Rough Sex & the Late Orgasms

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    Feb 24, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    So I have been spending time with this guy for a few months now who is socially SO fun and funny, he is super social and outgoing, cute AND hot in that buttoned up suit, senior accountant CPA way. He's kind, works out, has a fun car, is so malleable and easy going, is really sweet to me, loves to cuddle and giggle and loves making time for me... I could go on.

    However, when we start to engage in sex he becomes a totally different person. I've noticed that he has gotten progressively rougher and rougher, to the point where we almost exclusively have been having very intense rape role play.

    I'm no stranger to role play or rough sex and will from time to time even instigate it. I'm an endurance athlete and have developed a masochistic pleasure in pushing my limits and rarely will complain about something hurting or about being scared. I like it rough every once in a while but prefer it sweet and intimate.

    My last boyfriend regularly left teeth marks, bruises and accidentally cracked one of my ribs once, I'm not a whiner.

    I spent the night last night with the "new" guy and we had sex, not rough but not sweet, he couldn't cum so I essentially got pounded for an hour and a half before he collapsed on top of me and conceded that he wasn't coming.
    ***I *** WAS *** SORE***

    Fast forward to this morning, he initiates sex at 7:00 and this time he starts out by forcing himself in my already throbbing ass and over the course of that hour's pounding, was moderately aggressive but said some of the most horrifying things!

    What he did was well within the boundaries of what we had done in the past physically, but he said some incredibly crazy shit that actually did scare me. Which is so weird because you'd think that having bruises, bite marks and a cracked rib would be far more disturbing. But the things that were coming out of his mouth were actually a little frightening. And on top of it all, it lasted AN HOUR!! I was already exhausted and tore up from the night before and my limits were being pushed *maybe* further than I should have allowed.

    I tried every possible thing to make him come just to get that scene over with but had NO luck. I pinched his nipples, I kissed him, I played victim, I played with his balls, put a finger in his ass, tried fighting back, clenching down, pushing back, riding it, biting him, scratching him, clinging to him, asking him to stop, whining, moaning, came twice, let him feed me my cum, kiss me with it in his mouth, crying, begging... good god I had an hour of tricks before I literally collapsed and gave up whimpering and wincing praying for him to stop because I felt like I was going to split in two. He finally jacked himself off and came all over me.

    He apologized profusely when I told him it was more than I was comfortable with and that I was a little shaken and he has been reaching out to me all morning. *Butt* I am so fucking sore! My ass feels like hamburger! I feel light headed and like I need to curl up in a ball and sleep for two days just to recover!
    If the pattern holds true I physically can't ramp up ANY MORE. And quite honestly my ass and mouth can't take it.
    I like him a lot, but am feeling very conflicted. Even though he apologized I'm a bit afraid to have sex with him again. Does anyone else have any experience with overt verbal aggression and late comers?
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    Feb 24, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    you need to talk to him openly.... something is going on with him...
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    Feb 24, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    and how!!! I dont know how you hung in there that long!!
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    Feb 24, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    ya i don't know how you hung in there for so long.

    but why did you do everything possible to "get the scene over with" if you were already sore why didn't you just seriously tell him to stop?
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    Feb 24, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Boxer_Red saidya i don't know how you hung in there for so long.

    but why did you do everything possible to "get the scene over with" if you were already sore why didn't you just seriously tell him to stop?

    When I was a kid I was a total cry baby and I got mercilessly teased for it.
    As an adult I don't like to concede defeat or discomfort.
    I find that I'm more comfortable just powering through it.
    We have been texting today and are going to meet up tonight to talk about it... not sure where it's going but he does seem to feel genuinely bad.
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    Feb 24, 2012 8:33 PM GMT
    NJDewd saidand how!!! I dont know how you hung in there that long!!
    I think I was also in a slight state of shock because it had never happened to that extent before.
    I've dated super athletic guys that were 6'5" and taller with cocks that were 10-11". Physically I didn't think his 5'10" frame and 8" cock could possibly do anything to me that would take THAT much of a toll.

    Good lord... now I know.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    I'm curious to know what he said after you spoke to him. this thread really interests me.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    oh, chances are he has some hang up.... they all do!!! icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    im still curious to know though the way he described the guy is something like harvey dent or a dr. jekyll and mr. hyde.

    what did he say to you in bed that freaked you out?
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    *stuffs erection in pants to try to help*

    Wow, sounds like the boyfriend I always wanted but was never what would have been good for me. I hope you two can find a good compromise. I would start with sorting out in your mind the things that aren't cool with you. You can tell him what's good and what's not, telling him "the less I enjoy sex, the less enthusiastic I'll be to start, and before long it won't be happening very often anymore". I think it's better to be overly-open about something so intimate than not enough. G'luck!
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:28 AM GMT
    What things did he say that scared you so much? Do tell.
  • Nizzo

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    Feb 25, 2012 7:44 AM GMT
    Was he on coke? Be honest.
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    Feb 25, 2012 8:48 AM GMT
    That sound kinda suspicious. If your to the point where you feel fear and powerless around him, you might be suffering from some sexual trauma. Just be honest with your self about how YOU felt about it and go from there, maybe some counseling will help.

