27 and still haven't had sex, am I holding it too tight?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:01 AM GMT
    27 here, masc, engineer, judo player, not out. Got hit on by girls here and there but so far no luck with guys.

    I always wanted my first time to be a good b/c I am gonna remember it. So for a long time, I was like no date, no sex. A lot of athletic next door guys in their 20s are like "ONLY for fun". I get it guys like to have fun, but I want to know the guy, hang out a bit, hit it to the gym, watch a movie, then maybe more. It just like a bromance. I get harder when I have some crush. Plus I am a health freak and Std paranoid so prefer no hook ups. Ppl I am interested mostly send messages like "looking now? how big?" I dont know, feel like a piece of meat sitting on the bench at a supermarket icon_redface.gif

    A total top guy here so I can always use my best two friends but some times I feel like I am "wasting" my good youth. So should I put my emotional feelings aside and just have sex and have fun? I prob need some adjustment in that case.

    Is (was) anyone in a similar situation as me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:06 AM GMT
    too+tight+pants.jpg
    tumblr_ljbanuekXF1qf2okgo1_500.jpg
    *giggle*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    torontoblue said
    I always wanted my first time to be a good b/c I am gonna remember it.


    Your first time is very likely going to be awkward, not all that pleasurable, and if you choose to bottom it could very likely be very painful. I'm not making an argument for or against waiting, I'm just stating a fact that people aren't magically good at sex the first time they try it. It's a physical activity that, like any physical activity, requires practice and time to get a feel for how to make it a pleasurable experience for two people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    Who started that ridiculous fairytale about the first time being a magical moment? It's far from it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    torontoblue said
    I always wanted my first time to be a good b/c I am gonna remember it.


    Your first time is very likely going to be awkward, not all that pleasurable, and if you choose to bottom it could very likely be very painful. I'm not making an argument for or against waiting, I'm just stating a fact that people aren't magically good at sex the first time they try it. It's a physical activity that, like any physical activity, requires practice and time to get a feel for how to make it a pleasurable experience for two people.


    Thanks. Bottom is not for me. Not the pain but it doesn't turn me on at all. First timers needs practice is another reason I try to avoid hookups. Want to be with someone with patience so I can practice a bit icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    torontoblue said Want to be with someone with patients so I can practice a bit icon_smile.gif


    a87139_xlf.jpg

    tumblr_lc26xaUci71qekbt1o1_500.gif
    I'm sorry, I can't help it the lulz potential level is over 9000!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    I was 30 when I had what I consider "real" sex (penetrative, both on the giving and receiving ends). It was with my second and current boyfriend with whom I have great sexual chemistry. Interestingly enough, my prior boyfriend of three and a half years and I never had penetrative sex. We certainly did other things, but there wasn't as much sexual chemistry.

    I know what it feels like to be in your late 20s and still have not experienced sex as you see other guys doing starting in their late teens. But remember that everyone is different.

    To echo what the other guys are saying here, the first time I penetrated it was not that pleasurable for me, and the first time I was penetrated it wasn't that pleasurable either. Since then it has gotten both easier and more enjoyable. Sex, especially for a guy who's new at it, takes time to evolve to where you enjoy it (at least in my case).

    I also understand about your fear of hook-ups, as I myself have never had a hook-up. I've just been with two guys so far---my ex-boyfriend and my current one.

    Not sure if I've given you any advice but at least I've shared my personal experience.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Feb 23, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    Well, that is a bit late. If all else fails, you might want to try this thread... icon_rolleyes.gif


    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2198925
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    Strictly trial and error. It's nice that you've waited so long and I'm sure you have your reasons but don't wait too long.

    MPW-15577
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    I'm 23 and I haven't had any sex or relationship. But I've not come out to people in public. Sadly, I'm not allowed to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    this is so cool , all of the virgins on here icon_smile.gif wanna be my boyfriend icon_smile.gif your so cute bro
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 23, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Sex is just like any other life skill. It takes practice and repetition to become comfortable (and proficient) at it.

    As Delores Herbig says "You know, when you are young like you are [Millie] it's easy. Man, woman, bottom, top... sex is a big buffet and you are just a fat man with a fork. But, as you get older, it's harder to get a fork."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    Its not about being good at it your first time. its about who you do it with and whether or not you love them.. Thats why i plan on holding out until i am with someone i truly love. even if it takes me until im 40, im not going to have sex with just any guy.. i would never have sex for just fun because i think its a way of showing someone you care for them. I'm not embarassed of being a virgin, im proud in a way.
    So really dont feel pressured, and wait until you know it is with someone special.. At least that is how i feel. But of course everyone is different, and my opinion doesnt match most guys here. its your choice.

    icon_smile.gif

    well good luck with figuring things out..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    I waited until I was 24, at which point I decided that enough was enough. I had what is probably the most awkward, uncomfortable/painful and all-around unpleasant experience of my life until now. I was not influenced in my decision by anyone or anything and I don't regret it. If you are ready, then go for it.
  • SuperPump

    Posts: 242

    Feb 23, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    hook up with a guy you are attracted to and get it over with. Waiting for the perfect guy? have fun waiting forever..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    There's some idealism at play here, like the teenage girl's dream of being swept away by a knight in shining armor on his white horse.

    There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but that might be why you're having "no luck with guys".

