What do you call your "parents-in-law"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    I'm asking because I love my father-in-law and I would really like to call him "Dad".

    I generally avoid calling them but "Ma'am" and "Sir" when speaking with them and I have been seeing them almost everyday for more than five years.

    My partner's mother barely tolerates me; she calls me "you" or my professional title and introduces me as "he lives with my son."

    His father likes me though. They live walking distance from us; he randomly pops in to see us even when he knows his son won't be home, talks to me when he doesn't need to, calls me by name, asks me for my opinions, give me advice, tells me things, etc.

    Their other son and daughters-in-law call them Mom and Dad. Should I just call him as such or should I get his permission? How? How would it seem if I call him Dad and continue to call the mother by name?
  • kiwi_nomad

    Posts: 316

    Feb 26, 2012 1:43 AM GMT
    that's a tricky one.. I would probably hold back on the 'mom' and 'dad' call purely because of the hostility of the mother in-law. I guess wait for the father in-law to call you son first? Does your partner call your parents 'mom' and 'dad'?
  • Puppy80

    Posts: 451

    Feb 26, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    Have you talked about this with your partner yet? He might have some good insight.

    I would think if you feel comfortable calling him Dad you should go for it, but maybe keep it to when you two are away from his mom.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Feb 26, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    In our family, it has usually been first names. This might be a solution where the mother is stressed by your relationship. Or you might well call her "Mrs. Jones" and call her husband, who is more friendly, by his first name. If she ever thaws, this gives her the chance to indicate it by saying "Please call me Mary."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Call him "Dad" and her whatever you call her now. She will get so jealous! ... icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    I agree that mom and dad might be premature given your mother-in-law's hostility. I also agree that you need to discuss this with your partner and then I would think that if your partner's dad is as open as he is, you might be able to broach the subject with him. If you're having a comfortable conversation, just ask him what he would prefer that you call him and then follow it up with what he thinks about what to call his wife. They may be fine with just their first names or they might be OK with mom and dad.

    I called my in-laws mom and dad when I conversed directly with them and when I referred to them in conversation with others that knew them, it was either Susan's mom/dad or their own first names.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    Just ask the dad what the hell you should call him after 5 years

    and buy the mom a broom icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    Used to call my former mother-in-law, "Mama". She was single, and I never met the dad, since they had long since been divorced. Though, "Papa" may have worked for the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2012 1:43 AM GMT
    Thank you very much for responding. I have thought about what you said and have decided not to change things.

    My father died about 15 years ago. It seems I have been looking for fathers every since. My partner calls my mother "Mom" and sometimes "Ms. FirstName" A few years ago, I asked him if he thought it strange that I addressed his parents so formally and if they minded. He did not.

    I look at it and think that the only reason they disparage me and my role in the family is because I let them. Then I look at it and see that things have been good. His mother doesn't answer my phone calls with "Oh, it's you," anymore; she just says "Hello" now. If I called his father "Dad" without permission, if not the father, the mother would certainly think me rude and we would fight and all of us would be unhappy for a few weeks. I should let a few more years be gone before having familiarity spring.