No Patience for Games?

  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Feb 20, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    After having a conversation with a good friend of mine last night, I am wondering about where I stand with "games" with other guys, and if this could be limiting the chances of me meeting someone.

    There has been a guy that I have been hanging out with since october that I like (we haven't done anything with each other), and I have gotten mixed signals from him that he likes me. I got irritated with not getting any sort of clear response from him, so one night I bluntly asked him where he stands, and if he wants a relationship, or friendships. I could not get a straight answer out of him. So, I answered for him and said "ok, we're just friends". A few days later I get a message from him on a4a saying (and I quote) "you are hot, let's hook up". Needless to say I was very confused and sent him a rather long reply more or less saying "you're confusing me, and let me think about it". Later he replied that he was "just joking" and that he knew I "couldn't help but take it seriously". Needless to say, after that I stopped talking to him and put the onus on him that if he wants to hang out, he can find me. A month and a half later, he has found me again. My friend and I were talking, and she said that he actually DOES want to hook up with me, but my response scared him so he backed off.

    He's a very good looking guy, I like his personality, and think I could build something with him (even if it starts as a casual fwb deal). The thing is though... I don't play these sorts of games. The whole "chase me you know you want me". The hell, I don't get it? I'm extremely direct and know what I want and don't want, and to me all that stuff does is waste time. Get to the heart of the matter and make intentions clear. I just don't have the patients to chase him around like that, as it seems like that's what he wants. I don't have that sort of patients with any sort of guy. To me it's a warning sign that there would be incompatibillity between us anyway.

    So, what I am seeking advice on is, should I chase him? Now that I know his game I could easily pin him down in a few weeks by playing it up like I am chasing him, when in reality I know exactly what is going on. Or should I just back off. The kicker is he is perhaps the only person I have met in this town who I am legit attracted to (and I have gone on easily over 15 dates since I moved here 5 months ago), and the likelyhood of me actually finding someone else any time soon is pretty damn low.

    Additionally, am I selling myself short for not playing these sorts of "games"? It's all about power and part of the reason I don't do them is because it's a tool that others use to take someones power away and control their movements. I don't allow such behavior and when I sense someone is trying to do that I usually get quite mad, wish to kick them and stop seeing/talking to them. It's immature and unfair in my eyes. Yes, I realise that part of this is my unwillingness to let go of my power. But it's of my own, and I am not trying to take theirs.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 20, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    You may be dealing with a insecure individual who just likes the attention he gets from you.
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Feb 20, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    NyRuinz saidYou may be dealing with a insecure individual who just likes the attention he gets from you.


    Oh he fits that alright. I've had many conversations about this type of theme with him. Such as, him hanging around a coworker who tried to cheat on his current bf with him several times.

    This guy confounds me because he is so well put together but a total mess at the same time.
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Feb 20, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidmust... not... laugh... at title... of serious thread...
    spongebob_giggle_gif.gif


    Ok, I'll bite. I legit don't see how it could be mistake for something funny. What's funny?
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 20, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Do they have to sign a HIPAA form before you play games?
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Feb 20, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidDo they have to sign a HIPAA form before you play games?


    *sigh* ok so someome sent me a message and told me that I spelled "patience" wrong. I have since fixed it. Sorry!

    Grammar is not my strong point.

    (in truth, I wouldn't have made the connection from the HIPAA joke and my misspelling)
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Feb 20, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    This is probably bad advice, but it`s what I`d do if it were me. As a very direct person myself, if someone whom I`m interested in is playing games with me and won`t approach me on my level, then I`d just stoop down to theirs. Play games with him. If it leads to something happening between you two and he still continues to play it coy, use his tactics right back at him, and see how he responds. If it`s meant to work out it will, and visa versa. I`m a strong believer in the principle that "we teach others how we want them to treat us``- if he wants to play games with you, maybe he just wants you to play games with him. Sometimes people like a challenge. If that`s not for you, it`s probably not a good match to begin with.

    Just my two cents.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 20, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    tautomer4314 said
    dancedancekj saidDo they have to sign a HIPAA form before you play games?


    *sigh* ok so someome sent me a message and told me that I spelled "patience" wrong. I have since fixed it. Sorry!

    Grammar is not my strong point.

    (in truth, I wouldn't have made the connection from the HIPAA joke and my misspelling)


    Aww, I was just joking. No need to apologize! icon_smile.gif