is it wrong?

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    Jul 02, 2008 2:12 PM GMT
    Is it wrong to seriously offer to be friends with benefits to my married male friends?

    After reading some of the topics, I've started to take a closer look at how I come off(on) to my male friends. I know these guys are my friends and will be there if I need them.

    I've not had any of them take me up on the offer, but I do let some of them know that it is an option. And yes I am friends with their wives too, and they know that I've got the hots for their husbands. In fact, some of the girls are always saying they are going to send him home with me so they can have a peaceful night alone without sex. lol.

    Any thoughts?
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    Jul 02, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    spryte21 said
    Any thoughts?

    Uh......Match. Meet stick of dynamite.
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    Jul 02, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    idk dude.. if I were one of the wives and I found out, I'd be pissed. It's not wrong to make the offer in the sense you're thinking of (in regards to your relationship with your friends) But I would say that it's meddling with their marriage. I'd say drop it.. get a boyfriend. Or two... or three. When it comes to my friends, I worry more about being there for them as a friend, rather than a sex prop.
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    Jul 02, 2008 3:52 PM GMT
    I heard once there is no such thing as a stupid question...

    I think that this might just prove that theory wrong.
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    Jul 02, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    I mean, you could just slash your own tires to save the wives the trouble.

    This is quite possibly the stupidest thing you could do, apart from exercising your right to a firearm repeatedly into your own foot.
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    Jul 02, 2008 4:15 PM GMT
    I would only be ok with doing this as long as my female friends were ok with it. I don't intend to do anything behind anyones back or without their ok.
    I am just not sure if its right to even put the offer on the table.
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    Jul 02, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    Even if consent is not an issue, the potential fallout could ruin friendships and relationships. Jealousy is tricky and it does not necessarily stay dormant, even if consent was given.

    Still not a good idea.
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:15 PM GMT
    My analogy to the dynamite stands. Sure, you might not get hurt or kill anyone, but.....the potential is very very high....
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:18 PM GMT
    spryte21 saidI would only be ok with doing this as long as my female friends were ok with it. I don't intend to do anything behind anyones back or without their ok.
    I am just not sure if its right to even put the offer on the table.


    OMG... are you SERIOUSLY asking these questions? No it's not okay to make that offer. It's not only completely disresepctful to your friends and their commitment to each other, their families, and whatever twisted friendship you have with them, it's selfish on your part.

    The Book Of Rocco 21:16
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    Whoa. Not a good idea at all, dude. Stop thinkin' with the wrong head.
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:29 PM GMT
    The better question: you should ask yourself why you feel the need to have sex with married men vs a single man with whom you could enjoy sex of mutual pleasure without potential physical or emotional harm to others?

    I won't speak to your morality or ethic here. They are yours, not mine. I tend to view gay men who chase married men (even if those married men are sad closet cases trapped in the trash bin of their collective bad decisions) as the worst expression of internalized homophobia, pursuing and trying to deconstruct what they 'think' they're supposed to be in the eyes of the larger culture.
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:30 PM GMT
    The fact that your even considering it is kind of shady. Your going to sleep with these friends than sit and hang out with their wives. Wow, your a good friendicon_eek.gif
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:41 PM GMT
    spryte21 saidIs it wrong to seriously offer to be friends with benefits to my married male friends?

    After reading some of the topics, I've started to take a closer look at how I come off(on) to my male friends. I know these guys are my friends and will be there if I need them.

    I've not had any of them take me up on the offer, but I do let some of them know that it is an option. And yes I am friends with their wives too, and they know that I've got the hots for their husbands. In fact, some of the girls are always saying they are going to send him home with me so they can have a peaceful night alone without sex. lol.

    Sounds complicated and stickey......trouble is brewing...the whole thing is going to blow up in your face and everybody is going to feel used, hurt and angry.

    I say rethink your freindships and keep it sex free. A real freind wouldn't expect sex since there should be other things that make a freinship.

    Also, him (them) knowing that there is a definate possibility of sex kinda puts you at a disadvantage of being played with and the other guy has more power over you.

    You deserve something better, even if thw prospect of you hooking up with this guy sounds hot. It ain't.

