Freakin' Out

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    Feb 23, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    So I haven't been completely honest with who I am to the people around me. Wasn't lying either considering I let people think what they want as long as it doesn't affect me personally. Well I was talking to a guy on the internet and things seemed ok, so I decide to unlock my pics so he could see who I am and to my surprise it happens to be someone I see EVERYDAY. Now I wouldn't be "Freakin' out" as much if the situation was normal, but considering that being gay bi or anything other then straight isn't accepted completely in the military, I just don't know what to do at this point.

    I know this topic is all over the place but I just had to make my own.

    Now I just wonder how things will be from here on out. I can actually see myself being paranoid thinking that other people will find out about it.

    I guess I just need to calm down icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 24, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    bitch-please.jpg

    Being gay or bi is much more accepted than you realize.
    You could even serve openly in the military.

    If you met him here, it means he's gay/bi as well.

    So calm down, take a deep breath and plan your coming-out. Do it on your own terms so you won't get outed by an internet-acquaintance.
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    Feb 24, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    I thank you for your input but you must understand that despite the fact that it's acceptable in the military by military law and what not does not mean the people you see will be just as accepting. Yea I may have met him on the site but that's kind of just it, just him.

    And I never had a problem with figuring out his sexuality, not even relevant at this point. In my eyes someones sexuality is not what makes them who they are, yes it's a part of it, just a small slice of the pie. Unfortunately people make a big deal of it.

    I think it's funny how you're pretty much saying the military is becoming more friendly, and not to worry about it. Well keep this in mind. This country is becoming more and more open and friendly with marriage, but you still have those outliers that are still managing to slow the inevitable.

    I know I'm getting a bit wordy but don't make the mistake of thinking I'm just some young kid who doesn't understand, Well step back into reality and look at the big picture. Just because something is becoming more accepted does not mean it's no longer an issue.
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    Feb 24, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Dude, the ONLY people who give a fuck are other closeted guys just like yourself.

    Stop being a dickwad and just come out already.
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    Feb 24, 2012 2:18 AM GMT
    I can understand the initial reaction to freak out, but ultimately, it shouldn't be much of a problem. He can't "out" you without outing himself.
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    Feb 24, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Make out with him?
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    Feb 24, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    I remember when I had this issues... no wait, never had this issues. I came out in middle school. Good luck, and the best way to get through this is relax, think and act calmly ; )
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    Feb 24, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDude, the ONLY people who give a fuck are other closeted guys just like yourself.

    Stop being a dickwad and just come out already.


    +1
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 24, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidMake out with him?


    +1
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    Feb 24, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    I can say this: it will be fine. It has already happened, and you can't change that. Who knows, you might make a very good friend out of the situation- someone you can talk to about being gay or closeted and the feelings you're obviously still coming to terms with. Make it a positive!
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    Feb 24, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    I hear what you all are saying, and I agree to a degree. Coming out could possibly be the best, but the fact that I can't be sure is what's holding me back. Also I'd be lying if I said I want people to know, I'm a bit more reserved then that and I feel what a person does in their personal life shouldn't be the topic of discussion in a work place environment. But unfortunately for me I live at my workplace. I'm in this place 24/7 with people ranging in age from 18 to 25 so to say they would be accepting is a stretch considering how immature I am as well as how the people my age can be.
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    Feb 24, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    I think if need be, you just talk to the guy about it calmly and don't make a scene out of it. And if anything and you really just want to not hide, tell the people that really matter and that's that.

    I understand totally what you mean by being reserved and that a person's personal life should be their business and no one else's but that really can't happen nowadays when the world is so easily connected, let alone people working closely together or living together.