    Or you can bottle it up inside and some time down the road and you will erupt into an emotional mess.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 25, 2012 9:29 AM GMT
    First, that was the hotest fucking post I ever read!!!! icon_redface.gif

    That aside - I think you just need to talk to him. It sounds like he thought you were as into it as he was and he kept pushing the bar higher and higher not realizing what was happening with you. He sounds like he's genuinly sorry and didn't intend for it to go beyond your limits - he just didn't realize what your limits were. It's about communication. Maybe you should even pick a safe word for when it's gone too far. He sounds like an amazing man and you should give him another chance.

    Of course - I have no idea what he said but he must feel very comfortable with you to say them. Which is also saying something.
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    We haven't talked yet. Now that I am rested and pulled together I honestly don't know how I feel about it.

    The pattern of our role play started with him faux forcing himself on me and I did the obligatory, "No, no, please stop" scene, which I'm good with. It progressed to spanking with a paddle, slapping and in a few weeks he started pulling my hair which I was totally into. Yesterday he started choking me... which was not ok, he got the picture and quit doing it and I thought we were all good.

    So we were back to the hair pulling, mouth covering, hate fucking, I'm 'reading my lines' and he gets this crazy ass look on his face and covers my mouth and starts screaming at me to "shut the fuck up" that he's going to fuck me however he wants as long as he wants (ok, cool!) and if I don't shut up he's going to tie me up and fuck me all day with his fist till I bleed (ok, NOT cool).

    ...that's when I got a little freaked out.

    This was already 45 mins into round two and my ass was like hamburger meat but no blood. My eyes started tearing not because I was crying but because my mouth was covered and I was getting hate fucked.

    THEN he tells me to stop my fucking crying! (To which I wanted to stand up and say, "I'M NOT CRYING!") but I realized that he actually thought I was crying and more poignantly... he liked it. I was horribly confused and substantially freaked out thinking of the doosey of a mess I got myself mixed up with.

    I think the aggression he exhibits during sex is correlated to the difficulty he has coming. Good lord if it took me an hour to cum every time I'd be pretty hateful too... anyway. Haven't talked to him yet and not sure I want to. I'm afraid that I've only touched on the tip of the iceberg instead of bumping into a boundary that is the exception.

    Since we've never had tender sweet sex I'm not sure he can.
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    mlitsonata saidMaybe you should even pick a safe word for when it's gone too far. He sounds like an amazing man and you should give him another chance.

    Of course - I have no idea what he said but he must feel very comfortable with you to say them. Which is also saying something.
    We have two safe words, Liza Manelli. But I honestly was so confused I needed more information and wasn't sure what the fuck was going on.
    Afterward, he was very sweet and held me and was asking if I was ok and we were joking that I should have started spouting off the cast of Steel Magnolias.

    "SHIRLEY MCLAINE!! OLYMPIA DUKAKIS!!"

    I am conflicted because he is such a great guy in every other aspect, but I'm worried that this could be indicative of something problematic. Will keep you all posted on the conversation.
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    Feb 25, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    Hmmm....you have some stuff to go over there my friend! Damn, wish I could watch though!!
  • HollywoodHist...

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    Feb 25, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidWe haven't talked yet. Now that I am rested and pulled together I honestly don't know how I feel about it.

    The pattern of our role play started with him faux forcing himself on me and I did the obligatory, "No, no, please stop" scene, which I'm good with. It progressed to spanking with a paddle, slapping and in a few weeks he started pulling my hair which I was totally into. Yesterday he started choking me... which was not ok, he got the picture and quit doing it and I thought we were all good.

    So we were back to the hair pulling, mouth covering, hate fucking, I'm 'reading my lines' and he gets this crazy ass look on his face and covers my mouth and starts screaming at me to "shut the fuck up" that he's going to fuck me however he wants as long as he wants (ok, cool!) and if I don't shut up he's going to tie me up and fuck me all day with his fist till I bleed (ok, NOT cool).

    ...that's when I got a little freaked out.

    This was already 45 mins into round two and my ass was like hamburger meat but no blood. My eyes started tearing not because I was crying but because my mouth was covered and I was getting hate fucked.

    THEN he tells me to stop my fucking crying! (To which I wanted to stand up and say, "I'M NOT CRYING!") but I realized that he actually thought I was crying and more poignantly... he liked it. I was horribly confused and substantially freaked out thinking of the doosey of a mess I got myself mixed up with.

    I think the aggression he exhibits during sex is correlated to the difficulty he has coming. Good lord if it took me an hour to cum every time I'd be pretty hateful too... anyway. Haven't talked to him yet and not sure I want to. I'm afraid that I've only touched on the tip of the iceberg instead of bumping into a boundary that is the exception.