    At the same time, your methods of finding a guy (which sound like they're strictly online) are probably not going to get you what you want. Or it may not be the methods, per se, but where you're finding them online. Personally, after years of romping around, I've stayed away from those sites where I know all I'll get is the sexual come-on. If you're not putting yourself out there in bars you've got to find the right avenues to find the right guys. Maybe match.com or okcupid.com are the places for you.
  • jboy84

    Posts: 556

    Feb 23, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    If you're not ready you're not ready. Trust me, you'll know when you're ready.

    FYI, if someone on RJ tells you to "suck it up and do it" then don't take their advise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    Your approach is antiquated. You're taking an approach from many many decades ago when sex was merely a fringe benefit (or if your catholic enough - not the religion but the literal meaning) a means for procreation.

    You've got to just hook up for the purpose of getting to understand that different guys want and like different things. More importantly, you'll discover, in your own context, that there's often very little correlation between the kind of guy a man is and what he wants in bed.

    Without this experience, your chance of finding someone to be in a relationship with that's a good relationship, highly unlikely. You can't make an informed decision about "the right guy" without experience.

    As for 'the first time' experience, you need to understand two things.
    1. You will always remember it regardless of whether it is good, bad or mediocre. The more genuinely powerful aspect of it is that it is "The First Time" than the quality of the experience.
    2. Unless it's violently horrible (rape, etc.), it will not deter you from eventually finding the right guy.

    You can listen to other guys experiences and while that is helpful, none will compare to your own. What's perfect for one guy may be irrelevant to another (I'm referring to sex specifically here). You need experience to find out both what you like based on actual situations (not imagined and fantasized ones) and also (just as important and frequently not even considered) what pleases the other guy, because that will be different with each guy. Additionally, you will find out things you never considered.

    As a simple analogy, would you buy a car without ever sitting in it or driving it? Would you buy a home without walking through it and seeing how it's setup, light, and location feel in a way that can't be conveyed by a brochure?

    I'm not saying that you should jump into a relationship, but a lack of experience could prematurely end a potentially great relationship because of it. If, on the other hand, you have a religious belief or strict moral code that prevents you from doing this, then you have to be aware of the consequences of that decision and you won't have the moral 'right' to object later and hurt someone else, because of it.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Feb 23, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    Yes, you are wasting your youth. Get out there, use your head, but have fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    no worries I'm 22 and a virgin as well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 23, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    I wanted to clarify a point that I may have only implied at best on my previous post.
    There's nothing wrong or bad about being a virgin. My point is to not expect your first time to be the 'love of your life' although it often feels that way.

    My point is to 'learn' sex via experience prior to choosing a long term partner (if that is your goal). It will allow you to make a more informed decision.

    Throwing darts, blind folded in a room with a dartboard (and you don't even know where the dartboard is in the room, can lead to a lot of wasted time, energy and possibly unintended damage. At least learn where the dartboard is and what the target is before you start blindly throwing darts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 24, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidWell, that is a bit late. If all else fails, you might want to try this thread... icon_rolleyes.gif


    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2198925



    haha, thanks AZ (well AZ is actually my initial as well) I got enough sex invites, from online and from gym shower (they tend to show me their junk, I usually look away)


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 24, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    jerarimong saidIts not about being good at it your first time. its about who you do it with and whether or not you love them.. Thats why i plan on holding out until i am with someone i truly love. even if it takes me until im 40, im not going to have sex with just any guy.. i would never have sex for just fun because i think its a way of showing someone you care for them. I'm not embarassed of being a virgin, im proud in a way.
    So really dont feel pressured, and wait until you know it is with someone special.. At least that is how i feel. But of course everyone is different, and my opinion doesnt match most guys here. its your choice.

    icon_smile.gif

    well good luck with figuring things out..



    Thanks man, that's pretty much exactly what I have in mind. Even for dinners/parties, I always say it's not that important what we eat/drink, what matters is whom I am spending time with.

    Well, I don't know, I am being myself and trying to follow my heart so far, we will see how it goes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 24, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    torontoblue said
    CuriousJockAZ saidWell, that is a bit late. If all else fails, you might want to try this thread... icon_rolleyes.gif


    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2198925



    haha, thanks AZ (well AZ is actually my initial as well) I got enough sex invites, from online and from gym shower (they tend to show me their junk, I usually look away)




    Ehh don't use an Escort! I think my email to you echoes what everyone else is saying, I can't even believe I'm telling someone to hookup but for this particular situation I think you should and get it over with. Had I never hooked-up I would still be a virgin today...it sucks, it truly does, I too wanted a prince charming, but reality bites.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 24, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidThere's some idealism at play here, like the teenage girl's dream of being swept away by a knight in shining armor on his white horse.

    There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but that might be why you're having "no luck with guys".

    At the same time, your methods of finding a guy (which sound like they're strictly online) are probably not going to get you what you want. Or it may not be the methods, per se, but where you're finding them online. Personally, after years of romping around, I've stayed away from those sites where I know all I'll get is the sexual come-on. If you're not putting yourself out there in bars you've got to find the right avenues to find the right guys. Maybe match.com or okcupid.com are the places for you.



    I am not limiting myself online. I talk to ppl and attend friends gathering. However I am constantly mistaken to be str8 even at a gay party :*(

    I also hit it to the gym quite often and I talk to ppl, most ppl I am attracted are str8 (or unknown)

    Well masc or no, I am comfortable about myself and will keep this way, guess I need to be more aggressive when it comes guys hunting :*)