How much is too much?

  • Agladiator

    Posts: 39

    Feb 23, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    Hi All,

    I've been with my boyfriend for just over 1 year now - leaving together for 5 months.

    I have a very high sex driv, I think.. well, I often think about sex and I like it a lot - when I was single I've done 11 people in 7 days! Loved it!!!
    I'm very open about it and feel confident and I have no issues really...

    My bf is a bit different - Am not happy with our sex life, at all. For months I've been pushing it... Now that we both realised we are very much in love and committed to each other, I can't stop thiking how our sex life is a mess!
    He's not really into sex, I mean, he wanks every day, he loves porns and he would be very happy just wanking everyday with his porns and no need for real sex for 2 weeks - that's how his sex life used to be before being with me - Am the first "real" bf he ever had. So he's not used to it I guess.

    i spoke to him few times. He alsways says I put pressure on it and he feels like he has to do it... Also he admitted he has intimacy issues - so he rather dealing with a laptop rather then someone - not good for me - total opposite!

    So 2 weeks ago i told him that I wanted to get all the pressure off and he can just come to me whenever he wants and I will be ready for sex.. i won't ask anymore so he doesn't feel underpressured by me. he appreciated. The following week nothis at all - the weekend we did it but it felt odd.. not really spontanious - as always really-
    This mornig he sayd that we don't do sex anymore and i haven't ask for it??? Although we did n't do it...
    He's not a lot of fun when comes to sex and not very "open" - after a year still not sure what he likes and what not... and I ptryed everythign, believe me...

    I'm tired of being refused or being told I want too much - for me would be great 2-3 times per week and some BJ or wank here and there... He lately started to get the laptop and wank together - for him is a sobstitute of sex.. not for me - also because wanking like he does is like being 15 years old - he's not big fan og BJs, (am top) or cum...

    I really don't what else to do or say to him.. don;t what this to be a huge issue with him (more than what it is already) but I can't just repress myself...

    What if I start cheating? Or maybe should organize a 3some? But I know if i do that the couple will crash! (he would like a 3some as he recently asked)
    he also doesn't want me to go with other people of course...

    Help - I've posted same issue months ago on here... still same stage...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    First, a skeptical question, that you don't have to answer publicly. What are the types of things that he talks about when he professes his love for you? My concern is that he might be "loving" you not for you, per se, but for the fact you willingly pay the electric and wi-fi bills. Make sure he's at least sharing on that end of the budget.

    I think if you both are as crazy about each other as you say, then you should be at a point right now where you can insist on sharing all of each other's p0rn, online and otherwise. But be clear, you're not going this route to be a prude. You just need to get a better feeling for what really turns him on (actions, scenes, fetishes), and vice versa, for the sake of enhancing your interpersonal sexcapades.

    He may also have trouble/discomfort expressing exactly when he wants to jump your bones. Have him come up with a simple but rarely-used password or catchphrase that makes this step easy. Since you seem to be the one that's always at the ready, when he does scream it out (ex. "Magpie!"... don't ask...) go right ahead and rip each other's clothes off on the spot.

    I don't think threesomes/foursomes/multisomes work well if one partner is dragging another into it, so I'd shy away from that action. And NO cheating! Just, no. But...

    Have you thought about suggesting a mutual search for a decent professional escort? Building from the p0rn suggestion, and assuming he understands how open your sexlife traditionally was, as well as how much he enjoys checking out others online, you and your partner can try out different things with each other and with him (as participant/observer) to see what "works" and what doesn't. The good escort will care less what it is or how long it takes, as long as he's gettin' paid, and it's not quite the same as "going with other people" once the payments stop, but you BOTH have to agree to who to bring in. Yeah, a legal sex therapist would be better, but I suspect if you could do that easily you would'nt be coming to us RJ'ers for advice.

    One more practical thought is to go out for more hikes, strolls and vacations. Treat them like trips to the movies, where once you arrive you are forced to deprogram yourselves by turning off ALL your electronic devices... at least the ones that deal with external communication! LOL Freeing yourselves of that other stuff will allow you lovebirds more time to be intimate with one another. Make up some routine concept ("Second Saturdays," "Third Thursdays") for these activities so he knows it's coming, even as he has the freedom to JO at-will at other times of the week/month.
  • Nizzo

    Posts: 130

    Feb 24, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    Find someone else, bro. I have a feeling he settled and isn't really into you. I've seen it happen to many friends.