An interesting perspective of being straight and having homo flings by Dan Savage

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    Feb 19, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
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    Feb 19, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    I think it's totally possible to be straight and have homo flings...especially if you go straight from one homo fling to the next.
  • kolkii

    Posts: 147

    Feb 19, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think it's totally possible to be straight and have homo flings...especially if you go straight from one homo fling to the next.


    haha, nice wordplay thurr
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    Feb 19, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    I totally agree with that! But I also love Dan Savage, he's just hawt hehe

    I've talked about this with people before, some times a woman will just do it for me, I mean they will do it for me, I'll go home and have a wank thinking about them. Hell, I've done more then just want over'em hahaha

    BUT

    I consider myself to be gay, I've no interest in having a long term relationship with these girls, I just wanna climb into bed with them and have fun and enjoy it!

    Although when a woman orgasms and her nails dig into your back, it's kinda hot hehe

    But people always try to slap the bi label on me like OOOH your bi not gay, I'm like na, I don't want a relationship with them, I want a relationship with a guy, it's what I enjoy the most.

    But the gay community seems to want to grasp hold of anything remotely considered gay and shove them into that category and it's helped along by straight guys holding onto this stupid stigma that somehow being gay is defined by a sexual act rather then a life time desire.
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    Feb 19, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI totally agree with that! But I also love Dan Savage, he's just hawt hehe

    I've talked about this with people before, some times a woman will just do it for me, I mean they will do it for me, I'll go home and have a wank thinking about them. Hell, I've done more then just want over'em hahaha

    BUT

    I consider myself to be gay, I've no interest in having a long term relationship with these girls, I just wanna climb into bed with them and have fun and enjoy it!

    Although when a woman orgasms and her nails dig into your back, it's kinda hot hehe

    But people always try to slap the bi label on me like OOOH your bi not gay, I'm like na, I don't want a relationship with them, I want a relationship with a guy, it's what I enjoy the most.

    But the gay community seems to want to grasp hold of anything remotely considered gay and shove them into that category and it's helped along by straight guys holding onto this stupid stigma that somehow being gay is defined by a sexual act rather then a life time desire.


    I'll dig my nails into your back, i have a tendency to anyways icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 19, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    Love the people at 0:05 laughing at the thought that the guy calls himself straight.

    And when they find Dan agrees with that, they switch sides and laugh in agreement to everything he says.
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    Feb 20, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    Hilarious and true.. Dan Savage rocks
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    Feb 20, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Hmmm, interesting....
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    Feb 20, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Dan Savage, very smartly, just climbed up 2-300 more levels as a god in the eyes of gay men because he just made for them a very convincing argument that yes, your very hot very straight roommate can have sex with you (no homo brah!).
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    Its typical in society to demonize gay men. No one gets discouraged when a girl likes to play sports or work on cars, in fact their fathers actually encourage it. But if a boy wants to dress up dolls then its a problem. Same as when you hear the religious nut jobs preaching about how man can't lay with another man. You never ever hear them talk about women laying with other women, even though its implied of course its never actually said because the impact it would have is really not as severe as two men laying with each other. Remember two women together is hawt in a lot of straight male fantasies, two men is just gross.

    Also this just isn't a double standard in the straight community (straight guy has a fling with another guy and is instantly branded gay) the double standard extends to the gay community as well. Totally masc bro says he's masc and likes masc things is over compensating and the second he does something like lisp or admit to watching a musical or something he's a closet queen but an over the top gay guy is loud and proud and an inspiration etc...not over compensating and the second he does something masc he's not labeled anything. icon_confused.gif

    My eyez be rollin icon_rolleyes.gif

    Meh
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    I like what was being said..Hell I want to be that Firewoman too!

  • Webster666

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    Feb 20, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    I adore this man, and I have all of his books.
    But, I absolutely disagree with him on this one issue.

