Should I Confess my feeling to someone I think is Gay?

  • JCstar

    Posts: 9

    Feb 19, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    Someone at work I think is gay and really good looking and once in a while he dropped a few hints, but very vague and I am unsure.

    I used to work with the guy, so never try to start anything. Now he left the company, and hope to hook up with him. Should I? I am not even out, so it's really hard...

    Meeting guys are so hard when you are not out of the closet.
    Where do you meet nice guys for a relationship at you local area? Gym, work..

    Wish to meet someone for support so i can come out and live my life.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Feb 19, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    My advice to you is never out a man before he's ready to do it himself; nor should you out yourself to someone unless you are fairly certain that he will respond favorably to your outing of yourself. Just my humble ignorant advice.
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    Feb 19, 2012 6:23 AM GMT
    I think araphael has good advice, especially because this is at your work, and if your guess is wrong, you have to continue to work with him.

    -Doug

  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 19, 2012 6:48 AM GMT
    I agree. You should never assume someones sexuality. If he's gay, he will let you in on it when he's ready to.
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    Feb 19, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    Put this into a bigger picture. What if you do tell, and he loses his job, files a complaint, commits a hate crime, or just hates you for outing. This could come back to you at work and you may lose a lot more of what you built up there over a personal judgement call over a greater good. "Houston, we have a problem".
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    Feb 19, 2012 6:56 AM GMT
    meninlove said I think araphael has good advice, especially because this is at your work, and if your guess is wrong, you have to continue to work with him.

    -Doug



    He said that the guy left his work, so I don't think that would be an issue.

    I didn't become comfortable with asking guys out who I didn't know were gay or not until I was ready to be shot down and have my sexuality out there for people to know. Having conveyed my feelings to a guy and have it not go the way I had hoped would have thrown me into panic mode...

    Before I was ready for that, it was hard making friends in the real world and to talk about the stuff going through my mind, so I turned to sites like these. I think you made a good choice coming here, and I think eventually you'll figure out exactly what you want out of this site.

    Hope you figure things out. It's 97.3% of this problem.
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    Feb 19, 2012 7:01 AM GMT


    Squintz said, "He said that the guy left his work, so I don't think that would be an issue."

    Holy crow, I missed that: "Now he left the company,..."

    Then I'd go ahead and hang out with him, but take your time.

    -Doug


    PS thanks Squintz!

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Feb 19, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    JCstar saidSomeone at work I think is gay and really good looking and once in a while he dropped a few hints, but very vague and I am unsure.

    I used to work with the guy, so never try to start anything. Now he left the company, and hope to hook up with him. Should I? I am not even out, so it's really hard...

    Meeting guys are so hard when you are not out of the closet.
    Where do you meet nice guys for a relationship at you local area? Gym, work..

    Wish to meet someone for support so i can come out and live my life.


    Why think in terms of hooking up with him?

    Instead, if you determine that he is gay, why not do things together to get to know him better? Then later, if things go well, the relationship may progress further.
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    Feb 19, 2012 7:11 AM GMT
    You use the word "confess".... You seem to think that telling someone you are gay is a bad thing, like a sin. Think about it.
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    Feb 19, 2012 9:12 AM GMT
    If you know him well enough to talk to him you might consider seeing if he would hang out and do "guy" stuff, not date stuff. Friends first, so you can get a better vibe. After frienship has been established, you will have a much better read on what would be best.

    If you do decide to share that part of your life with him it might be best to do it in a way that he knows you are just sharing about yourself. Not that you think he might be gay. If he's straight or gay the ball will be in his court, and he shouldn't feel pressured either way.

    It's a bit of a crap shoot, you might end up with a boyfriend, a friend friend, or neither.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Feb 19, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    DODGY1974 saidIf you know him well enough to talk to him you might consider seeing if he would hang out and do "guy" stuff, not date stuff. Friends first, so you can get a better vibe. After frienship has been established, you will have a much better read on what would be best.

    If you do decide to share that part of your life with him it might be best to do it in a way that he knows you are just sharing about yourself. Not that you think he might be gay. If he's straight or gay the ball will be in his court, and he shouldn't feel pressured either way.

