Online friends and distances

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Would you start an email conversation with someone who is thousands of miles away if you felt that you may have a lot in common? I've recently got in touch with a guy here on RJ who is based in the US (I am in the UK) and after a few messages he asked me what I am hoping for and why I am spending so much time writing to someone on another continent.

    I fully understand the limitations of geography, but in my view, geographical distances are easier to overcome than distances in personalities. You can live with someone on the same street and be complete strangers. Plus I am in [different parts of] the US at least 2-3 times a year for work or holiday, so I could tweak my schedule and arrange a personal meet if there was mutual interest.

    So the question is, if you were based in, say, Boston or New York, would you talk to someone in San Diego, Seattle, or even Honolulu if you felt that you may have a connection? What about guys in Mexico or Alaska? Or would you just talk to local guys in your area? I'm not saying that you necessarily need to live happily ever after lol, just to get in touch initially to see if you hit it off and take it from there.
  • WhoDey

    Posts: 561

    Feb 23, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    For me, I've moved around a lot the last couple years and it seems like guys who live closer to me are less likely to respond than guys who live closer to me for some reason.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    I have friends I met online who live all over the US. Some I have known for 10 years and never laid eyes on them in person. I dont have any problem with those relationships. would I move for one them? no. Would I visit? yes.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:29 PM GMT
    Hmmm...you said friends in the title but your post sounds like romantic interests.

    We've made a lot of online friends, and have met a few. This is the beauty of the internet, instant global communication. icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    My definition of a friend: someone whom I can meet for lunch and not travel more than 30 minutes.

    Anyone else is a penpal, Twitter follower or Facebook pal.

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    Feb 23, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Sure, I'd talk to them, but I'd do it knowing that there's abut zero chance it will go any farther than an online penpal. We might enjoy the occasional chat when we're both online, but I wouldn't invest a lot of energy into someone who lives very far away. There's no point. I also find it funny when I meet or chat with guys in big cities and they say things like "why can't I find a guy like you" and my response is, "I have no idea, you live in a big city!" I see no reason to get all excited by a guy thousands of miles away. It's pointless.

    Personally, I'm not online to make a bunch of new friends. I have plenty of friends. Not saying that new friends aren't desired, but that's not my objective. I'm more interested in meeting someone to date. So that person has to live close enough and want the same kind of life and lifestyle that I lead.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    I'm friends/penpals icon_razz.gif with one guy on here and we share witty banter on skype every now and again.

    He's a really nice chap who I wouldn't have talked to otherwise so I'm open minded about long distance mates.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    meninlove said Hmmm...you said friends in the title but your post sounds like romantic interests.

    Yup, and not a single person who uses this site is "near me". So, to put holes in your happiness post... I talk to men from around the world as online friends all the time! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    I began commenting in Forums back and forth with someone who lived about 3,000 miles away (opposite coasts of the US). A year or so later we began to e-mail and speak by phone for a year or so more. Then, we met and had some cross country visits (weekends, etc.) Finally - about three years after initially speaking, we became a couple - with one of us moving cross-country. We would never have imagined this outcome stemming from some Forum communication in '07.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Feb 23, 2012 3:48 PM GMT
    90% of the people on this site are from the USA so ye, I do start conversations with ppl 3000 miles away icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    Depending on how things go, I really don't see the harm in carrying on a conversation with someone so far away. I'm not a social butterfly, so I genuinely love it when I get to chat with someone for an extended amount of time about...nothing. I guess the only trouble comes along if you realize that you're starting to develop romantic feelings for the other person. Realistically, you have to accept that you'll probably never meet in real life unless either of you is a big traveler.

    I don't believe in moving any distance just for a guy. If you move for a job or because you just need to continue your life in another area of the world, go for it. If it so happens that your love interest is closer to you because of it, then that's just a bonus.

    Toscar, I wouldn't hold back because of the distance between you and your friend in the U.S., just be honest with yourself about your expectations and how realistic they are.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Feb 23, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    Lasting online connections are rare, but do happen. I started an email correspondance with a guy I met online. He was in DC, then in London. Now he lives in Boston. It's over twelve years later and we still talk on the phone regularly, and I've met him twice.

    So, if both side find the connection, it can last.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    Toscar saidWould you start an email conversation with someone who is thousands of miles away if you felt that you may have a lot in common? I've recently got in touch with a guy here on RJ who is based in the US (I am in the UK) and after a few messages he asked me what I am hoping for and why I am spending so much time writing to someone on another continent.

    I fully understand the limitations of geography, but in my view, geographical distances are easier to overcome than distances in personalities. You can live with someone on the same street and be complete strangers. Plus I am in [different parts of] the US at least 2-3 times a year for work or holiday, so I could tweak my schedule and arrange a personal meet if there was mutual interest.

    So the question is, if you were based in, say, Boston or New York, would you talk to someone in San Diego, Seattle, or even Honolulu if you felt that you may have a connection? What about guys in Mexico or Alaska? Or would you just talk to local guys in your area? I'm not saying that you necessarily need to live happily ever after lol, just to get in touch initially to see if you hit it off and take it from there.


    Obviously! Airline fairs are cheap.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your responses. Appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    swimguychicago said
    Toscar saidWould you start an email conversation with someone who is thousands of miles away if you felt that you may have a lot in common? I've recently got in touch with a guy here on RJ who is based in the US (I am in the UK) and after a few messages he asked me what I am hoping for and why I am spending so much time writing to someone on another continent.

    I fully understand the limitations of geography, but in my view, geographical distances are easier to overcome than distances in personalities. You can live with someone on the same street and be complete strangers. Plus I am in [different parts of] the US at least 2-3 times a year for work or holiday, so I could tweak my schedule and arrange a personal meet if there was mutual interest.

    So the question is, if you were based in, say, Boston or New York, would you talk to someone in San Diego, Seattle, or even Honolulu if you felt that you may have a connection? What about guys in Mexico or Alaska? Or would you just talk to local guys in your area? I'm not saying that you necessarily need to live happily ever after lol, just to get in touch initially to see if you hit it off and take it from there.


    Obviously! Airline fairs are cheap.


    Fares* icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:38 PM GMT
    Hey a friend is still a friend, doesn't matter where they are. On sites like this it's hard not to meet cool people from all over the place.
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    oh ya and, yes, I have and will continue to talk to and meet guys who don't live near me.
    Even now I'm in constant contact with someone who is almost a thousand miles away from me.
    But it's just distance - no big deal! It's nothing that can't be overcome with a few hundred bucks or FF points and a 2 hour flight.
    I never say never - I'm just like that. Open to possibilities no matter what whether it's friends or more. Because if there is a will there is *always* a way icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    Why wouldn't you? Even if it never gets past the pen-pal stage, so what? You haven't lost anything by having a conversation with another human being, regardless of where they are in the world. Just keep your expectations realistic and enjoy yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidsays the whore who broke my cyberheart


    I've got a green stain on my finger that says that YOU'RE the one who broke MY heart.

    (Wait! Does that sound really wrong?)