Coming out stories?

  • thinkplus321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 24, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    I haven't come out yet, just waiting until I'm completely done with college. But I'd like to know how it went for you guys? Was it difficult, great, ok? And what pushed you to make the decision? And how is your life now? icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 24, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    I'm with you. Still haven't come out yet.
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    Feb 24, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    I came out when I was 50. I strongly recommend that you do NOT do that. Come out and learn early who really loves you regardless of your sexuality. If they can't handle who you are, regardless of their relationship, then you really don't need them in your life. Be who you are, enjoy who you are, embrace who you are because I can almost guarantee that if you don't, you'll look back and see that you missed the prime years of your gay life. Don't be one of use that starts our sentences with 'I wish'....
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    Feb 24, 2012 10:56 PM GMT
    Came out when I was 19 to my family. Just told them we needed to talk. Sat them down and told them straight up. They were pretty much speechless. Didn't talk to them for about a month. Its been over a year now and things are falling into place. Still don't talk about it much but they treat me the same and are happy that I have finally found peace. Friends were much easier. We all joke around and they have really been my support system. I advise all to tell your friends first. They will be there if your family doesn't take it as well as you hope.
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    Feb 24, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    I was in the closet throughout college. No dating, no experimenting, nothing except for academics. (Porn use of course was rampant, since it was my only outlet. icon_redface.gif) Studied abroad for a year for grad school---wanted desperately to experiment with guys, but still couldn't bring myself to starting. Came back to the USA and started working. When I was 25 I started frequenting a gay-oriented online forum (sort of like realjock). Checked out profiles of guys on match.com, desperately wanting to meet a guy but still not being honest with myself. Finally I got myself into therapy because I couldn't take things anymore, and it was the best decision I made. Within a few months of seeing my therapist, I met my boyfriend with whom I was with for three and a half years (we've broken up but have stayed friends) and came out to my parents. At that point I was almost 26. They were shocked but have come a long way since. My mom took it especially hard. But now things are much better. Looking back I wish that I had come out much earlier, but it just wasn't my time I guess.

    What ultimately pushed me to make the decision to come out? Wanting to be myself and not hide things anymore. Coming out is a life-long process because it depends on who you come out to. Coming out to friends, coming out to family, coming out to co-workers, etc. happens at different time for different people.

    My life is definitely better now. I was so longing for a connection with another guy and I'm glad that I was able to break that barrier. I hope to continue improving my life as each year goes by. It's all a process.
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    Feb 25, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    I first began to come out in college (late 70's.) My first boyfirend experience was wonderful and horrible in the sense that it started well but ended badly. I didn't really come out to anyone straight until the end of my senior year when the boyfriend (who was my roommate) made me feel worse than I ever thought I could imagine at the time. My father recognized my relentless depression and anguish and asked if I thought was gay. I said, without missing a beat, "Yeah, I know that, but that's not what the problem was." I don't think he heard a word I said for the next ten minutes. Then he just said quietly, "Don't ever tell your mother."
    A few month later I told my sister and she cried that she'd never have a nephew. I got of college, started working and frequenting Studio 54 back in the hay-days. I thought it was clear to my mother that every guy I brought home was gay, so I figured I'd tell her. She cried for two days. It was one of only 2 times in my life I ever saw my mother cry. We didn't talk about it for about a year. She then started asking questions based on wierd guests on 'Phil Donohue'. She say things like, "I have a question about the woman inside you?" I had to convince her slowly that being gay didn't mean wanting to be a woman or even be like a woman, but drag queens were the only gays you saw on TV (that were admittedly gay).

    Eventually I came out in the next few years to co-workers until I realized that I couldn't even work anywhere if I couldn't be comfortably 'out'. Fairly minor a lot of the time, I just refused to switch pronouns and things of that sort, as well as calling out anyone who'd say 'fag' in a clearly straight world derogatory way (as opposed to the queens in a gay bar). I went through a militant stage and a 'dress the way I damn well please' stage, but grew out of them. They were worthwhile growing experiences though.

