He interested anymore? Help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    Alright so about 3 weeks ago I met a guy. First week was amazing with each other. I thought we were 'dating' then since we were being a bit intimate with each other. (no penetration) lol

    Anyway the first week we were really both into each other. He always said how he really REALLY liked me and I would say the same. He would always text me and call me to see how I am doing and I would do the same. He also wanted me to come over and hang out at his place almost every night of the week the first week we knew each other.

    Second week rolled by and his auto shop became slammed with vehicles to work on. This means he would get out just a little later from work every day. Unfortunately though in week two, he wasn't as persistent with keeping up with me. It was me who had to start contacting him if we could hang out. Second week we hung out less and things seemed to dwindle a little.

    We will know each other 3 weeks tomorrow.

    Currently, nothing seems there to me. I can't understand where his head is at with me. I don't know what he sees me as. I don't know if he sees himself dating me now or if he just sees me as some friends with benefits crap.
    He really never contacts me anymore. He says he always has something to do with his shop or working on someones house with construction but if he really cared about someone, wouldn't he make the time to at least see how that person is doing or make the time to see that person even for a few minutes at the coffee shop? I don't want to get too over my head but you get the picture.

    Anyway my point is do you guys believe he isn't interested in me anymore?
    I honestly don't know what to do. Last text message I sent to him was on Saturday saying "Afternoon to ya. Hope you're doing well. Just give me a hollar next time you want to meet up. Peace". He never responded to that and it's Monday.

    By saying all this, im not trying to be all dramatic.. I'm just trying to look at this realistically. I would appreciate some input. Thank you guys for reading. icon_smile.gif
    Bond
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    I think all you can do is put out the welcome mat, which you did on Saturday.

    I threw myself at this situation a few times, and came to the conclusion that I didn't really want to go out with someone that was inconsistent in their approach.

    -Doug

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    Feb 20, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Sounds like he lost interest. Lunch time, smoke break, restroom break, while waiting for the computer to load.... he could've sent off a txt replying, had he wanted to.

    Normal behavior for early 20-something yr olds. My "relationships" in my early 20's also burned intensely the first two wks, to the point where both of us hinting at the "L" word. Then by the 3rd wk everything just went cold and the texts slowed down, then stopped.

    Move on.
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Feb 21, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    I've been there, I know it sucks, but that's just how it goes with some guys--flavor of the week/month/couple months. Definitely move on. People that move that quick and go down that path and then go cold are bad news. He was probably meeting up with some other dude simultaneously.

    But like someone else said, you don't' want to be with someone like that as a very basic criteria. They can be as cute as they come, but if they have dating ADD, you can't fix that until they realize it's a problem.
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Feb 21, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    I've been there, I know it sucks, but that's just how it goes with some guys--flavor of the week/month/couple months. Definitely move on. People that move that quick and go down that path and then go cold are bad news. He was probably meeting up with some other dude simultaneously.

    But like someone else said, you don't' want to be with someone like that as a very basic criteria. They can be as cute as they come, but if they have dating ADD, you can't fix that until they realize it's a problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    It seems like he has lost interest. There is always time to respond. Let him reach out to you next time.
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    Feb 21, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    One1313 saidSounds like he lost interest. Lunch time, smoke break, restroom break, while waiting for the computer to load.... he could've sent off a txt replying, had he wanted to.

    Normal behavior for early 20-something yr olds. .


    asnextdoor saidIt seems like he has lost interest. There is always time to respond. Let him reach out to you next time.


    This ^^^

    If someone cant make a simple effort to respond, extremely unlikely they will be bothered to do much more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 10:52 PM GMT
    Just my suggestion: I wouldn't leave a text as the last attempt at seeing if he's interested. Make a phone call. Show him one last time that you like him and he's worth going out on a limb once again. If not, at least you have your answer and can move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    I don't get these kind of threads lol. How are we suposed to know if he's interested in you if you don't even know it yourself? A story is not enough to decide whether he likes you or not. The best thing to do is to ASK HIM =)!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    dragers saidI don't get these kind of threads lol. How are we suposed to know if he's interested in you if you don't even know it yourself?

