Road to hell paved with best intentions?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    Ok, so I've been on RJ for almost two months now and am curious to know if something similar happened to anyone else here?

    - You come across a profile that resonates with you for one reason or another.
    - You also get good vibes from some of his forum posts.
    - You decide to get in touch and send him a private message.
    - You exchange a few messages, nothing too serious, mostly random chit-chat.
    - You begin to feel that you may have a lot in common, dare I say you sense a potential for romantic feelings developing.
    - You make a silly flirt attempt, referring to something he has said in one of his messages that seems to be in contradiction with what he says in his profile. You definitely don't mean to be rude; you just try to be a harmless tease, a devil's advocate.
    - He doesn't get it and takes offence instead. It all goes downhill from there, even after you suggest to press the reset button and start anew. Overreacting, bitter sarcasm, insults, cherry picking on words out of context, etc.

    I consider myself level-headed and able to handle a conversation, but this has gone completely over the top. And I certainly don't view RJ as a dating site lol. My main reason for joining was to boost my workout motivation and to learn more about fitness and nutrition. But I just happened to come across this guy here. I still feel that we may have a lot in common and I'd be willing to give it another shot, but quite frankly I can't imagine any kind of communication with him after this. Bummer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    Yes.

    Could be worse: hot list, buddy list him then find out he's a closet Republican.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Toscar saidOk, so I've been on RJ for almost two months now and am curious to know if something similar happened to anyone else here?

    - You come across a profile that resonates with you for one reason or another.
    - You also get good vibes from some of his forum posts.
    - You decide to get in touch and send him a private message.
    - You exchange a few messages, nothing too serious, mostly random chit-chat.
    - You begin to feel that you may have a lot in common, dare I say you sense a potential for romantic feelings developing.
    - You make a silly flirt attempt, referring to something he has said in one of his messages that seems to be in contradiction with what he says in his profile. You definitely don't mean to be rude; you just try to be a harmless tease, a devil's advocate.
    - He doesn't get it and takes offence instead. It all goes downhill from there, even after you suggest to press the reset button and start anew. Overreacting, bitter sarcasm, insults, cherry picking on words out of context, etc.

    I consider myself level-headed and able to handle a conversation, but this has gone completely over the top. And I certainly don't view RJ as a dating site lol. My main reason for joining was to boost my workout motivation and to learn more about fitness and nutrition. But I just happened to come across this guy here. I still feel that we may have a lot in common and I'd be willing to give it another shot, but quite frankly I can't imagine any kind of communication with him after this. Bummer.


    Woah woah woah, back up buddy.

    Shit happens, people take the wrong message all the time. How about you share your feelings with him. Try a "You know, you used to be nice to me but now I find that I get a lot of (overreacting, bitter sarcasm, insults...), Im sorry if I hurt your feelings can we talk?"

    I get it, we are men and feelings are hard. Master them, you would be surprised how powerful they really are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    It's hard to make a judgement call without seeing the conversation myself. What you write can come across very differently from what you say in person. If you make a sly or sarcastic remark in person, a smile or a twinkle in your eye tells the other person that you're saying it lightheartedly. If you say the same thing in written form, it can come across as judgmental or nasty. I am sticking my e-foot in my e-mouth all the time. You just have to be more careful.

    On the flip side of that, some people are just flakes, no matter how nice they seem at first. Any little thing you say will be taken the wrong way, and they'll flip out. You can do anything about that. Just move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:14 AM GMT


    Do yourself a favor, and start getting used to it around here icon_razz.gif lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    dragondevil said
    Do yourself a favor, and start getting used to it around here icon_razz.gif lol

    Yeah I guess I'm still in the initial excitement phase after joining a new site lol. Hopefully it will fade out soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidI am sticking my e-foot in my e-mouth all the time.

    Great advice, thanks. I guess this is something I need to work on a bit more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    Sounds like a whack job if he took an attempt to flirt here the wrong way. But again we don't know the specific context.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    Chainers saidShit happens, people take the wrong message all the time. How about you share your feelings with him. Try a "You know, you used to be nice to me but now I find that I get a lot of (overreacting, bitter sarcasm, insults...), Im sorry if I hurt your feelings can we talk?"