    Now, I'm just me. I don't care what people think and if I'm in a situation where being gay isn't accepted, I leave. My happiness is more important than money or narrow minded friends.
  • shred_thegnar

    Posts: 157

    Feb 25, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    Came out to my folks not to long ago. I knew it did not matter regardless to them, they are both very open people. Reason for waiting so long was I had to figure things out for myself and become proud of who I am.

    Received an email from my mother the same day while at work saying how proud she was on how I handled coming out. Quote from my mom "You probably know this wasn't a surprise to me or dad - but it was important for you to tell us. rather than us ask or assume."

    I am blessed to have them in my life, even though they are my adopted parents.
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    Feb 25, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    I came out to my mom at 17. It was a rollercoaster with her.... She went from "I love you no matter what" to "you've been watching too much gay TV" to "Did someone sexually abuse you?"

    It all culminated in a fight were she asked me if I thought I could have a happy life as a gay man. I told her yes, she got frustrated and said "You know how gay men have sex right? Do you want to take it up the ass?" I was so frustrated I just yelled 'yes' and she just had this shocked look and the subject ended.

    From that day she accepted me and we are even closer than before I came out.

    As for my dad, he really doesn't bring it up. The only time I've seen him cry is when I came out to him. We are close though and we still hang out whenever either of us isn't working.
  • NYCAthlete

    Posts: 132

    Feb 25, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    I came out at 25. I was in a car with my parents. My Dad was driving. We were going 80 miles an hour down a highway in Colorado when Mom started pressing me to answer why I wasn't attending the Catholic church any longer. My answer? "As a gay man I don't feel comfortable in a Catholic Church.". Her response was typical of a Catholic. My Dad's response was awesome and our relationship is stronger.
    I told my brothers (2 of them) over drinks that night. My older brother responded, "that doesnt change anything. We still love you." My younger brother said, " well, you always did dress better than we did."
    Overall a great experience.
    They were the only people I "came out" to. Everyone else has found out in normal conversation. Ex: "My boyfriend and I ...". Or "Introducing my to your sister was nice of you, but I'm gay. Have a brother?"

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    Feb 25, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    Reading those stories really make me feel better about it, especially because most of you guys are masculine type of guys it really gives me another perspective but I dunno what to do really, it just seems so hard here because I know how they'll react I know how much my family hates gays.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Feb 26, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    I came out at 26. What pushed me to do it was my mum telling me phone the phone that she hoped to have grandchildren one day. I almost started crying when she said that icon_sad.gif I started writing a letter to my parents that afternoon, took me another month before mustering the courage to post it.
    My mum and sister was totally cool with it. My dad still loves me, but we haven't talked about it a lot.
    As for friends, they've for the most part been very supportive. There are a couple of...acquaintances who were like "LOL yeah man, no worries", but the best part about your life is you get to choose who is in it icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    I came out to my parents when I was 22. I sat them down and just told them flat out. My dad cried and my mother seemed frustrated, but they both said they'd love me no matter what. They were both raised to believe homosexuality is wrong, so the fact that they're doing everything they can to re-adjust their beliefs is pretty great.. It was one of the most awkward and difficult things I have ever done and I was one of the lucky ones.

    I still struggle on a rare occasions whenever I'm faced with opposition toward my sexuality, and I still have to remind people that my sexuality is apart of me, but it doesn't define me. Overall though, I'd say I'm much happier. I wouldn't ever go back.

    I guess it's just important to remember that life is too short to worry yourself with those who will or will not accept you for something as trivial as who you decide to have in your bed.

