Virgin here. Care to explain some things to me?

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    Feb 22, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    I hate posting that I'm a virgin. Hate, hate, hate it because I feel like such a loser. I can't help but feel insecure that I'm a virgin and feel like other look down on me. I'm new to this whole being gay thing and you would think people of my age would have things figured out by now. I do not. I have never been in a relationship with another man yet and a lot of things confuse me. So please bear with me as I attempt to construct some clear questions

    1.) Is their a difference between a quick hook up and intimate sex? A lot of people my age just want a quick fuck-and-go without any type of meaning. Cum and dicks in general really don't do the job for me at the moment. Seeing other men kiss, suck, and interact with each other really get me going. I'm not sure why but it just does. I think sex would mean a lot more if it's intimate, but a lot of other people just say 'sex is sex.' Any truth to this?

    2.) Am I a top or bottom and is anal sex painful? I know nobody can make that decision for me but I get told that I look like a bottom, and to be honest that's how I envision things. The whole topic of anal sex never occured to me until my epiphany of being gay not too long ago. I haven't done much research into it but being a bottom seems... well... PAINFUL! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it feels great, but a huge part of me thinks it's nothing but pain. Is anal sex something that is painful all the time or does it completely leave over time? What's it like?

    3.) When did you lose your virginity and if you could go back and change when you done it would you? I know this is more of a personal question so feel free to skip, but I'm really in no rush to have sex as odd as that sounds. I work 40 hours a week and attend college full time at the moment. Relationships and sex are at the bottom of my priority list, but at the same time I feel ashamed that I don't have much experience.

    So that's it, guys! Thanks for taking the time to read!
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    Feb 22, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    2. You are a top if the thought of putting your penis in an ass appeals to you. You are a bottom if the thought of putting a penis in your ass appeals to you. You are "versatile" if both of those do. No other criteria determines top/bottom. Tell anyone who disagrees with me they are wrong.
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    Feb 22, 2012 6:41 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said2. You are a top if the thought of putting your penis in an ass appeals to you. You are a bottom if the thought of putting a penis in your ass appeals to you. You are "versatile" if both of those do. No other criteria determines top/bottom. Tell anyone who disagrees with me they are wrong.


    Okay, thanks! I'm not entirely sure which one appeals to me more. I think thinking about it is completely different from being in the moment. But I'm not the experience one here icon_biggrin.gif
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 22, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    1.Yes, difference
    2. w/e
    3. 12yrs old, iv acully never been with a guy either.. whatever happens happens but im bi so im fine ith girls until then
  • taboyer

    Posts: 2

    Feb 22, 2012 7:42 AM GMT
    I hear you about still figuring stuff out and feeling like a lot of people are ahead of you. I didn't start dating until college and felt very insecure about my lack of experience or knowledge. My first relationship was with a woman, and now I'm in my first with another man, so I'm feeling similarly insecure that a lot of my peers have more experience.

    I don't have any real-life experience with hooking up, because I wholeheartedly agree that sex is more meaningful when it's with someone you know and care about. Hooking up doesn't interest me. I prefer relationships, and if I'm not in one, there's nothing wrong with jacking off icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be strictly a top or a bottom. As for anal sex: relaxation, lubrication, communication. Whether you're topping or bottoming, go slow when prepping. I was afraid of pain the first time I bottomed, but it was phenomenal. Only a little pain when he first entered.

    I lost my virginity to a woman when I was 19. I was a bit rushed, to be honest. She was way more experienced than me and had a sex drive that I couldn't keep up with. I really enjoyed the sexual side of our relationship once I calmed down, but I wish that we would have waited a bit longer. Later in the relationship, both of us agreed that she shouldn't have pushed me to sex the way she did.
    I had sex with another man for the first time two weeks ago. I was up in the air about who should top our first time, but I don't regret bottoming for our first time. It was fantastic.

    Best of luck, Josh!
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    Feb 22, 2012 7:50 AM GMT
    Yes there is a HUGE diferent between hookup sex and that intimate kinda sex with a guy you like and likes you.

    For your first time, especially if it's the foreplay that gets you going the most DEFINITELY find a guy you like, who knows your a virgin, who's comfortable with it and who will take the time to make the experience a relaxing enjoyably one.

    Being top or bottom, try both, bottoming can hurt at first, it's a little uncomfortable, it can be painful, but it's not all screaming and blood flying everywhere and emergency services breaking down your door trying to work out who's been shot.
    Some guys take to bottoming like a duck to water others take a little bit more time and practice.
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    Feb 22, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    I really appreciate all the advice and insight guys. There are a couple of other questions that come to my mind but I'm sure I'll figure those out as I go along.
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    Feb 22, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    Josh1992 saidI hate posting that I'm a virgin. Hate, hate, hate it because I feel like such a loser. I can't help but feel insecure that I'm a virgin and feel like other look down on me. I'm new to this whole being gay thing and you would think people of my age would have things figured out by now.
    [...]


