Do you blame the internet?

  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 23, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Do you blame the internet for being single? In this day and age, there is an internet connection in virtually every household.

    I feel like if you are on a dating/hookup/fitness/whatever website, it's easy to meet someone. With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 23, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    I guess it's just me then lol
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    Feb 23, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single?

    No, I thank the Internet for having helped me find my first as well as my current partners (the first one tragically died). The Internet is not unlike a gay bar or club - it's what you make of it, just another social tool, as productive or as wasteful a use of your time as you choose.
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    Feb 23, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    I agree with you completely man. Im not sure how long these online relationships even last if/when people meet. I think Im single because I live in a small southern town haha and online is my only true option of meeting someone out there...
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 23, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single?

    No, I thank the Internet for having helped me find my first as well as my current partners (the first one tragically died). The Internet is not unlike a gay bar or club - it is what you make of it, just another social tool, as productive or as wasteful a use of your time as you choose.


    When did you meet them? Because I feel like this issue only came up within the last 4 years. Anytime before that, internet dating wasnt as popular
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    Feb 23, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 said
    Art_Deco said
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single?

    No, I thank the Internet for having helped me find my first as well as my current partners (the first one tragically died). The Internet is not unlike a gay bar or club - it is what you make of it, just another social tool, as productive or as wasteful a use of your time as you choose.


    When did you meet them? Because I feel like this issue only came up within the last 4 years. Anytime before that, internet dating wasnt as popular

    I'm not clear why you think "this issue only came up within the last 4 years".

    I met my first partner online in 2000, my second in 2007. Both are outside your 4-year limit. Why do you choose that particular number?

    I was dating guys from online beginning in 1995, before Internet gay social sites had even become widespread, when I was merely using local dial-up services. And frankly I found it easier to date through locally operated BBS, since everybody was right there in your own community, not all over the globe. The Internet gives greater numbers, but also greater distances to overcome.

    I subscribe to the theory that it's better to meet many guys than fewer, because it increases your chances of meeting the right guy. But it does also mean you'll meet many more wrong guys, an occupational hazard.

    It's like being in a big store versus a little store when you go shopping. I prefer a large selection to a small one, since I feel confident in my ability to sort out just what I want. I never like being forced to take something just because it's all there is on hand.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 23, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    Like I said, internet dating and websites (with the exception of myspace and a still new facebook) wasn't as popular. I was just out of college 4 years ago. Apps like Grindr and Jack'd didnt exist. Sites like this and the previous connexion.org didnt have nearly the same number of members as it does today.

    I find dating now is much more complicated because everyone is connected, and I also mean that with smart phones. If somone sends you a message, you now get it sent to you in seconds to the phone attached to your hip.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 23, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    And piggy backing off of that, you have a partner, you aren't single and looking for guys to connect with and date. It's easier to say you aren't effected by it when you aren't in the market for it lol
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    I thought the internet, despite the prevalence of fakers and temptations, provided more opportunities for partnering. Before the internet people went out more to meet new people and since they'd meet them in person by definition what they saw was pretty much what they got. But for people like me who hated bars and partying because they weren't night owls, didn't drink or care for cigarette smoke (no smoking bans then), the option of ordering in would've found us prospective mates faster.

  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 23, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single? In this day and age, there is an internet connection in virtually every household.

    I feel like if you are on a dating/hookup/fitness/whatever website, it's easy to meet someone. With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?


    No, I don't blame the internet and, like Art Deco, I met two of my longest and greatest relationships online. And, again, have no idea why you think just the last four years. Yes, there are more sites and apps now, but ten years ago every single one of my gay friends were online in social settings and meeting guys online. Even before MySpace and Facebook, there were forums and chat rooms and dating sites that everyone went on. There is no difference to me now than there was then. There has always been the "somone better around the corner" for as long as gay men have been out in the open as a whole. The applications have changed, the way we meet people has changed, but nothing else.