  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Feb 26, 2012 9:22 AM GMT
    LawBringerSR2 saidI came out to my parents when I was 22. I sat them down and just told them flat out. My dad cried and my mother seemed frustrated, but they both said they'd love me no matter what. They were both raised to believe homosexuality is wrong, so the fact that they're doing everything they can to re-adjust their beliefs is pretty great.. It was one of the most awkward and difficult things I have ever done and I was one of the lucky ones.

    I still struggle on a rare occasions whenever I'm faced with opposition toward my sexuality, and I still have to remind people that my sexuality is apart of me, but it doesn't define me. Overall though, I'd say I'm much happier. I wouldn't ever go back.

    I guess it's just important to remember that life is too short to worry yourself with those who will or will not accept you for something as trivial as who you decide to have in your bed.



    Your dad will defend your decision to be happy to your death. Your mother is probably another matter and it's probably not finished yet with her; but I don't know either of your parents so I'm probably just talking out of my ass. But your story was beautiful to me.
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Feb 26, 2012 10:03 AM GMT
    So they were all like "Yooo braaaah, wadup ?!"

    And I was like "Duuuude, I'm gay"

    And then we listened to some old school Tupac.
  • thinkplus321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 28, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    Thank you to everyone who posted. It's just great to know that I'm not alone and that there are guys who have been brave enough to overcome their fears and find joy. Joy in living a life were you don't have to lie anymore and simply be happy being yourself. I hope you all have an amazing up coming week. icon_smile.gif
  • GoldenBoy12

    Posts: 49

    Feb 28, 2012 7:58 AM GMT
    hhavent come out yet
    but a few years ago my sister checked my search history on my laptop and seen some of the stuff I googled
    she sadly quesitoned me the next day and I sat their in a blank stare and told her no
    my mom found magazines of shirtless guys on the covers in my drawer while I was at school

    I overheard my dad telling my mom that " that I dont want my son having sugar in his tank" in an argument in their room one time, but this was when I was 10 and had no clue or even thought about guys

    My little brother calls me gay whenever I piss him off



    SO do I even need to come out?


    I wouldnt even consider myself feminine, I play sports but I dont watch
    and Im just a quiet normal guy, im not a flammer and im careful with my words
    but whatevr I guess people just see through me
  • Moonraker

    Posts: 110

    Feb 28, 2012 8:39 AM GMT
    I just told my roommate and my friends at OU just a few days ago, my roommate actually on Valentine's Day. So far everyones been really supportive, they had no idea I was gay.

    I went to a private Christian college, but now I go to OU. It took me a while to realize that's its not a big deal at a state school. I was over thinking the whole thing and getting depressed. I sorta camp out cuz of a long series of events, everything seemed to line up.

    I was nervous and shaking, I was telling a guy from England whom I'd kissed at the party, now we were at What-a-burger. And had I not draw "kiss left" or sat to his right, during our drinking game I wouldn't have brought it up. It was like something out of How I Met Your Mother.

    I kept pushing it back mainly because I went to a conservative university. I still am working for the Church. I'm still Christian. I was going to tell my family in 2010, but then my mom told me she had breast cancer, so I'm waiting until she's 100% better. (She's done with chemo so, just waiting a little bit longer).

    2 weeks later, I'm only stressed from school, not paranoid someone will out me, my roommate who play rugby-he-man sorta guy, was really supportive and said he noticed i'm more joyful and confident, and I feel that way too. A huge weight off my shoulders. It still sorta feels like I dream. I always thought I'd never tell.

    Its weird cuz Oklahoma is known for being ill-tolerant of gays, Sally Kern is actually my OK State Representative! But everyone at OU has been awesome. Even my fraternity guys. My next step is immediate family.

    I moved to Norman, and dropped hints everywhere, but no one picked up on it, and none of my friends knew at all.

    Right now I feel sorta stupid for thinking everyone was going to freak out on me, and am so thankful for the friends I have at OU, so glad I realized how great they were before graduation in May. But I feel SOOO incredibly great! My only regret is not feeling like I could do it sooner. (After all I am in the Sooner State) Hope this helped!