    You can "identify" as anything you CHOOSE.
    But, if you're sexually attracted to someone of the same sex, you're either bisexual or gay/lesbian.
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    Claystation saidIts typical in society to demonize gay men. No one gets discouraged when a girl likes to play sports or work on cars, in fact their fathers actually encourage it. But if a boy wants to dress up dolls then its a problem. Same as when you hear the religious nut jobs preaching about how man can't lay with another man. You never ever hear them talk about women laying with other women, even though its implied of course its never actually said because the impact it would have is really not as severe as two men laying with each other. Remember two women together is hawt in a lot of straight male fantasies, two men is just gross.

    Also this just isn't a double standard in the straight community (straight guy has a fling with another guy and is instantly branded gay) the double standard extends to the gay community as well. Totally masc bro says he's masc and likes masc things is over compensating and the second he does something like lisp or admit to watching a musical or something he's a closet queen but an over the top gay guy is loud and proud and an inspiration etc...not over compensating and the second he does something masc he's not labeled anything. icon_confused.gif

    My eyez be rollin icon_rolleyes.gif

    Meh


    It's all sexism. Male/masculine > Female/fem is so engrained in our and many other cultures. Men can't understand why one of their own would consider giving up that privilege; it messes with their reality and thus they react with hostility. Thus many men who dabble in sex with other guys want to cling to "straight" label because that's the masculine ideal.

    Frankly I could give a shit how your label yourself as long as there isn't someone at home who thinks you're monogamous.
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    Dan Savage is smart, funny, and wrong. I loved the line in one of his books where he asks,"You gave your parents crabs?" Look it up! Still, I'm not buying the straight guys suck dick argument.
  • araphael

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    Feb 20, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Cool video. I don't know this Savage guy but I'm going to start researching him. Now gay guys are getting down to the truth of things, reality, the ugliness which is often hidden as they are able to walk between two worlds unnoticed if they choose to: straight and gay. Just as my ancestors had to bring out to the surface through blood, suffering, sacrifice, and even death with people like Connor in Mississippi, if this Savage guy's thinking is any real indication, then gay people are almost ready now to pay the real price for freedom and equality without hiding behind the safety of their ethnicity or other people's expectations of them which they can pretend, at will, to fulfill. Frederick Douglas said that "without struggle there is no real progress." Thanks for posting this video. I was enlightened tonight.
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    Feb 20, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    Anyone else see Savage's argument as entirely analogous to the "one drop rule" that people used to use for racial classification?

    It's something about ruling majorities negatively labeling minorities.
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    Feb 20, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    People are quick to categorize what they see because it is efficient. Moreover, people have a tendency to want to belong to a group and one way to achieve this is to identify who "they" are and who "we" are. Put the two together and you have the rampant stereotyping and jumping to conclusions that bothers Savage and many of the people who posted in this thread. How do you solve this problem: spend inordinate amounts of time trying to assess each person you meet as a case-study instead of as a statistic, which might not be the most socially efficient thing to do especially if you live anywhere with a population density that qualifies it as urban.
  • nomadfornow

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    Feb 20, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    I think he's spot on. Completely agree with him.
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    Feb 20, 2012 6:47 AM GMT
    I agree with him, but I think it would be unusual for a straight guy to actually identify with this matter. It's normal for men to think about other men, including straight men, and the majority of men also have more sex related dreams than woman do. It would just be difficult for a straight guy to relate to what Dan Savage is saying. I still think it's completely normal though, back in Ancient Greece, men would have sexual relations with other men for pleasure whilst having a wife and kids. They didn't identify sexual orientation as we do now.
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    Feb 20, 2012 9:26 AM GMT
    Nickrolled saidI agree with him, but I think it would be unusual for a straight guy to actually identify with this matter. It's normal for men to think about other men, including straight men, and the majority of men also have more sex related dreams than woman do. It would just be difficult for a straight guy to relate to what Dan Savage is saying. I still think it's completely normal though, back in Ancient Greece, men would have sexual relations with other men for pleasure whilst having a wife and kids. They didn't identify sexual orientation as we do now.


