Someone Tell Me to Snap Out of It (Alternative Title: He's Just Not That Into You)

  • hoved

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Hey everyone - I'm the guy who posted the 'should I tell my work crush I'm gay in a non-romantic way' thread a couple of days ago.
    So, today, my crush and two other people from work (both girls) went out for dinner and coffee. It was fun, fine and all, but I can't help feeling bummed. Here's why:
    He directed much more of his comments and questions toward the girls, and didn't seem that interested in finding out more about me. I honestly don't think it's b/c he was into the girls (trust me, I can tell when a guy is into a girl, at least) or anything like that, and he has known them for longer, but still, if he was interested in ME, he wouldn't have acted that way, right? The "He's Just Not That Into You" book talks about how if a guy is interested, he'll make that known somehow - and I definitely cannot delude myself into thinking he was particularly interested in getting to know me tonight.

    Another thing that makes me think he's "just not that into me": Recently, I had sent him a slightly embarrassing text message by mistake (nothing sexual or anything - more of the "my toilet is clogged" variety). We were laughing about it and he said something about how I avoided him for like two weeks. I only avoided him for like a day actually - it bummed me out to hear him get the dates wrong b/c it seemed to me like he just didn't care enough about my presence.

    Well, at least I ranted and got that out of my system. People of RJ, please tell me to snap out of it! I think I need some tough love here, and I really don't want to waste time and energy being all mopey about a dumb crush.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    It's perfectly fine to have a crush on a straight guy, as long as you realize that it is always and only going to be a fantasy. Most (not all) straight men when in mixed company are going to pay more attention to the women than the men. It's natural and it's socialized into them. I'd be willing to bet that if you were out with 3 other gay men, one of whom interested you, that he would get the bulk of you attention even if the other two were specifically talking to you.

    Hoping you can 'turn' him is a waste of your energy and you may have had a better time if you had engaged with the girls as well.

    Whether he was just being polite or actually interested in one of the women, is irrelevant. You should focus your mating instincts on guys who are available to you, otherwise you'll end up alone thinking about the 'the one that got away' when, in fact, you never had a chance with him.

    Meanwhile, there are men out there who may be very interested in you, but as long as your 'crushing' on a straight guy, they will slowly fade away until you snap out of it, and hopefully, that will be before you are labeled as someone who's not interested in anyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    Snap out of it.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    Here's a little levity icon_wink.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]meninlove said[/cite] Here's a little levity icon_wink.gif



    Heh you beat me to it

    Maybe he said two weeks because a day without you felt like a fortnight! At least he didn't say "Oh, you were avoiding me?"
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 23, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    Listen, now i see how women get themselves in situations like this. Dude, you knew he was straight yet you continue put yourself in situations where you are around him constantly. all the while you are hoping, wishing and maybe evening praying that he may change sides for you. dude, get over it. i can not believe you are upset that he went out and did not pay you any attention. ROFLOL Really? Why would he go out and with 4 people only pay attention you. The nerve of him. Wow, you really self absorb. Anyhow, you need to focus dating guys whom you know are gay or maybe even bi. Not the ones you know are straight.
    Anyhow, I wish you luck bro. ha ha ha he wasn't paying attention to me. ha ha ha that was too damn funny
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    Feb 23, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    funny-dog-pictures-snap-out-of-it.jpg
  • hoved

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidListen, now i see how women get themselves in situations like this. Dude, you knew he was straight yet you continue put yourself in situations where you are around him constantly. all the while you are hoping, wishing and maybe evening praying that he may change sides for you. dude, get over it. i can not believe you are upset that he went out and did not pay you any attention. ROFLOL Really? Why would he go out and with 4 people only pay attention you. The nerve of him. Wow, you really self absorb. Anyhow, you need to focus dating guys whom you know are gay or maybe even bi. Not the ones you know are straight.
    Anyhow, I wish you luck bro. ha ha ha he wasn't paying attention to me. ha ha ha that was too damn funny


    about being self-absorbed, guilty as charged icon_lol.gif
    but in my defense, I didn't "know he was straight and yet continue to put myself in situations etc" - I was genuinely (actually still am) confused whether he's gay or not. Nonetheless, even if he does turn out to be gay, doesn't mean he has to be interested in me, and I guess that's the message I'm getting from him!
  • hoved

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidfunny-dog-pictures-snap-out-of-it.jpg


    OUCH THAT STINGS
  • hoved

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    [quote]

    Maybe he said two weeks because a day without you felt like a fortnight! At least he didn't say "Oh, you were avoiding me?"[/quote]

    Hahaha, that's a nice way to think of it, I guess