    The first guy I met online I was with for three years and didn't work out but we are still good friends. We met online in... I think it was about 2003. My second boyfriend I met online in 2007. He was from Brazil and we lived here together for four years until his student visa expired. Still great friends with him as well, in fact we're looking at being business partners in the future. Both quality guys in looks and personality. I'm single again and dating again, meeting guys online again as well as out and about, and I'm not seeing what your talking about at all. Dates don't work out a lot of the time and for a lot of reasons, that's what they are for - to see if you are compatible. It sucks sometimes but it has nothing to do with social media. It's just the process.

    If a guy blows you off after a couple of dates only because he starts looking for greener pastures and never gave it a chance to see what a great guy you are, then he's not worth your time anyway. Instead of blaming the internet, maybe it's time to look for better quality guys. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    I wouldnt blame the internet per say its not a tangible thing to blame, or is it? Its the people using it that are the issue.

    Its not only gay dating, straights are finding the same issues. An example my good friend from San Fran recently moved back here (straight female) and has the same issues as we all seem to have.

    I think it says more about the human condition than the internet
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single? In this day and age, there is an internet connection in virtually every household.

    I feel like if you are on a dating/hookup/fitness/whatever website, it's easy to meet someone. With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?


    Hmmm...no I blame the guys. Boys will get excited over the next best thing. Men would stay with the good thing they have and maybe chat with old friends online, but otherwise be too excited about you methinks.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidAnd piggy backing off of that, you have a partner, you aren't single and looking for guys to connect with and date. It's easier to say you aren't effected by it when you aren't in the market for it lol


    Umm you live outside of NYC are extremely cute, I'm surprised the boys are not lining up down the block for you.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    I blame myself, some of us around here have integrity icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    internet is my life.
  • musclmed

    Posts: 3284

    Feb 23, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single? In this day and age, there is an internet connection in virtually every household.

    I feel like if you are on a dating/hookup/fitness/whatever website, it's easy to meet someone. With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?


    If it was not for the internet , its unlikely I would have been with my partner today ( 13 years). I didn't give up my number. But I gave up my email.

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    Feb 23, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    The internet certainly makes it easier to distinguish between who is gay and who isn't (seeing as I have the worst gaydar ever), however I do agree that it puts a damper on meeting people face-to-face (which is mostly why I am single)...
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    No, I don't blame the internet. I blame myself for the refusal to be more assertive and bold in public. The internet provides a safe haven for ones who are socially introverted, but we still have the choice to decide how we want to approach that.

    It's like saying, I hate fast food because it makes me fat and not work out at all. I actually think the internet makes it easier to find someone worth dating... and also someone worth sexting with... and someone worth stalking over.
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    No. I'm trying to push guys away. I don't feel I'm in any place to be dating right now. It's so easy to douche around here. I know my attitude is my fault. It's also my fault I feel like crap about things I didn't do that weren't my fault...

    How the hell do I get out of neutral?!
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidDo you blame the internet for being single? In this day and age, there is an internet connection in virtually every household.

    I feel like if you are on a dating/hookup/fitness/whatever website, it's easy to meet someone. With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?
    Nope. I blame being shy, a late bloomer, and not into hookups for being single.
  • HollywoodHist...

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    Feb 23, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    This thread shows me that there are a lot of great guys on RJ who are actually looking for something real and lasting. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:29 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 said With that being said, it's easy for that someone you met to get bored with you after a date or two because someone else they found cute came along. We are constantly surrounded by gay men, and with that it's incredibly easy to change your mind.

    I honestly feel like this is why I am still single. Anyone else agree?


    No, I don't agree because what you said (being surrounded by gay men or someone else cuter comes along) happens even without the internet.

    On the other hand, the internet can be very helpful for us shy people who have trouble approaching someone in person. I think the internet has made it a little easier for us to get a date.
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    Feb 23, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    I blame the internet for having more and better sex than ever before.
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    Feb 23, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    Well I don't feel surrounded by gay men.
    The only thing that surrounds me when I look around are treesicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 1:34 PM GMT
    No.

    The choices made by an individual, in tandem with opportunity, are what "keep someone single."

    Some people may live in very remote, less populous areas. That'd be an extenuating circumstance.

    But if you live in a decent sized city with internet access, you have no problem meeting men. Your choices thereafter - standards of behavior, lifestyle, etc - will impact your relationship status far more than "the internet."