    haha disagree i know my straight guy friends from hs and uni who actually want to see what a gay club is like and like opinions and view of gay guys but are completely straight and chick loving dudes, they've on occasion have suggested sexual/homoerotic stuff sometimes when we get all close via bromance but i've always cockblocked it since im not even attracted to them, point is straight guys could prolly relate internally they just arent open about it.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 20, 2012 9:41 AM GMT
    Great lecture!! And so true. I've had a relationship with a woman but have no intention of ever having one again. I could, possible, have sex with a woman again, but it's unlikely and it would only be a one time thing. I identify as gay because the vast majority of my erotic and emotional feelings are toward men.

    Likewise, I had a six month relationship with a straight guy after high school. Although he kept telling me he was straight, he also kept telling me how much he enjoyed my company - not just as friends, but the sex as well. Which was amazing and OFTEN!. I kept thinking - dude - you are so gay just admit it - but I wanted him to come to that realization himself while I was simultaneously falling madly in love with him. But it never happened. We broke up because the relationship ran its course and he was never with another man again. He is now married with kids. I'm the dark little secret in his closet, but we still talk sometimes and talk about the good old days. He is very much in love with his wife and they seem to have a great healthy relationship. I can no longer argue that he's gay - but at least I can say that I've had a straight guy icon_wink.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 20, 2012 9:51 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI adore this man, and I have all of his books.
    But, I absolutely disagree with him on this one issue.

    You can "identify" as anything you CHOOSE.
    But, if you're sexually attracted to someone of the same sex, you're either bisexual or gay/lesbian.


    I think what Dan Savage is trying to say is that the allure of sexual attraction isn't entirely based on physical features and that's how a straight person can have sex with someone of the same sex. And that sex is not necessarily an enduring part of the relationship.
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    Feb 20, 2012 10:50 AM GMT
    Boxes. We like to put people in neat little boxes. Organise. Catergorise. It is the human nature. Only when we win the gay marriage fight will men, all men, be able to express and explore their true sexuality with freedom. I have faith that this will come in our lifetime. In the meantime I encourage you all to fight for it.
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    Feb 20, 2012 11:24 AM GMT
    If you feel the need to engage in sexual relations with both sexes, and you act on those feelings, you are bi. End of story.

    Men with homo tendencies rate higher on the Kinsey scale than hetero males who have thought about engaging in homo sex but never act on those thoughts.

    I have a couple of old college buddies who 'experimented' in college. They're both married, both have children, and both still talk to me about gay sex. I don't know (and I don't want to know) if they still engage in sex with men, but they definitely think about it. They identify as straight. I don't want to argue with them, so I keep my mouth shut, but they're bi by definition.

    If you can have sex with both men and women, and you enjoy having sex with both men and women, you are bisexual. To address the guy in this thread who said he enjoys sex with men and women but only prefers relationships with men so he's gay, not bi ... no, man, you're bi.
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    Feb 20, 2012 11:32 AM GMT
    He's absolutely right. My high school crush, for instance, was a straight guy. Yeah, we've had sex a few times through out the years, but he's straight.

    But, you're surely thinking, he's not really straight. He's just closeted or not out to himself, or uncomfortable, or has religious parents or...

    No. He comes from a super liberal family, from a super liberal town, he has no reason to not be comfortable with it. The truth is simply that he's a straight guy who is very kinky and one tiny aspect of that kink is letting his good friend fuck him every few years or so. It's less about me, and more about him letting himself get fucked.

    Yet he still identifies as straight, and I think that's a more apt label for him (if he must choose a label) as "bi" would sort of imply that he could have a romantic relationship with a guy, or even that he could be attracted to guys. He's not really. He's just into letting a good friend of his fuck him every once in a while.