i need some un-bias advice/thoughts

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    should i relocate for a boy??

    (story in a nutshell)
    we've been talking for over a year now.. we live 12hrs a part, we are in no way official, but we txt each other everyday as if we were.

    i'm getting ready to move in the spring back home, should i take the chance and relocate to where he is??

    success stories highly encouraged or just plain wisdom
    thanks guys.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    No! You are not official! Do not make a big decision about this boy until you are! If it is meant to be it will be man!
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    gaw its so complicated tho... if i could write about the situation. it would be a freakin novel..
    what you say is true, but on the other hand, i sense that he wants me to move there so that we can be official but he doesn't want to say it or even hint it at that. I JUST DONT KNOW!?!?!? ahh. :/
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:20 PM GMT
    NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

    …Guys suck.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    newkid901 saidgaw its so complicated tho... if i could write about the situation. it would be a freakin novel..
    what you say is true, but on the other hand, i sense that he wants me to move there so that we can be official but he doesn't want to say it or even hint it at that. I JUST DONT KNOW!?!?!? ahh. :/


    Dude I think you want to move so it will be official. You even say he doesn't hint about it. You are going to screw up man, it's not worth it.
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Feb 25, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    don't move.. unless he is bagging for u to move. just make sure that you reached to the point where u guys can over come any tension and u are really in love and for long time though.
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    Feb 25, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    newkid901 saidgaw its so complicated tho... if i could write about the situation. it would be a freakin novel..
    what you say is true, but on the other hand, i sense that he wants me to move there so that we can be official but he doesn't want to say it or even hint it at that. I JUST DONT KNOW!?!?!? ahh. :/


    Dude I think you want to move so it will be official. You even say he doesn't hint about it. You are going to screw up man, it's not worth it.


    Exactly. For a sec just think about WHAT will happen if it DOESN'T work.

    Are you ready to start a new life in a city you moved for the wrong reasons. Have no friends. You'll regret it…
    Make HIM come over for like a week or smthing and see how it goes.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 25, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    I'd be "official" before I ever considered moving..... and that means spending time with him in person and real. You didn't mention how much time you have actually spend with him in the flesh so to speak.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 25, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    have you even met the dude in real life? would you feel comfortable farting in front of him? do you know where he keep the band-aids? if you can't answer yes to these questions you have no business moving for someone.

    also... the word is unbiased
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    newkid901 saidshould i relocate for a boy??

    (story in a nutshell)
    we've been talking for over a year now.. we live 12hrs a part, we are in no way official, but we txt each other everyday as if we were.

    i'm getting ready to move in the spring back home, should i take the chance and relocate to where he is??

    success stories highly encouraged or just plain wisdom
    thanks guys.


    If it weren't for him, would you consider relocating to where he lives? Will you be moving in with him, or finding your own place?

    Generally I think it's a bad idea. But you're young and if you do it wisely and limit your expectations, it could be a fun adventure. I would definitely NOT move in with him! It sounds like you feel a connection, though, and want to explore it. Moving might be the only way to make that happen.
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    If you could see yourself enjoying/wanting to live where he's at then do it but if it's SOLELY because of your love for him then don't, very shaky ground.
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    Feb 25, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    go visit, if you can stand each other for a month then make a move. Seriously don't.
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    Feb 25, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    newkid901 saidgaw its so complicated tho... if i could write about the situation. it would be a freakin novel..
    what you say is true, but on the other hand, i sense that he wants me to move there so that we can be official but he doesn't want to say it or even hint it at that. I JUST DONT KNOW!?!?!? ahh. :/



    Well, the only way to answer your question is to know. The only way to know is to ask him where he feels this "relationship"..or more, interaction...is going. You moving there, without talking about it first, and only for him, is almost stalkerish. It might freak him out.
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    Feb 25, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    No. Not unless you're dying to move and you're moving to a better city.
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    Feb 25, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    My guy relocated for me....1200 miles and changed his lifestyle...and it was 9 years ago and still lusty love
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    Feb 25, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    not without it being official, no way - it's easy to be intimate with someone 12 hours away...might not be the same up close
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    Feb 25, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    OP,

    This one is hard to comment on because of the lack of information. You stated that you guys texted every day as if you were official, which makes it sound like you have not met in person over the past year. I would hope that you have seen this guy face-to-face before even thinking about a hint of a fragment of a consideration of moving in together.

