Do you find it difficult to be outgoing?

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 26, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    I'm married, since last autumn, but have been in a relationship for years. I'm fine having conversations with people and hanging out, but in large groups I just feel so awkward, especially since I don't really go out a lot and many people I do know are know each other well and go out a lot. I try to push myself and be out there, but I think people can tell I am trying too hard. It's frustrating.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 26, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    It's weird for me. I'm a musical theater actor/singer so I get up on stage and perform in front of 500-1400 people a night. But put me in a room with a handfull of people I don't know and I'm the shyest person you'll ever meet. At least until you get a couple of drinks in me icon_smile.gif Which I don't do often. If I can manage to get a conversation going with someone I will speak and open up pretty quickly. But I'll almost never initiate it, just too shy.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 26, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    drink more
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Feb 26, 2012 8:19 AM GMT
    Timbales saidI'm married, since last autumn, but have been in a relationship for years. I'm fine having conversations with people and hanging out, but in large groups I just feel so awkward, especially since I don't really go out a lot and many people I do know are know each other well and go out a lot. I try to push myself and be out there, but I think people can tell I am trying too hard. It's frustrating.


    Ditto. I think we have this affliction because we are very sincere and honest people and most people aren't. So, when we reach out and be sociable we don't understand the unspoken rules of lying and deception and other people veiw us as awkward or strange or people that can be taken advantage of. And they try to do that actually because people like us seem easy to prey on. We don't understand their reality and they can't understand how we live in a world of people being decent to each other. So there is no cure I think for our weakness in this world of people. We just have to try harder to learn to lie to people which most people in this world seem to do so easily to each other and then we have to hope that we we open up to people who are actually a good in their heart, lol. If you find another remedy for peopel like us please let me know. I'm really interested in learning how to do this.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:24 AM GMT
    I find it difficult at times too, especially if it is a large and noisy environment. I think it's a common problem.

    But the only solution is to suck it up and push yourself out there.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:48 AM GMT
    Nope
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:57 AM GMT
    Yes. It's very tiring for me to be outgoing. I'm usually only ever outgoing in a work situation where I have to be. In real life, when people first meet me they'll think I'm a normal outgoing guy but after a week or so I'll just suddenly stop talking to them lol (unless they're introverted people). It's because extroverted people are too draining for me to hold anything too long-term.

    I never used to understand why this would happen but now I understand that I have to learn to 'conserve' my energy. Sorry for all the anti-spiritualists out there who are uncomfortable with my analogy...
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:52 AM GMT
    Yeah, social situations like that scare me. I do much better in smaller groups. If it's noisy or lots of people competing to speak, I usually just shrink back and let them do it all. I'm not competitive, not needy for attention, unconfident in my voice, I mumble and really have to try to make my words loud enough for others to hear. It's a conscious effort. "When I say this, do it like you're singing, deep breath from the diaphragm, enunciate, mouth open, sit up straight, nice and loud". It's too hard for me to concentrate on all that + the conversation.

    I HATE having to call out to someone in public (like across the street). It makes everyone look at me and I don't want to feel self-conscious.
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    Oh my gosh, I'm not the only one! Yeah, I know this feeling all too well. I'm a pretty introverted person by my nature, and being in those large social situations does tend to drain energy from me. I prefer doing things with fewer people who I know very well. My roommate on the other hand is a social butterfly, the Queen Bee as he affectionately refers to himself as, and steals the spotlight at all his parties. It's a completely foreign feeling to me. I tend to just dance to my own beat. icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:31 AM GMT
    I am very much like this. In some situations, I am completely fine. In others, I like to fade into the background.

    I am getting better about that as I get older - and as I am starting to develop more confidence in myself.

    It is one of my biggest challenges.
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:48 AM GMT
    I'm glad to see this. I'm the guy who can sit quietly at a bar and not interact with anyone. Maybe we should all meet up at the pub and practice being social! icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    For me - I think it's because I found my place in the social pecking order as a kid - was somewhere in the depths below rock bottom. So, when I tried to socialize outside of my clique, I was quickly put in my place.

    So, it just sort of became ingrained behavior to shrink back and find my proper place. - Even though that's not really my world anymore - it's just a habit to go back to that familiar level.

    In my current life and position - I wouldn't say I'm at the top, but I am not at the bottom either, so I am having to learn to be more assertive.
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    Feb 26, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    Alcohol helps for sure but generally I don't have a problem.

    I like pushing people's buttons so that comes hand in hand with being outgoing.
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    Feb 26, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    I'm naturally very shy. I force myself to be more outgoing in work situations but as far as social situations, I tend to be a bit reserved.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    nah, not shy @ all...usually....
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:31 PM GMT
    No.
    Always have to reach for the ring AND get it.
    Otherwise life will pass you by.

    Tristan
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    for me its complicated (read through my profile to find out why). I can sometimes be a bit TOO outgoing, too forward with information, etc. I definitely feel awkward being alone in a large group of new people but if i have a few friends with me its okay. I won't stray much outside of the group though.
    Car meets are especially tricky with me. Most of the time I end up at import events which aren't as friendly to my car as they should be (irony = most "imports" are now made in factories here but my roadster was shipped on a boat from Hiroshima). Occasionally i'll bump into other roadster fanatics but usually i just tag along with friends until they leave and then i bugger off too.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidfor me its complicated (read through my profile to find out why). I can sometimes be a bit TOO outgoing, too forward with information, etc. I definitely feel awkward being alone in a large group of new people but if i have a few friends with me its okay. I won't stray much outside of the group though.
    Car meets are especially tricky with me. Most of the time I end up at import events which aren't as friendly to my car as they should be (irony = most "imports" are now made in factories here but my roadster was shipped on a boat from Hiroshima). Occasionally i'll bump into other roadster fanatics but usually i just tag along with friends until they leave and then i bugger off too.


    Yeah, I'm really shy in person. Friends make it much easier.
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    Feb 26, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    Related (from another topic):

    xrichx saidRelated:
    http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts

    10 Myths About Introverts

    Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
    This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

    Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
    Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

    Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
    Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

    Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
    On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

    Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
    Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

    Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
    Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

    Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
    Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

    Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
    Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

    Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
    Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

    Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
    A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said

    xrichx saidRelated:
    http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts

    10 Myths About Introverts



    ^^ This.
    To the OP, you're probably just an introvert. There's nothing wrong with finding large crowds exhausting, it's just not your cup of tea. I do have to ask, what are you looking to accomplish by become more outgoing? Networking? Do you want more friends?

    I ask this because I've seen many an introvert feel pressured to go out and be loud, outgoing, and social, only to fail miserably because that's simply not their kind of personality. Just know that there is nothing "wrong" with you, and that you don't have a "problem".
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidYou mean, "Ten Awkward Rationalizations On Why Being Pathetic Isn't Really Pathetic? Is it? IS IT?", don't you?


    Sorry. Can't talk. Too many people in this thread now. Must retreat back into introvert hole.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 26, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    araphael said
    Ditto. I think we have this affliction because we are very sincere and honest people and most people aren't..

    WTF?


    Haha, that's what I thought.

    No problems here. Having a good sense of humor, some healthy self confidence, and a love of extroverted activities (conversing, dancing, etc.) makes it fairly easy to have a good time anywhere I go.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    You mean, "Ten Awkward Rationalizations On Why Being Pathetic Isn't Really Pathetic? Is it? IS IT?", don't you?


    Translation:
    "TL;DR. [ insert nonsensical extravert tripe here ]"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    If you don't feel comfortable talking to random people at a large event, you don't have to. It shouldn't be forced.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    calibro saiddrink more


    funny, but true.