First Pride Experiences

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    Jul 02, 2008 5:31 PM GMT
    Nevermind. This topic has just lost all of its meaning for me, and it just needs to be totally deleted. My apologies to anyone who might have been offended by my post. I did not go into great detail, but as is often the case here, there are those who feel that it's necessary to humiliate others. I'm going to delete my profile. I guess I just don't need to be on here, anymore.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    Hey Steve,

    I'm glad to hear you had such a nice weekend. But is it really necessary to post this level of detail to the forum, for everyone to read?

    This forum is all about support, but is it really intended for detailed accounts of our sexual encounters?

    -Joey
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jul 02, 2008 6:28 PM GMT
    My first Pride was in New York when I was 15 at a friend's brother's resturant in the Village that unfortunately no longer exists.

    My most memorable experience of the night was when his brother who is a raging queen leaned over to me and said, "Matt, do you see those two women the opposite side of the bar," motioning to them, "They're not actually women."

    This Sunday was the first Pride I missed in New York ever since.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    sundown55 saidGuys, since I'm still in my first year of being gay, I just experienced my first Pride Weekend. It was full of firsts for me. It was amazing! I'm gonna post about it, momentarily, but thought it might be nice to share the things that we all experienced and felt. Share about it whatever you want.

    Steve


    Steve.......i gotta run now, but I'm glad you started this thread. I had an amazing pride weekend too and i would like to share it with RJ.

    But later.....gotta go.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:10 PM GMT
    I admit that I don't get it. But I wouldn't really say I'm offended... the story is what it is... I just don't think RealJock is a place to tell everyone about a threesome. That's why we have Manhunt, Dudesnude, and a host of other online communities, so that there's a place for everyone, no matter what you're into.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    Steve, please email me. I would like to discuss this with you. I was inspired by your story. Not by the content as much as the feeling of freedom and validation you found.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jul 02, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    Nice job.

    What's really sad is that this could have been a really fantastic topic.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    I just tried sending a direct email to Steve, but it seems like he already deleted his profile. Frankly, I am very confused at how he would have felt it necessary to actually delete his profile over this.

    This is what I tried to email him:

    Hey man - I just saw this:

    "Nevermind. This topic has just lost all of its meaning for me, and it just needs to be totally deleted. My apologies to anyone who might have been offended by my post. I did not go into great detail, but as is often the case here, there are those who feel that it's necessary to humiliate others. I'm going to delete my profile. I guess I just don't need to be on here, anymore."

    I hope you didnt feel that I humiliated you... If so, please accept my apology. But if you did feel humiliated by my posts, why was it NOT humiliating to post details of a threesome to the forum? I'm very confused.

    This site exists for us to support each other... But it's a fitness themed site. That's all I meant to convey.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:53 PM GMT
    sometimes topics/threads get "misplaced". this shoulda been in the "sex" forum, not the general one. but most people check here so i guess he wanted to share his experiences. as far as a coming out process this site offers more than just fitness advice.

    notice how almost none of the threads under the "all things gay" forum have anything to do with fitness. there are specific forums for that too. steve shouldn't've felt the need to bolt outta here because of what you said. hopefully he'll realize that.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jul 02, 2008 8:21 PM GMT
    jms84 saidsteve shouldn't've felt the need to bolt outta here because of what you said. hopefully he'll realize that.


    think of how many people leave this site everyday. and granted, it's not the best gay-networking site for everyone. but what about all the people who leave and everyone mourns their loss.

    this was probably steve's first attempt at putting himself out there on this site and he wasnt embraced or supported. he was spit right back out and told to go somewhere else.
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    Jul 02, 2008 8:28 PM GMT
    Damn it, I really wish I had read his original post lol now I want to know all the details!
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    Jul 02, 2008 8:48 PM GMT
    The part that has me so puzzled is how he could feel humiliated by my comments, but not by the original content of his own post. We've had some rather colorful posts here on RealJock, but this one wasn't just an account of liberation and shedding the closet walls.

    I don't know, maybe there were more offline responses that weren't in public domain.

    I actually understand at least one aspect of Steve's comments. I've actually complained to a few people recently about how hostile this site can be -- or how blatantly demoralizing, because there are days where I feel all I gain from reading the posts here is a detailed account of how many people suffer from eating disorders, food phobias, codependent relationships, self esteem problems... I dunno. It can really be saddening. But last thing I wanted to do was end up adding to the negativity. I just thought the original post was too, um, juicy.

    It might have been nice if Steve had stuck around to explain just why he was feeling so hurt. I feel really bad, but I also just don't understand.
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    Jul 02, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    I'm really sorry to see Steve go. We had a lot of conversations at the time when he was coming out and getting divorce. He's posted here many times, but nothing quite recently.

    I think that Steve whole point was that he finally felt whole in all aspects of his life, and that he was embraced and loved in a way that he's never been before (I did get to read the original post). While some may have seen something about a three way, I'm assuming for him it was all about love and acceptance. He really didn't go into an gruesome details here.

    I'd make the assumption that Steve was feeling great and loved and all this, and to get a comment that it was all about sex just really burst his balloon. Sort of like he was talking to the wrong community. As he stated in his post that you can't see anymore, he tended to wear his heart of his sleeve, and I think that for him he felt it got squashed.