    Any thoughts?
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:43 PM GMT
    I think you're missing the point of a FWB. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    It's wrong. Get your own spouse. Now if your girlfriends offer the same thing to your new significant other, renew your indecent proposal.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidIt's wrong. Get your own spouse. Now if your girlfriends offer the same thing to your new significant other, renew your indecent proposal.


    I was going to say...it may be different if the wife or husband were asking you to be the husband's sex buddy, but you want to ask them. Don't do it. Not unless this is a topic you have all brought up before.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    Wow, that is a question or a scenario that I would never in a million years have thought of. Would any woman actually consider such a proposal? If so, then you may want to think of the complications that could ensue if you start having sex with the husband. What happens if he falls in love with you?

    And I thought "Desperate Housewives" plots could be farfetched!
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:20 PM GMT
    funny-pictures-is-this-what-you-do-on-th
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    ok, my morals are fine, otherwise I wouldn't be asking these questions, I would just do it.

    So, how and why is this any different than being swingers? or having an open relationship?

    HighVoltageGuy said "I was going to say...it may be different if the wife or husband were asking you to be the husband's sex buddy, but you want to ask them. Don't do it. Not unless this is a topic you have all brought up before."


    thats just it, some of the girls have voiced that they woulnd't have a problem with it, cause it's with me. I don't doubt for a minute that the guys love their wives, and I'm not hoping or trying to break up their marriages.


    RunintheCity said "The better question: you should ask yourself why you feel the need to have sex with married men vs a single man with whom you could enjoy sex of mutual pleasure without potential physical or emotional harm to others?"


    I don't feel a need to sleep with married over single. I just don't discriminate. (not meaning to come off as flippant) Knowing that I should discriminate is what is raising the red flags here.

    JBE60 saidWould any woman actually consider such a proposal?

    it's the women that are proposing it.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    spryte21 said...it's the women that are proposing it.

    Fire in the hole!!!

    Women are hardly the most logical creatures on the planet. I still think you're playing with dangerous stuff here.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    spryte21 saidok, my morals are fine, otherwise I wouldn't be asking these questions, I would just do it.

    So, how and why is this any different than being swingers? or having an open relationship?

    [quote][cite]HighVoltageGuy said[/cite] "I was going to say...it may be different if the wife or husband were asking you to be the husband's sex buddy, but you want to ask them. Don't do it. Not unless this is a topic you have all brought up before."


    thats just it, some of the girls have voiced that they woulnd't have a problem with it, cause it's with me. I don't doubt for a minute that the guys love their wives, and I'm not hoping or trying to break up their marriages.


    RunintheCity said "The better question: you should ask yourself why you feel the need to have sex with married men vs a single man with whom you could enjoy sex of mutual pleasure without potential physical or emotional harm to others?"


    I don't feel a need to sleep with married over single. I just don't discriminate. (not meaning to come off as flippant) Knowing that I should discriminate is what is raising the red flags here.

    JBE60 saidWould any woman actually consider such a proposal?

    it's the women that are proposing it.
    [/quote]

    Given your responses, I can't really take your question or this thread seriously anymore. I mean...c'mon.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:46 PM GMT
    I'd have to say yes, it's wrong if the wives didn't know about it. icon_confused.gif

    However, if the women are in on it, I'd also consider it not any different from other polyamorous arrangements like menages a trois, or open relationships... but you really are entering a minefield here. It could very well backfire on you ending in a lot of broken hearts... That would be unfortunate, but not exactly world-ending.

    Still... as Gigaram said, women are amazingly fickle. What's okay before the fact may not be okay after the act is done. I'd still say don't do it. icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:59 PM GMT
    well, thanks for the input. and the big resounding "don't do it!" lol

    RunintheCity saidGiven your responses, I can't really take your question or this thread seriously anymore. I mean...c'mon.


    thanks for elaborating. some of my friends are swingers, so I'm not sure what to make of things.
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    Jul 02, 2008 8:03 PM GMT
    I really hope you're joking.... icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 02, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    Clean up on RJ Thread... clean up on RJ thread