    +1
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    Feb 21, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidDon't call him... If he calls you then he is still interested, and if he doesn't then it sounds like he has lost interest for what ever reason. You'll find someone else and he may already have. Love will come your way






    Geez you give up way too easily. I'd never let a f---ing text message be my last effort with a cool guy.

    But hey... if that works for you, MoonHawk, then keep it up!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    know the feeling - been in your shoes before and it sucks...
    to be honest though it does seem like he's not interested. If you reach out and a guy doesn't even bother responding to you in any way - whether in text, phone call, email, facebook or the many forms of communication available today - it's a definite no-go if you ask me.
    That being said, in your text on Saturday you reached out and left the ball in his court and told him to contact you when he wants to hang out. Give it a few days. If there's still nothing by mid-week I'd say it's time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    Two weeks is far from panic-button-pushing time, although I'm leaning toward "He's Just Not That Into You" as well. BUT...

    First, are you at liberty to divulge how you met? I ask since it may well be, (theory 1) if your meeting was happenstance, he may not yet have gotten out from under a prior relationship, and doesn't want to freak you completely out by revealing so.

    If you're really interested, call (as someone already suggested, instead of texting), tell him to take his time, and see if he corresponds within a couple more weeks. Of course, if at any time after the call you've moved on with pursuing someone else, offer him the courtesy of another call advising you've done so.

    Also, have you invited him over for a stay at your humble abode? It's even more of a reach, but (theory 2) he may have tried to play Super-Host for a week or so, then is waiting to see when you would return the favor, rather than repeatedly asking when a good time is to drop in again.

    During your call, insist the next time you meet that he is welcome to come visit you for the evening. If hosting is not possible for you, find some creative external spots to meet, like a museum or a rodeo or something, and see if he bites on the invitation.

    Final question is, do you recall the nature of your last time together in Week 1? Upon reflection, was anything said (theory 3) that might be construed as a turn-off or a red flag for him? Any squabbles that seemed petty to you? Was he becoming noticeably distant as the week went on? New encounters can be very delicate at times, so conflicts and stuff that we'd easily brush aside as committed couples might have seemed like a big deal to him personally, and he'd rather deal with it at arms-length hoping the issue would go away.

    Without being specific, when you call offer an apology for something... even if it was trivial. "Hey, wanted you to know I'm sorry about (that joke I made/drinking all your beer/not helping to clean up/leaving the toilet seat up) a couple weeks ago. Don't know if that bothered you at all, but let me know how I can make up for that the next time we meet!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    Sometimes it's just a lot, maybe too quickly. Even if he's into you, he might want to slow things down. Intimacy issues can kick in. Even pragmatism - i.e. he may not want to devote so much time to a new relationship if he's focused on work and he's really busy with it.


    "The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.”
    ― Lao Tzu
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    Feb 22, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    From my viewpoint, your first week was just too much - too soon. It would have been better if you had not been "too available" or "too nice". I'm not suggesting playing games - but instead - just cooling it a bit. It sounds to me as though you were just too ready to run over to his place - way too often. He possibly didn't respect you - or your time. My instinct is that if you had just gone on some real dates - with a plan, it would have been better. As for this case - I guess you could leave ONE more message by phone, but it looks like this relationship was more of a flash in the pan.......sorry to say. The good news is that you can learn from this and not repeat it. Respect your time. Make a guy look forward to seeing you and actually ask you for a date. Never say "I'll be right over." Make them realize your time is valuable.

    Just my take - - - - coming from about a hundred years of experience!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    Three weeks?!? Such a short time icon_rolleyes.gif

    Just wait to see if you guys will still no one another in a years time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2012 5:40 PM GMT
    At this point, if he's interested, he'll message you back. Don't dwell on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    3 weeks is a very short time period to question if he has lost interest. I don't think he has had time to know if he is interested or not. Give him space, don't come off as desperate but calm and casual.