    Stop with the hatred.
    Love yourself for your loveable points. ... People will follow.
    Otherwise people will scent that you yourself feel like an insecure loser and will resultingly treat you as such.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    Josh1992 saidI hate posting that I'm a virgin. Hate, hate, hate it because I feel like such a loser. I can't help but feel insecure that I'm a virgin and feel like other look down on me. I'm new to this whole being gay thing and you would think people of my age would have things figured out by now.
    [...]


    Stop with the hatred.
    Love yourself for your loveable points. ... People will follow.
    People will scent that you yourself feel like an insecure loser and will resultingly treat you as such.


    You're probably right about that. I guess it's a bit hard to be positive about it but I think if I'm with someone who truly cares it won't matter to them (hopefully).
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 23, 2012 9:56 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidI hate posting that I'm a virgin. Hate, hate, hate it because I feel like such a loser. I can't help but feel insecure that I'm a virgin and feel like other look down on me. I'm new to this whole being gay thing and you would think people of my age would have things figured out by now. I do not. I have never been in a relationship with another man yet and a lot of things confuse me. So please bear with me as I attempt to construct some clear questions

    1.) Is their a difference between a quick hook up and intimate sex? A lot of people my age just want a quick fuck-and-go without any type of meaning. Cum and dicks in general really don't do the job for me at the moment. Seeing other men kiss, suck, and interact with each other really get me going. I'm not sure why but it just does. I think sex would mean a lot more if it's intimate, but a lot of other people just say 'sex is sex.' Any truth to this?

    2.) Am I a top or bottom and is anal sex painful? I know nobody can make that decision for me but I get told that I look like a bottom, and to be honest that's how I envision things. The whole topic of anal sex never occured to me until my epiphany of being gay not too long ago. I haven't done much research into it but being a bottom seems... well... PAINFUL! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it feels great, but a huge part of me thinks it's nothing but pain. Is anal sex something that is painful all the time or does it completely leave over time? What's it like?

    3.) When did you lose your virginity and if you could go back and change when you done it would you? I know this is more of a personal question so feel free to skip, but I'm really in no rush to have sex as odd as that sounds. I work 40 hours a week and attend college full time at the moment. Relationships and sex are at the bottom of my priority list, but at the same time I feel ashamed that I don't have much experience.

    So that's it, guys! Thanks for taking the time to read!


    First, don't be insecure about your virginity, it's a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. A LOT of gay guys didn't have their first experience until college or even their mid 20s because prior to that they were too insecure about coming to terms with their sexuality. It's pretty common. And my answers to some of your questions.

    1. Intimate sex and hook-ups are completely different. I've done both and I really don't enjoy hook-ups that much. I always regret it a bit afterward because it just didn't do much for me. Intimate sex, when you have shared something with the person and you really enjoy each other - that is soooo much better. And from your descriptions, I think you would feel the same way. I would say wait to have sex until you find someone that you have feelings for.

    2. No one can answer this. As others have said being a top or bottom has nothing at all to do what how you look, it's completely how you feel. Since you are interested in both, sounds like you are versatile - which I personally think is the best. It gives you and future partners more options in bed. Sometimes it can hurt a bit at first, but only a few seconds. If you're doing it right it shouldn't hurt at all - all pleasure. As others have said, take it slow, use lube and communicate. Make sure the guy you are with is patient when its your first time. You may also want to think about getting a dildo or something to try out for yourself before you try with someone. Start small!

    3. I lost my virginity to a woman when I was 16. But... well, it's a long story but it wasn't something I wanted to do. I lost my virginity to a man when I was 22 and this is when I consider that I really "came of age". The first time around I bottomed and stayed a bottom for quite a while. I don't think I topped for at least a year after that when I met a guy that didn't like to top. I would not change it for the world, but that is because I really cared for this guy - my first love. We didn't just have sex, it was the true definition of "making love". I trusted him, he went slow in the beginning and it was beautiful. After that, and once we found our timing, we went at it like bunnies, lol. But it was always passionate and loving and rarely hurt - and then only fleetingly. The best kind. So look for that, you wont regret it either.
  • el_pdm

    Posts: 23

    Feb 23, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    probably will be reiterating what others have said but never mind... icon_smile.gif

    First of all, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no time limit for these things. Generally laws have the age of consent at 16 - 18 to protect people. This age is not compulsory for having sex though. You should wait until it is right. As someone said with gay men, many don't experiment or have sex until they are in their 20s, 30s even.

    Hooking up carried a 'thrill' the first few times I did it. Thereafter I just felt bad about myself and pretty empty. Not worth it! It is also dangerous - remember the risks that exist if you are going to be sexually active. These are heightened if you don't know your partner well. Always protect yourself and never assume other people will.

    As for bottoming/topping... it is hard to know what you like and why. Again, no need to categorise yourself. You can like both or it may even depend on a partner! See how you feel.

    basically, sex can be amazing. It can however be dangerous and affect your physical and mental health. Stay safe, do things when you're ready and don't be talked into anything you don't want to do!