Thanks Dad

  • BuckeyeJock13

    Posts: 44

    Feb 25, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    One week ago while visiting my family my father approached the topic of my being gay. I have been out to my family for 12 years and while I tell everyone who comes out to hope for the best and expect the worst, the truth is usually you end up somewhere in the middle. That was where I have been. My family and I never stopped talking after I came out, but my parents also did not approve. In that 12 years we went through periods where my sexuality simply would not be discussed and periods where we would get in arguments over it including when my parents both voted for the Defense of Marriage Act in Ohio. "Nothing personal" I was told. "We saw this as a moral issue."

    I am providing some background on this as it provides a context for why I am still processing what my father and I discussed a week ago. He told me he's had a lot of time to think about having a gay son since I came out. He's decided it's no different then having a straight son. He wants me to be happy. He doesn't understand why so many people pass judgement on same sex couples. He mentioned he has been married for 41 years and loving someone, really loving someone, goes far beyond the physical particularly the longer you are with that person. No one should question that bond. He now believes being gay is genetic and even thinks there were other gay relatives who never came out. We even touched on religion and gay marriage, which he now supports. Our conversation lasted well into the night.

    As a reflect on everything we discussed, it occurs to me it may have taken a dozen years, but I am finally there with my father. All of the discussion, arguments, awkward silence, and letters led to this point. A point where my father truly accepts me for who I am. Thanks dad. I love you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Awwww. Congrats! Way to be, runnersjock's pop! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    You're lucky to have a family that accepts you for who you are and for who you love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    that is really nice, thanks for sharing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    Your dad is a wise man as mine is , and we are lucky to have them around .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    I think your Dad would win MOTD if he were here.

    -Doug
    Seeing as how he isn't, we'll do the next best thing and vote for you, so you can tell Dad about your topic and how you got a vote for him.

    -us two
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    My dad passed away before I had the opportunity to come out to him. If I ever had, I would like to think that he would've eventually come to the same conclusion that yours did. Congratulations to you and your family.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    congrats ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    How sweet is that, every man's dream is to have their parents accept them for who they are and now, yours have done that.

    The other greater thing about this is that your dad is likely to share, even if only in a very minute way, these feelings with others. One person at a time and we will all be accepted by society and YOU now have another line of people in society that will be influenced by your hard work.

    Congrats! It's a wonderful thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 25, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    It sounds like you had a lot to do with this positive outcome. Good for you!
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Feb 26, 2012 9:33 AM GMT
    Okay, what do I thank my dad for who I didn't have the best relationship with: 1) thanks dad for verbally putting me down regularly because if it wasn't for that and me rebelling against your words, I would have probably become nothing, 2) thanks dad for making me build and fix shit myself (like my bike when the chain broke and you said figure out how to fix it yourself, when I asked you for help, if you hadn't done that I probably couldn't build anything now by myself which I can do, and 3) thanks dad challenging me on everything I tried because if you hadn't I probably wouldn't have tried to do anything in my life. Yeah, now that I think about it, my dad in his fucked way did the most for me. Okay, thanks dad because I always had food to eat, a roof over my head, and a bed to sleep in as I grew up which I thought just magically appeared. I guess my jacked up dad did what a dad is supposed to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2012 9:35 AM GMT
    I hope my parents come around like yours someday
  • BuckeyeJock13

    Posts: 44

    Feb 26, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. For those who's family still struggles with having a gay son or sibling I hope this helps. It was nice to know my father was willing to research what my sexuality really means and change his views. While I did not mention my mother, her views are still somewhere in the middle. Maybe one day she will come around as well. I have 2 siblings. One which accepted I was gay from the beginning while the other took some time to come around. She now regrets her initial reaction. For those who are dealing with a similar situation, feel free to hit me up. I'm always willing to listen.
  • motivated

    Posts: 297

    Mar 29, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    This is such an awesome story! Congrats!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    this is awesome man icon_smile.gif im happy for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    This made me happy inside icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    Yay! Where someone finally realizes it's just what it is! icon_biggrin.gif

    Congrats! It's been a road for sure!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    runnersjock saidOne week ago while visiting my family my father approached the topic of my being gay. I have been out to my family for 12 years and while I tell everyone who comes out to hope for the best and expect the worst, the truth is usually you end up somewhere in the middle. That was where I have been. My family and I never stopped talking after I came out, but my parents also did not approve. In that 12 years we went through periods where my sexuality simply would not be discussed and periods where we would get in arguments over it including when my parents both voted for the Defense of Marriage Act in Ohio. "Nothing personal" I was told. "We saw this as a moral issue."