    Thanks Chainers, but no. I already shared my feelings with him when I suggested that we press the reset button and give it another shot (i.e. forget the crap and/or misunderstandings in the past and start anew). He responded that I'm full of contradictions, insecure, and called me a creep for reading his forum posts before I got in touch. It actually makes me angry when I think about it now. Best to put this behind me and move on I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    Toscar said
    dragondevil said
    Do yourself a favor, and start getting used to it around here icon_razz.gif lol

    Yeah I guess I'm still in the initial excitement phase after joining a new site lol. Hopefully it will fade out soon.


    Get into a couple of flame wars, and you will be over the excitement.

    But yeah, there are a lot of assholes on here (and not in the good way). You take it in stride. Just as soon as get through dealing with a shithead, somebody completely different says something nice to you.

    btw, welcome to the site.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    dragondevil said

    Do yourself a favor, and start getting used to it around here icon_razz.gif lol


    haha! THIS!!!!

    Good call, dragondevil!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Either a guy who is bad news and has kept it under wraps until now, OR was looking for a reason to dump you and took that as his "out".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    Look this is all wonderful and whatever but the important thing is, did you send noodz?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    Claystation saidLook this is all wonderful and whatever but the important thing is, did you send noodz?

    Haha Clay you just nailed it. No, I didn't! That explains everything! icon_eek.gificon_idea.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 25, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    skype
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    It's happened to me a couple of times. People I thought were really nice. Stopped communicating with me completely and even blocked me and I'm not really even sure why.

    I've sent messages that stated "If I said something wrong or offended you, I am sorry..." to no avail.

    All you can do is make the effort to apologize and move on. If they can't accept that, then it becomes their problem and not yours and maybe that isn't someone you needed in your life in the first place.

    It also might just be that he isn't interested in you in that way and this was just separating himself from you.

    Edit:

    OMG. If you are a creep for reading forum posts of people you haven't contacted yet, then we all are. If you don't want your forum posts read, then don't post!!!

    There are lots of posts I read of people I don't contact... There are lots of things I've posted that get viewed, but I don't receive messages.

    That's the nature of a forum.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 2:21 PM GMT
    Only had a problem with one arrogant little motherfucker on this site otherwise everyone else seems really nice and level headed.

    This site has some very intelligent and witty members.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    No. Can't say that's ever happened to me. I have had people jump the gun though by making false assumptions and being hypocrites in the process which I always find funny.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    Toscar said
    dragondevil saidDo yourself a favor, and start getting used to it around here icon_razz.gif lol

    Yeah I guess I'm still in the initial excitement phase after joining a new site lol. Hopefully it will fade out soon.

    welcometorj-1.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    It really is very easy for humor to be misinterpreted when you are not face to face and able to see body language. Sarcasm especially can be very cutting, even with the best intentions. That is true even face to face. What you wrote could have also been a hot button issue to him. Suggest you give it some time and write short note saying something to the effect that you were only joking and hope it can be forgotten, especially because you had other interests in common. Then the ball is in his court.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 25, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    Never have had that happen honestly. Glad to have skipped the experience.

    icon_cool.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 25, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidIt really is very easy for humor to be misinterpreted when you are not face to face and able to see body language. Sarcasm especially can be very cutting, even with the best intentions. .


    Absolutely true, especially in the political arena. I think you have to be pretty solid when you have appreciation and respect for someone who had the opposite political views..... and you are able to trade jabs and commentary and never lose the appreciation you have in the other guy.

    We do have some of that respect here on RJ.....just not enough!
    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidThis site has some very intelligent and witty members.

    Very true! I've been on social sites since the late 1980s, before the Internet existed, when they were proprietary subscription dial-ups. But they functioned the same way as RJ, the online dynamics identical.

    And a great attraction of RealJock for me is the exceptional men who are members here. Exceptional not only in their wonderful physical shape, or their desire to attain that goal, but also in their amazing smarts.

    I learn so much from these guys! And while I like to flatter myself that I'm not too dull myself, some of these guys here run circles around me. Much more so than other services I've used. And on a jock site, no less! Go figure... icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    this site is for wasting time and goofing off, nothing serious comes out of it. Go out and meet real people in real life situations, that are local.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    On RJ:

    a. Many of us choose not to give the benefit of a doubt (such as in the threads around racial preferences, "straight acting" gays, and gay republicans). We often pretend that we don't know what words mean and choose to be offended because when we're angry, we feel more confident.
    b. It is rare that people here say "I'm wrong" or "I never thought of it that way."
    c. We generally don't give each other 3 strikes. Fortunately because of gay A.D.D., we often forget each other after 14 days so if you lay low and create a new profile, you can usually start over haha.