    Live your life and let HIM wonder what happened to you. But do leave the welcome mat down as someone else said.
  • maxferguson

    Posts: 321

    Feb 23, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    I feel like I'm in this situation right now. I've known this guy for a while now and at the start of the year for a bit, it seemed like we were both building up to moving to next step and actually going out with eachother. We live in different cities, but they're not far apart. About two weeks ago he started texting me about how hot certain guys were (we both know these people too). The funny part is that these guys aren't even out (and could be straight). I found his text since then have been a bit off key, but when I came home for reading week on Friday, they virtually stopped. Part of the reason I came home for reading week was to ask him out (provided things felt right...) I told him to let me know when he'd be able to go out for drinks or something and I haven't heard back on it or much else.

    Bottom line, I've given up on it. I've decided that you can usually tell when someone is interested -- I tried to make mine obvious, and I got a cool response. My new rule of thumb: if they're interested *enough,* you can see it.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    Leave him alone. It happened to me too. Same as your story!

    Dont call, dont text. DO nothing.

    If he really cares about u, he would spend time at least 5 or 10 seconds to answer or send u a message...... But what?? I dont get anything from him...Which means he doesnt respect or care about u anymore.

    If next time he texts u, saying he miss u or some crap which means he wants Sex with u. Thats it.
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    Feb 23, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    Well we met up last night at his house real quick so I can pick something up I left over. I brought it up and we had the 'talk'.

    First off, the reason why he didn't respond to me over the weekend was because his phone got screwed up so he couldn't contact me until about Monday. Which clears that up but even before his phone died there was still a big lack in communication.

    When I went over I brought it up to him and asked him where he sees this going. He basically responded and said "I don't know". There are two big reasons... #1 is he doesn't know if he wants to get into something with someone since a few months ago, he came out of a six year relationship which turned out real bad at the end. #2 Second reason that there is a hindrance is his job. At his work, he has never been so busy with his shop and he's worked there for a lonnng time. The shop has never been this busy and it's really stressing him out.

    After telling me this, I was just honest with him and told him that he shouldn't of waited so long to tell me because to me, it seems a little wrong to keep leading me on if he doesn't know what he wants to happen.

    I care about the guy a lot but all this is just a bit disappointing and upsetting to me. I'm trying to not let it get to me but ultimately we decided that we need to slow down and take it easy for now. We're still definitely friends and may hang out time to time but I won't be the one texting or calling him anymore. I'm the one giving him a break and if he wants to chill then it's going to be on his time but I won't be blowing my other friends off anymore if he wants to hang. I'm not bothering him... lol
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    Feb 23, 2012 7:03 PM GMT

    "After telling me this, I was just honest with him and told him that he shouldn't of waited so long to tell me because to me, it seems a little wrong to keep leading me on if he doesn't know what he wants to happen. "

    Well done!

    ...as for the phone thing excuse he gave you, too lame.

    Reverse the situation:
    If your phone wasn't working I'm sure you would have found a way to phone him. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "After telling me this, I was just honest with him and told him that he shouldn't of waited so long to tell me because to me, it seems a little wrong to keep leading me on if he doesn't know what he wants to happen. "

    Well done!

    ...as for the phone thing excuse he gave you, too lame.

    Reverse the situation:
    If your phone wasn't working I'm sure you would have found a way to phone him. icon_wink.gif


    Hmm, I dunno, it does happen to me a lot though, that my phone malfunctions, and I find out someone called me two days later... I could still try to use fb after taht though, which I try
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    Well, the excuse wasn't that he didn't know Bond22 was calling him, the excuse was he couldn't reply because of the phone trouble.

    Get another phone, borrow one, use a pay phone etc, it really is that easy. icon_wink.gif