seanhex saidIf your Not out and your parents hassle you about marriage, how do you deal with it. How do you shut them up? what if they keep going at it for years. The frustration and anger that builds up, I have tried everything and they seem not to get it. Even coming out to them will make it worse, then they have something else to go on forever complaining.
How do you deal with it all?
At 40 haven't your parents begun to suspect that you're not "the marrying kind"?
I caved to that pressure in my late 20s. But unlike you I didn't yet think I was gay, I merely thought I had no interest in women. I know that sounds like a semantic game, but it left me open to pressure from my parents to "meet a nice girl".
And when I did, to please them, I pleased neither myself nor her, and we quickly divorced. I tried one more time, with equally poor results, not surprisingly. But the ultimate joke on me was when my sister told me that the family was surprised at my marriages, because they all knew I was gay.
"Then why didn't someone say something to me?" I asked her. "Mom could never make up her mind on you, whether it was a phase, or maybe marriage would cure you, or just be a big mistake. She didn't like talking about it, and so she just kept quiet and let things happen." "Yeah, after nagging me incessantly for years to get married. Some quiet!"
I think at 40 you're under no obligation. And unless you're at risk of losing some big inheritance or something, I'd just tell them you're gay and say the topic of straight marriage is closed. I wish I had done that myself.