    Since we've never had tender sweet sex I'm not sure he can.


    Oh crap icon_eek.gif That sounds a LOT different than just rough sex and role playing. Disregard my earlier post, there is something wrong here. I like it rough sometimes, both as a top or a bottom, something I was introduced to by my last boyfriend (but we also made love - the tender sweet sex, the rough stuff was just occasionally). We did the hair pulling and the biting, even a little light chocking (it should not hurt or feel threatening, we only did it when the one being chocked instigated it - a slight lack of oxygen for just a couple of seconds heightens the senses) - but it's never supposed to be like what you are describing. It should never seem or feel real. It's just supposed to be about the energy, power and masculinity of it and, for the bottom, the addition of giving over control to someone else.

    But the crying... and he liked that?? And it seemed to just get him going more - that is not cool. There has to be some other issue going on. I don't know what to think about it now. Maybe tell him you don't want to have rough sex at all anymore, at least not for a while, and never to the same extent, and see what he says. But that may not be good enough actually, if it was me I think I might end it all together. He also may need to get some help if he was enjoying it that much when he knew that you weren't. That is no longer role playing rape - that is just rape. icon_sad.gif
  • HollywoodHist...

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    Feb 25, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    mlitsonata saidMaybe you should even pick a safe word for when it's gone too far. He sounds like an amazing man and you should give him another chance.

    Of course - I have no idea what he said but he must feel very comfortable with you to say them. Which is also saying something.
    We have two safe words, Liza Manelli. But I honestly was so confused I needed more information and wasn't sure what the fuck was going on.
    Afterward, he was very sweet and held me and was asking if I was ok and we were joking that I should have started spouting off the cast of Steel Magnolias.

    "SHIRLEY MCLAINE!! OLYMPIA DUKAKIS!!"

    I am conflicted because he is such a great guy in every other aspect, but I'm worried that this could be indicative of something problematic. Will keep you all posted on the conversation.


    Liza Minelli, haha, ok that made me chuckle. I'm so conflicted on this now.

    Let me ask you this. Could you have stopped it if you really wanted to or do you really feel you had lost control of the situation? And did he know that or not? If you cuddled and joked about it afterward and he was all sweet, could he really have thought it was all a part of the game? Maybe because you didn't call out the safe word - but then how could you if he was covering your mouth. But with the tears... I just don't know. Clearly you have to talk to him! Keep us posted.
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    Feb 25, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    mlitsonata said

    Let me ask you this. Could you have stopped it if you really wanted to or do you really feel you had lost control of the situation?
    I think I could have stopped it, that I didn't was more because I was so confused and baffled by the direction it went in. I felt kind of stupid too because there I was in that situation and I was a willing participant led down the primrose path to a butchered ass. It's like picking up a snake and then complaining when it bites you, "snakes bite".
    mlitsonata said
    And did he know that or not? If you cuddled and joked about it afterward and he was all sweet, could he really have thought it was all a part of the game? .
    Maybe he did think it was part of the scene... it is possible. But am I making excuses for him? I feel like a battered woman making excuses for her abusive husband!
    mlitsonata said
    Clearly you have to talk to him! Keep us posted.

    *Clearly*
    We are meeting for coffee tomorrow to talk. He initiated it and says he really wants to. This situation is so fucking weird, I honestly have NO idea what is going to happen. I'm just glad it doesn't involve his paddle, ball gag, dildo or leg and arm restraints again...

    Good lord... I had no idea I was so vanilla!
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    Feb 25, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    Nizzo saidWas he on coke? Be honest.
    No! There was no coke involved! Not even drinks!
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    Feb 26, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    I think you held up damn well - all things considered. And I wouldn't call you vanilla at all. You went the whole 9 yards for this guy - above and beyond what I could have done. I knew somebody who was too big for me once and I had to stop it before I split into two pieces. How you put up with this performance shows that you're the MAN. It sounds like something you don't want to suffer through again though. It is just TOO MUCH. When you talk, I hope you communicate to him that it is just not your thing. Interesting too - is why he takes so long to cum. He may need some time on a psychiatrist's couch to talk about some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth during the uh, 'festivities'. Sounds like he might be a great guy if he can get through the night without all the negative parts of his performance.
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:35 AM GMT
    Damn. As sexy as the sex sounds, I don't have a good feeling about it. Guys who are mean in sex will be nicer to their partner outside of sex as a sort of damage control, and to enable the aggressive one to keep doing what he's doing.

    The fact that he acted like he cared, acted like he felt bad and then did it again as soon as he was horny.. it's not a good sign. On one hand I was thinking to suggest that you say "One more chance. If you go over the line once, even a bit it's over". But then I would be afraid he would say "well since it's ending, I might as well go WAY over the line for this last fuck".

    So unfair that he tempts you with all that good hot stuff but ruins it! Grrrr I'm frustrated for you.

    The trouble cumming part mystifies me.icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    Im waiting to hear the after coffee..it should be over by now..
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    ^same