Forever alone

  • cambro_david

    Posts: 11

    Feb 18, 2012 5:47 AM GMT
    Well I´m 28 yo, I´ve only had sex with one guy in my life. I have never had a boyfriend and I´m not doing a very good job looking for one.

    I used to be worried about getting older and being always alone, but as the years pass by, I get more comfortable with the idea… and it´s not like I´m closing the door to a possible relationship in the future, it´s just that it doesn’t seem probable.

    How many of you think the same way? And for the ones that are already there, how hard is it to be alone?

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    Feb 18, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    It's a tradeoff. Some stuff is much easier, some stuff is harder.

    The stuff that is easier is more important to me than the harder stuff. I'm built to live solo. I would turn away a perfect man. I differ from you in that way, which I think makes it easier (for me). Looking back prevents you from being fully onboard with forever alone.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Feb 18, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Don't look at being single as being alone. You are totally independent and you can come and go as you freely please without the hassles and headaches of a relationship. I have been single all my life and I love it.
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    Feb 18, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Yup.

    Life sucks then you die.

    The sooner we realize this the sooner it won't suck and you can stop being a miserable, pathetic sack of meat and start living.

    Pax.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 18, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    you're not alone... there are dozens of threads on here by whiny guys who are alone... you all have each other.
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    Feb 18, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    calibro saidyou're not alone... there are dozens of threads on here by whiny guys who are alone... you all have each other.


    This.
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    Feb 18, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    Poster, don't listen to most of these guys. They're obviously bitter and talk shit. Everyone feels the way you do sometimes. It's normal. But the human heart wants to be happy. It's the natural state. We make things difficult for ourselves and put up alot of excuses, mostly against our appearance. Do little things that are nice, kind, to yourself. Then to others. Over time, like losing weight, you'll see results.
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    Feb 18, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 18, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    Haaretz saidYup.

    Life sucks then you die.

    The sooner we realize this the sooner it won't suck and you can stop being a miserable, pathetic sack of meat and start living.

    Pax.


    My thoughts too.... a bit of hedonism (in the sense of happiness is right now) comes in handy.
  • cambro_david

    Posts: 11

    Feb 18, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Haaretz saidYup.

    Life sucks then you die.

    The sooner we realize this the sooner it won't suck and you can stop being a miserable, pathetic sack of meat and start living.

    Pax.


    Hey, is not that I am a miserable, pathetic sack of meat who is depressed and hates life.
    I love my life, I have great friends, a great family and I love my job. It's just that in a normal situation, society tells us that we need a partner in order to reach some of our life goals and to have somebody to grab on when we feel vulnerable... That's why I made the question

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    Feb 18, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    cambro_davidI love my life, I have great friends, a great family and I love my job.


    Then quit whining.
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    Feb 18, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    If society told us to jump off a cliff, should we all do that too? Do what makes you genuinely happy and let others waste their time conforming to some exterior standard.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Feb 18, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    If the OP loves life and has so many great things going for him, than why is he complainingicon_question.gif
  • cambro_david

    Posts: 11

    Feb 18, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob saidIf the OP loves life and has so many great things going for him, than why is he complainingicon_question.gif


    because I'm a little worried about how's the future gonna be. Right now everything is great, but people change and normally when that happens is when guys rely on their partners (family ) to be ok.

    I just wanted to know how hard is to live alone, I'm not whining or complaining
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    Feb 18, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob saidIf the OP loves life and has so many great things going for him, than why is he complainingicon_question.gif



    THIS


    +50
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    Feb 18, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    Just because you don't have/ never had a love life doesn't mean you can't have a love life. True everyone feel this way, even great looking, desirable guys but it might be time to work on either changing your circumstances or taking increasing amounts of action toward getting a BF or at least being

    How are your social skills? You might be a little bit on the shy side (which a lot of people are) and need work showing people your personality and who your really are. Don't rely completely on online dating sites as there's a lot of great singe guys who aren't on these sites

    Meeting as many people as you can is one of the keys to finding someone suitable to be your BF. If you're not getting out of the house that much on weekend you'll want to head out if not to clubs or a gay bar, just somewhere where you're around people. Brush up on your conversation skills, read up on body language and social cues.

    Bookstores, museums, cafes, free events, join an organization which interests you and go to weekly meetings (meetup.com is good for this)... just make an effort to get out of the house every weekend and meet people. You're not going to find your guy sitting alone in your room and he isn't going to come knocking on your door. (Sorry if I'm assuming that you don't get out much but you said you haven't really made an effort to find a BF yet)

    In some cases it might be time to relocate to the nearest major city as the out gay community where they live is relatively non-existant. I know though for some people this might not be possible due to financial or other reasons.

    Are you out?

    Being in the closet will make it a lot more difficult to have any kind of relationship with another guy- especially if they're out. It leads to frustration and lonely feelings of alienation. I know coming out is a personal choice but come out to those who feel comfortable coming out as soon as you can. I wish I did many years ago. Plus, a lot of them already knew so I missed out on a lot of opportunities.

    Get over your fear of rejection- this is a big one (for me at least)

    It's interesting how this can sabotage your love life and how much we assume about what other people are thinking of us. For me it was thinking guys I was interested in wouldn't want to talk to me because they're better looking or whatnot. A lot of the time they'd actually be interested in me but would eventually loose patience or think I'm not interested in them so it became a self fulfilling prophecy.

    True rejection is not being rejected by someone you go up to talk to at a bar for a few mins or seconds and knows nothing about you isn't really rejection in my book. You're just not a match for eachother and anyone who make a quick snap judgement about you like that isn't someone you'd really want to be with anyway.

    For a lot of guys the fear of being alone is why they're alone. There's someone out there for everyone.

    Sorry for the long response but I hope it helps you and other guys.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 18, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    cambro_david said. It's just that in a normal situation, society tells us that we need a partner in order to reach some of our life goals and to have somebody to grab on when we feel vulnerable...




    Society tells this to straight people.... icon_cry.gif