    It's a bit of a crap shoot, you might end up with a boyfriend, a friend friend, or neither.


    Very good. It's a good idea to segue the conversation into a related subject to access attitudes first then find some way to bring it up naturally without making it seem to be an issue. It should seem to be a mundane every-day sort of thing.
  • JCstar

    Posts: 9

    Feb 20, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    Thanks all for the comments and sorry that if I offended anyone using the word "confession" as i mean it in a different context. It's really the demons in me not overcoming my self identity.

    I think I will try to do what DOGY1974 says...but we are not that close so not sure what to do with him alone.

    The only sign i picked up is that one day in a company party he asked me to go have a cigar with him even though he well knows i do not smoke, and he does not either. I was shocked stupid enough to say no...

    We also went to Karaoke (yeah this is what Asian do) and he seem to be staring at me while he sing...there were too many people around so I was kinda looking away. and FYI he sing really bad and i has getting goose bumps (the wrong way)

    I keep getting to go on whats app so we can have some discrete chat, but he seem to ignoring that.

    My other co worker also think he is gay as he does not have any girlfriends and he is quite good looking...


    Thanks for the advice guys, I have always been closeted and I have many encounter and never actually act on anything. I am hoping to be more proactive and make a difference in my life and move on.

    I am now stable with my career, and self dependent, but my fear of coming out is still casting a shadow my life. I Just need someone that there to firmly support me, hence trying to meet someone inspirational, but it has been super difficult as I don't post my photo online and have no one to go to the gay bar with. I have some very close friends, but not sure how to come out to them as I would be the first in the circle.

    If this guy does not work out what would be easiest way to meet a nice decent guy?

    But thanks for the advise, I do find way to stay happy, as I am a pretty positive , but just need change.


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    Feb 20, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    JCstar saidSomeone at work I think is gay and really good looking and once in a while he dropped a few hints, but very vague and I am unsure.

    I used to work with the guy, so never try to start anything. Now he left the company, and hope to hook up with him. Should I? I am not even out, so it's really hard...

    Meeting guys are so hard when you are not out of the closet.
    Where do you meet nice guys for a relationship at you local area? Gym, work..

    Wish to meet someone for support so i can come out and live my life.


    OMG. Life is too short for all this drama.

    Just say, "I'm gay, and, if you're interested, I'd like to take you out to supper sometime. " The worst thing that can happen is he'll say no, or, he may smile and say "That sounds great."

    DONE. NO MESS. NO FUSS. End of drama.

    The boogie man is NOT REAL. Turn the light on. Get some integrity. Come to like yourself.

    You're 33 years old, and not so important that if you admit to digging guys The World is going to end.

    I.e., time to grow up and like you, and lead your life.

    Your current process is all fucked up, nerve racking, and self-defeating, as well as incredibly limiting. Time to move past it.
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    Feb 21, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    chuckystud said
    JCstar saidSomeone at work I think is gay and really good looking and once in a while he dropped a few hints, but very vague and I am unsure.

    I used to work with the guy, so never try to start anything. Now he left the company, and hope to hook up with him. Should I? I am not even out, so it's really hard...

    Meeting guys are so hard when you are not out of the closet.
    Where do you meet nice guys for a relationship at you local area? Gym, work..

    Wish to meet someone for support so i can come out and live my life.


    OMG. Life is too short for all this drama.

    Just say, "I'm gay, and, if you're interested, I'd like to take you out to supper sometime. " The worst thing that can happen is he'll say no, or, he may smile and say "That sounds great."

    DONE. NO MESS. NO FUSS. End of drama.

    The boogie man is NOT REAL. Turn the light on. Get some integrity. Come to like yourself.

    You're 33 years old, and not so important that if you admit to digging guys The World is going to end.

    I.e., time to grow up and like you, and lead your life.

    Your current process is all fucked up, nerve racking, and self-defeating, as well as incredibly limiting. Time to move past it.


    ^
    this
  • JCstar

    Posts: 9

    Feb 21, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    Hard but honest words guys and thanks!


    I think I will find a way to get to know him better and see if we really have something. Will definitely report back if there is more drama....