    I am providing some background on this as it provides a context for why I am still processing what my father and I discussed a week ago. He told me he's had a lot of time to think about having a gay son since I came out. He's decided it's no different then having a straight son. He wants me to be happy. He doesn't understand why so many people pass judgement on same sex couples. He mentioned he has been married for 41 years and loving someone, really loving someone, goes far beyond the physical particularly the longer you are with that person. No one should question that bond. He now believes being gay is genetic and even thinks there were other gay relatives who never came out. We even touched on religion and gay marriage, which he now supports. Our conversation lasted well into the night.

    As a reflect on everything we discussed, it occurs to me it may have taken a dozen years, but I am finally there with my father. All of the discussion, arguments, awkward silence, and letters led to this point. A point where my father truly accepts me for who I am. Thanks dad. I love you.

    I've been out over 20 years. My dad died about a year after I came out (not sad about it at all - long story). My mom is now 76 and still doesn't agree with my "lifestyle" (small town in bumfuck nowhere and won't listen to outside sources, no matter what the credentials).

    Hearing your story kinda makes me wish my mean asshole of a dad would have lived long enough to hash out our differences till he saw things my way (I'm just as bulheaded as he was - made him back down a few times, even before coming out/getting caught as a gay man). I probably could have changed his view on things.

    I applaud your patience to stick with it till the two of you could see eye to eye. *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 saidBeautiful story. This is why I spend a lot of times trying to convert closet cases.

    Other people can't accept you until you accept yourself. I'm glad you're creating change (however big)!



    Thats a pack of bullshit! Don't say shit of which you do not know. There are people who are gay and proud of who they are and their families and friends will not accept them.

    And I don't know what you mean by ''convert closet cases'' but it almost sounds like you are pushing people to ''come out''.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    Congratulations to the OP and Best wishes too. I hope your Mom will come around soon icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    that's an incredible story, and thanks for sharing.

    i think most of us hope our loved ones will come around and realize that our feelings, needs, and desires are just like everyone else's. thing is, there's no predicting and no timeline.

    i hope that you and your dad's relationship continues to grow and that some day he'll get to see you happy with that special someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    Congrats man. I had to risk it when I came out to my family and was fortunate that all went well for me. Glad that after all the emotion and interaction, you could finally start having acceptance. Nice to know people can change.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 said
    Jewlicious said
    mizzouguy10 saidBeautiful story. This is why I spend a lot of times trying to convert closet cases.

    Other people can't accept you until you accept yourself. I'm glad you're creating change (however big)!



    Thats a pack of bullshit! Don't say shit of which you do not know. There are people who are gay and proud of who they are and their families and friends will not accept them.

    And I don't know what you mean by ''convert closet cases'' but it almost sounds like you are pushing people to ''come out''.


    I definitely think you have reading comprehension problems... You had trouble reading another post of mine.

    "Other people can't accept you until you accept yourself." Just because you accept yourself doesn't mean other people will accept you. But if you don't even accept yourself, how are they supposed to even begin to?

    What I mean by "convert closet cases" is to make them examine their views and beliefs on their sexuality. The majority of the closeted guys I've met just haven't accepted themselves yet. I'm not pushing them to come out, that's a byproduct of what I'm trying to do.



    I speak four languages, I know my english and my comprehension may be a little off but you should learn to write properly. ''Convert closet cases'' can mean anything. Just so you know I don't think you are qualified to give anyone advice on coming out even it's a ''byproduct of what you are trying to do'' Leave it to professionals, you can really mess up people's lives like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    It's good to hear a positive story. Thank God my parents never had an issue.