How much is too much?

  • Agladiator

    Posts: 39

    Feb 23, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    Hi All,

    I've been with my boyfriend for just over 1 year now - leaving together for 5 months.

    I have a very high sex driv, I think.. well, I often think about sex and I like it a lot - when I was single I've done 11 people in 7 days! Loved it!!! icon_biggrin.gif
    I'm very open about it and feel confident and I have no issues really...

    My bf is a bit different - Am not happy with our sex life, at all. For months I've been pushing it... Now that we both realised we are very much in love and committed to each other, I can't stop thiking how our sex life is a mess!
    He's not really into sex, I mean, he wanks every day, he loves porns and he would be very happy just wanking everyday with his porns and no need for real sex for 2 weeks - that's how his sex life used to be before being with me - Am the first "real" bf he ever had. So he's not used to it I guess.

    i spoke to him few times. He alsways says I put pressure on it and he feels like he has to do it... Also he admitted he has intimacy issues - so he rather dealing with a laptop rather then someone - not good for me - total opposite!

    So 2 weeks ago i told him that I wanted to get all the pressure off and he can just come to me whenever he wants and I will be ready for sex.. i won't ask anymore so he doesn't feel underpressured by me. he appreciated. The following week nothis at all - the weekend we did it but it felt odd.. not really spontanious - as always really-
    This mornig he sayd that we don't do sex anymore and i haven't ask for it??? Although we did n't do it...
    He's not a lot of fun when comes to sex and not very "open" - after a year still not sure what he likes and what not... and I ptryed everythign, believe me...

    I'm tired of being refused or being told I want too much - for me would be great 2-3 times per week and some BJ or wank here and there... He lately started to get the laptop and wank together - for him is a sobstitute of sex.. not for me - also because wanking like he does is like being 15 years old - he's not big fan og BJs, (am top) or cum...

    I really don't what else to do or say to him.. don;t what this to be a huge issue with him (more than what it is already) but I can't just repress myself...

    What if I start cheating? Or maybe should organize a 3some? But I know if i do that the couple will crash! (he would like a 3some as he recently asked)
    he also doesn't want me to go with other people of course...

    Help - I've posted same issue months ago on here... still same stage... icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    compatibility. sometimes you have to recognize what would be a deal breaker in your relationship...otherwise, compromise on only 1 end is not really a compromise.
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:07 PM GMT
    How old is he, if you don't mind my asking?
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    That's unfortunate. The thing I would suggest is to maybe go see a therapist or psychiatrist and maybe figure out what his issues might be. You said he has intimacy issues so that's a start.
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    i cant get enough sex.... you come see me...icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    He could try giving up his laptop/porn addition and only come to you for anything sexual. But that's something he needs to agree to.

    Or you need to talk about having an open relationship.

    Or move on a find a more compatible partner. *pick me , I'm game* icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 23, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    Ugh that sounds awful. Im like u with high sex drive. Sounds like u are sexualy incompatible.

    B4 i date anyone, we have to have a sexual relationship first. If we are sexually compatible, i will consider dating. Avoids a ton of relationship pitfalls
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    Feb 23, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    catfish5 saidB4 i date anyone, we have to have a sexual relationship first. If we are sexually compatible, i will consider dating. Avoids a ton of relationship pitfalls

    Me too. I feel sexual incompatibility is a recipe for cheating in relationships.
  • Agladiator

    Posts: 39

    Mar 02, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    Hey All,

    Thanks for all your replies -
    I've followed some of your advice and I finally talked to my partner - I reached a point of unhappiness and frustration that makes believe I don't want to be with him anymore... we’ve been fighting for anything because all day I think about the issue and I build up the ager and when I see him at home for any stupid reason I blow up...

    Said this - last weekend we had a very good conversation about it - It happened because I probably got to a stage where I wanted to shack him so badly to make him understand there is a very big issue here and if not solved soon will bring us apart.
    So after hrs of talking he finally opened up to me and talked - as I already mentioned he has intimacy issues - he cannot deal with sex if becomes close to someone - that's why he never had a long or serious relationship. We have been together for 1 year now…
    So he wanks and watches porns to avoid the problem to "deal" with me sexually - other option is wanking together with porns - it all comes from when he discovered he being gay.. so I believe a lot to do under there...

    Well, we both agreed he needs to see someone - also he will stop wanking and watch porns so he will be horny and will come to me... hopefully… Will he though?

    All this is putting me down because I now feel like the all sex thing is a therapy and not something enjoyable for either of us... also the fact I always have to keep an eye on him if he wanks or not really kills me...

    This morning I've checked his history (laptop) and all was deleted.. so made quite suspicious... so I asked if he wanked since the talk (last Monday)-he said no he didn't but he was annoyed at me - saying after the talk of course not! but I saw the history and it's a bit odd (he used to delete the history at the beginning when he didn't want to find out we was wanking all the time) Is he wanking and not admit it? I told him all this is not easy for me and he's putting through this and the minimum he can do is stop wanking and work on this together otherwise it won't be fair on me...

    Fuck! how hard is that- today is Friday and do not even feel like spending time with him over the weekend...

    What would you do? How can I get out of this circle.. I can't stop thinking about it ....
    Very upset – just feel down and wanna be alone and cry – sooo dramatic! I know!