    Just calm down, and talk to the guy is all hell you might end up dating.
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    Feb 24, 2012 11:54 AM GMT
    I assume you unlocked for each other on a gay site. IF, what you write is true about gays in military, I would very much suspect he is intending on keeping it quiet too. Although it may be awkward at first, think of the upside here. You have a confidant assuming you guys discuss it. That said, I would NOT do any romantic involvement with him as he is "workplace".
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    Feb 24, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    navyofone saidSo I haven't been completely honest with who I am to the people around me. Wasn't lying either considering I let people think what they want as long as it doesn't affect me personally. Well I was talking to a guy on the internet and things seemed ok, so I decide to unlock my pics so he could see who I am and to my surprise it happens to be someone I see EVERYDAY. Now I wouldn't be "Freakin' out" as much if the situation was normal, but considering that being gay bi or anything other then straight isn't accepted completely in the military, I just don't know what to do at this point.

    I know this topic is all over the place but I just had to make my own.

    Now I just wonder how things will be from here on out. I can actually see myself being paranoid thinking that other people will find out about it.

    I guess I just need to calm down icon_smile.gif


    Talk to that guy, not to us.

    Does he know that you are not out? Is he out? Are you friends in real life, or is it literally just someone you see a lot? Is he also in the military?

    You need to talk to him about this, I know how paranoid you might feel, but take my word for it that not everyone is out to get you. You're going to think that everyone is talking about you behind your back, that someone is going to blackmail you, or just stand up and shout it out during lunch time. That's not how people work, it's just part of the hell of being closeted while trying to be active in a gay community.

    Talk to the dude, if you want to stay closeted then tell him to be discreet about it, either that beat everyone to the punch and come out all the way. It would mean never having to feel this way ever again.
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    Feb 24, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    Considering that he's also on this site you could just ask him to respect that you're not ready to out yourself completely yet.
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    Feb 24, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    I can only say: Men who are out and fully comfortable with themselves can be impatient with those still in the closet. It was a long time ago and they don't want to put themselves back in that mindset in order to be able to help you.

    Don't take their impatience onboard.
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    Feb 25, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    navyofone saidI thank you for your input but you must understand that despite the fact that it's acceptable in the military by military law and what not does not mean the people you see will be just as accepting. Yea I may have met him on the site but that's kind of just it, just him.

    And I never had a problem with figuring out his sexuality, not even relevant at this point. In my eyes someones sexuality is not what makes them who they are, yes it's a part of it, just a small slice of the pie. Unfortunately people make a big deal of it.

    I think it's funny how you're pretty much saying the military is becoming more friendly, and not to worry about it. Well keep this in mind. This country is becoming more and more open and friendly with marriage, but you still have those outliers that are still managing to slow the inevitable.

    I know I'm getting a bit wordy but don't make the mistake of thinking I'm just some young kid who doesn't understand, Well step back into reality and look at the big picture. Just because something is becoming more accepted does not mean it's no longer an issue.
    There will always be idiots who have an 'issue' with gays and please don't live your life in fear of them.

    Sorry if I was a little abrupt in my earlier post. Everyone has the right to come out when he's ready. The biggest coming-out was you, admitting to yourself you are gay and the rest will come in time. No need to organize a coming out parade, but deciding not to lie to people anymore when they ask would already be a huge step. And for the overwhelming majority of younger people being gay is such a non-issue, that one day you will wonder what took you so long.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:41 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidI can understand the initial reaction to freak out, but ultimately, it shouldn't be much of a problem. He can't "out" you without outing himself.


    this.

    there are still going to be a lot of guys that have a problem with it but they wont say anything to your face they'll just distance themselves from you and clown you and others privately. Happens in lockerrooms all the time.

    i get why you're freaked out but you shouldn't be because he's on here as well...
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:47 AM GMT
    I used to have the fears of "what if people who I know saw my profile?" but lately I've gotten over myself. If you exchanged pics with this person they are gay/bi too and are up to the same shit you are. It's a risk you take. I have gotten to the point where even though I'm not completely out if somebody "found" me on here or elsewhere I wouldn't care...it is what it is...putting too much effort into hiding it is stressful.