    While some might think that this should have been in a sex forum, I know that for Steve this was exactly the right place, because for him it was about community.
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    Jul 02, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    matt45710 said

    While some might think that this should have been in a sex forum, I know that for Steve this was exactly the right place, because for him it was about community.


    that's a really good point. i didn't see the original post. so i dunno what was really mentioned.

    and either way. if ur not happy with it, don't keep reading. we've had this argument/discussion so many times already. and i remeber steves other posts. the guy's dealt with a bunch in the last while, shame he feels one of his support networks has let him down.
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    Jul 02, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    matt45710 saidI'm really sorry to see Steve go. We had a lot of conversations at the time when he was coming out and getting divorce. He's posted here many times, but nothing quite recently.

    I think that Steve whole point was that he finally felt whole in all aspects of his life, and that he was embraced and loved in a way that he's never been before (I did get to read the original post). While some may have seen something about a three way, I'm assuming for him it was all about love and acceptance. He really didn't go into an gruesome details here.

    I'd make the assumption that Steve was feeling great and loved and all this, and to get a comment that it was all about sex just really burst his balloon. Sort of like he was talking to the wrong community. As he stated in his post that you can't see anymore, he tended to wear his heart of his sleeve, and I think that for him he felt it got squashed.

    While some might think that this should have been in a sex forum, I know that for Steve this was exactly the right place, because for him it was about community.



    Palikari talked me into coming back on here long enough to explain why I left and how I felt.

    Everything that Matt45710 (who is a dear friend) said, is exactly right. ItalianMuscleblk, it's not your fault. All you did was point out that I was humiliating myself. I realized that, after you said it, and was so embarrassed that I left. I saw that one guy asked for my email address, so I came back long enough to explain it to him, and give him my email address.

    But you have to understand... I've never been pretty like you guys, I've never been athletic or confident or desired, like you guys. Now that I'm aging, it's worse (these are things I told Palikari). Matt knows what I've been through to get this far. I'm still having issues with it all, and this last weekend was a breakthrough time for me. It was like someone turned on a light switch and I was seeing for the first time that I was not alone. I was seeing for the first time that it was just possible to feel real joy in having sex, it was just possible that I might be sexually desireable to someone, and that maybe I am not the troll that I always felt I was.

    Damn it, not everyone is raised by nurturing parents, is popular in school, has a lot of money, is successful, is beautiful and/or desireable. When they passed out all that shit, I was at the back of the line, and I got nothing. My wife never made me feel loved or sexually desireable or even like I was a man. I'm starting to get some sense of all that stuff, now, and it's the gay community that has been giving it to me - freely.

    So Matt is right - overcome by joyful exuberance, I shared something that I shouldn't have, or that should have been shared in a different way. Please forgive me. But the damage has been done. No Chuckystud, this time, but only that man in the mirror to blame.

    Steve
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    "but only that man in the mirror to blame."

    ahhh dont take it so seriously. no harm done.
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    Jul 02, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    Steve,

    I think we're all happy you had a breaththrough weekend... I may not have chatted with you, but progress is good.

    I think you should stay a member of the forum.

    If I can be so bold, I'd also like to offer a bit of advice. When you make comments like "I've never been pretty like you guys, I've never been athletic or confident or desired, like you guys. Now that I'm aging, it's worse" you aren't helping your situation.

    The fact is, it's a rare few who find that fate placed a great set of cards in their hand. And I find those few usually are shallow people who have no idea how to contend with the most basic life challenges.

    Ultimately, it's not the hand that you are dealt that matters - it's how you play the cards you are given. Most of us are not born with great self esteem, and definitely not born looking anything like we do in our profiles on this web site. Trust me, you probably can't imagine the scrawny, pimpled, coke-bottle-glasses-wearing, huge-bookbag-carrying megadork that I was 15 years ago. I just decided one day that I was going to build my own confidence, based not upon the validation of other people but on own progress and hard work living a life that I defined on my own terms.

    I think that's what it's all about. The self effacing comments aren't going to help you feel better about yourself, or assist in your finding a happier place in life. Your ongoing happiness is going to come only when you cut yourself some slack, give yourself a few much needed pats on the back, and try not to rely so much on other people's validation. We're all human, and need acceptance... But like everything, it needs to be kept in its place.

    Okay, I probably stepped way overboard in this reply, but it upset me just as much to hear some of the things you said about yourself.

    -Joey
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2008 11:18 PM GMT
    ... those are nice words joey... but now i'm really curious as to the content of the original post (not that i'm a perve or anything...)

    ... i'm a newbie here too and so far everybody seems OK with each other... this ain't the friendliest board i troll but it ain't the worst either.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 02, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    sundown55 said[quote][cite]matt45710 said[/cite]
    Palikari talked me into coming back on here long enough to explain why I left and how I felt.



    We don't want you back long enough to explain why you left. We just want you back icon_smile.gif

    I didn't read all your OP, but what I did read, I did not care for. Now that is me being very honest with you. If you feel it was a mistake to post that, well we all make mistakes. Anyone that never made a mistake, made fuck all. You do not have to be embarrassed, and you do not need to explain anything. Just get your profile up again. If you don't we will just have to hunt you down icon_smile.gif

    Mike


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    Jul 02, 2008 11:58 PM GMT
    That's my entire point, Italmusclebkn, I have made some breakthroughs, and I don't feel so much that way. I feel, finally, that I'm loved, that I'm attractive, and that I am valuable. I still have issues that I'm working through.

    But enough of this -- this forum thread is spoiled, and anyone coming into it will not get out of it what was intended.

    I'll start over with a new post. Let's deep-6 this one.

    Steve

    PS, Yomamali, don't judge the whole site by this exchange.

    MikePhil, thanks. I will rebuild my profile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
    Hey, what would a family be if we didn't argue as siblings? Everyone slam the door and let's get on with life.

    WELCOME HOME STEVE!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2008 12:09 AM GMT
    sweet... let this thread sink faster than the Titanic.