Family issues, I can't take much more.

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Feb 23, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    Not the owner of this account but need some opinions. (Friend of the owner, he's allowed me to use it for this)

    Background:
    Moved out with my boyfriend a month ago due to a lot of stress at home and at work (23 years old).. Mom found out I moved the day of when she saw an empty closet.. Didn't tell her before because she tends to be irrational and the reactions that followed were just that. Tons of crying, saying she will die, not understanding how I am gay, not understanding why I would leave.
    The absolute solution: Move back home and we will never speak of it again. Move out when I go do a PhD in another city... but moving out while in the same city is absolutely no.

    Current me:
    I feel like I am suffering from depression. Nothing makes me happy anymore, I can go a week without speaking to family and honestly not care what is going on with them. I haven't been able to enjoy very much of anything lately... Good progress in work excites me for the moment and then I just don't care. I haven't spoken to friends in months after coming out to them (some positive and negative reactions from each with regards to that), and even though I get texts from them now I just don't want to respond. My entire social life has changed, I used to go out daily and socialize... I just want to sit at my new place now until I need to sleep.
    Thoughts of suicide are recurring and usually pop up when something is discussed with regards to my family.

    My fear is that what I have become now is harming my relationship with my boyfriend and although he has been patient with me so far, how much more until it is too much? I can't say I blame him if he regrets getting involved with me because honestly I do not know what I have provided him positive in his life when you account for all the negative.

    Current situation:
    I went to see my mom last night and we talked and talked and I asked what would solve all this. And she said moved back home and we will never speak of anything again. I said that will never make me happy.. she said that is all in my head. I honestly cannot take anymore pressure. I said fine to moving back, and she changed her mood entirely to how she was a month ago.
    As for me, I can't stop crying. I feel dead. I don't care about anything anymore and am convinced I don't deserve to be around or have anyone. If I do move back, I know I will hate my life.. and I know when it comes time to leave the city I will never look back at anyone, friends or family. I feel like I need to just forget my past and work on my future. But how would this affect my relationship? Probably negatively.. And I don't know what I can do. I will support him with whatever he needs, if he is with me or not. I love him, but I don't want him to eventually grow to hate me.

    And if I stay moved out, my situation won't change. My feelings of miserableness will persist, but I will also have on my conscience that I am killing my family. That what I am doing is selfish.

    I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I want to help myself, but I wonder why bother if something will always come up to knock me down.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 23, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    dude take your boyfriend out and have a drink.. just dance that funk off....
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Feb 23, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    dang dude it sounds like the situation really stinks...
    I'm sure your boyfriend is understanding but also you should try to have some fun with him.
    As for your family, if they are not accepting, then you shouldn't burden yourself with frivolous thoughts of pleasing them.
    Your only as happy as you want to be!
    If all else fails, perhaps you should see a psychiatrist, it is helpful sometimes to get an outside opinion that is only interested in your well being
    Stay safe... icon_smile.gif