    A poster above brought up another good point as well. If you aren't one hundred percent comfortable with each other (the good habits as well as the bad) or if you have no earthly idea of each other's habits, then honestly, moving in is not a good idea. Start with something simple like spending a weekend together at a hotel or at one of your respective residences. That will help with the comfort level, which will help determine if it is a good idea.

    Something I saw on another thread was the fact that you only state that you text each other. So, I have to presume that you guys don't talk that often, correct? And you guys are twelve hours apart. My point is that you are only seeing a limited aspect of said guy, so you may be making a snap decision or have a skewed view becuase of your own perspective of him, and not understand who he really is or what he acts like.

    My bottom line is: don't rush it. Make moves that will ensure you are personally successful, while maintaining a healthy relationship. When it is time to move in together, you will know it! Good luck!!
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Feb 25, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    No, no, with a side of no
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    Feb 26, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    I'm not really sure what you mean by official. I didn't know they made a registry for us icon_razz.gif

    Moving is a big decision, you have to think about what you are giving up and if you're going to be able to find a job and/or switch schools.

    I moved from VA to NYC with my ex-boyfriend. Note that as well, you very well could live together and then end up breaking up after you've established a life where you moved.

    I think if independent of being with him, you would move then its a better idea. If you are just moving for him and he's not even willing to acknowledge your relationship... well, be weary.
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI'd be "official" before I ever considered moving..... and that means spending time with him in person and real. You didn't mention how much time you have actually spend with him in the flesh so to speak.


    no trust me we have spent ALOT of time together face to face, he actually lived closer and just recently moved further.

    we spent EVERY WEEKEND together since we've started talking (before he moved) it was great we both had fun and grew to understand and know one another. i guess i'm just ready to take it to the next step and by me moving it'll show him that yes i'm in for it for the long run. it's just not a fling or a crush, i truly do love this guy and i'm not being cliche.

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    Feb 26, 2012 7:07 PM GMT
    calibro saidhave you even met the dude in real life? would you feel comfortable farting in front of him? do you know where he keep the band-aids? if you can't answer yes to these questions you have no business moving for someone.

    also... the word is unbiased


    YES to all these questions. i know where everything is in his house. to the last detail.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 26, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    Wait......you came to RJ.....for unbiased opinions/advice? Tehehe...


    fail-lol.jpg
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    newkid901 said
    calibro saidhave you even met the dude in real life? would you feel comfortable farting in front of him? do you know where he keep the band-aids? if you can't answer yes to these questions you have no business moving for someone.

    also... the word is unbiased


    YES to all these questions. i know where everything is in his house. to the last detail.


    Then why are you asking us you should ask him.
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    newkid901 saidshould i relocate for a boy??

    (story in a nutshell)
    we've been talking for over a year now.. we live 12hrs a part, we are in no way official, but we txt each other everyday as if we were.

    i'm getting ready to move in the spring back home, should i take the chance and relocate to where he is??

    success stories highly encouraged or just plain wisdom
    thanks guys.


    Make a list. In one column put pros; in the other put cons. Analyze it.

    At 23, it's easy to move, and you likely aren't super rooted to a particular area. At 23, though, relationships can be intermittent.

    No one can tell you the best choice for you. You have to work through that yourself.

    E.g. I likely would never move from Dallas to be up north. It would be hard to get work. It would mean moving away from top notch gyms, warm weather, and a six figure income. In your case, though, your career might not be tied to a high tech area.

    If the guy is a boy, no way you should move. If he's immature, it would be crazy to do so.

    Typically, distant relationships fail...more often than not. If you move, you lessen the chance of that failure. On the other hand, what sacrifices are involved in a move? If you work retail, and all you have is a couple of bags, no biggy..you're mobile. If you work as a professional, it's a whole 'nuther matter.
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    Feb 26, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    I would say no. You need to weigh a few things out first before taking such a giant leap.