Not out and your parents hassle you about marriage

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    If your Not out and your parents hassle you about marriage, how do you deal with it. How do you shut them up? what if they keep going at it for years. The frustration and anger that builds up, I have tried everything and they seem not to get it. Even coming out to them will make it worse, then they have something else to go on forever complaining.

    How do you deal with it all?
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    I came out. icon_surprised.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    seanhex saidIf your Not out and your parents hassle you about marriage, how do you deal with it. How do you shut them up? what if they keep going at it for years. The frustration and anger that builds up, I have tried everything and they seem not to get it. Even coming out to them will make it worse, then they have something else to go on forever complaining.

    How do you deal with it all?
    It isnt their issue.. its YOURS! YOU deal with YOU. problem solved.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    You tell them you're gay and deal with the consequences. If they can't respect you for who you are then you separate them from your life.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    Move very far away from them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    It depends on a lot of factors. If you have good reason not to be out to them, then it may just be something that you have to deal with. It varies by culture, but marriage is everything to some people. I don't think there is a good answer for you.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    xrichx saidMove very far away from them.


    lovely solution for people who bug u
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Feb 26, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    Come out. You live in one of the msot progay cities in the entire world. You'll be okay. You are also a grown man. I don't mean to sound like an ass, I just don't understand this dilemma.
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    Feb 26, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    moving far away, i done that for years, they got worse over the phone.
    coming out will give them more fuel, i know them so well, they are also religious and that is another thing plus old fashion way of thinking and prejudice. I don't need more drama from them, and i do not wish to entertain them and others by the fact that I am gay. It is non of their business, some things are meant to be personal and private.

    But I appreciate all the input, I been told not to respond back, because they try to get me into a discussion to get more information out of me, been told just to keep silent and not answer back.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 26, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    just tell them you lost your penis in a very unfortunate car door closing accident and women haven't wanted to be with you since. problem solved.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Feb 26, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    Say you love them and marriage simply isn't for you.
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    Feb 26, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    yes, i am not marriage material icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 26, 2012 10:52 PM GMT
    you're 40, how and why do you let them hassle you so much about a topic YOU don't like...


    i never allowed my mother dictate the kind of girls i brought home.
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    Feb 26, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    Marriage...they've expressed their opinions about gay marriage and I pretend to listen. If that doesn't work usually time they get used to it. The only question I get endlessly is "how am I getting grandkids." and "when are you getting grandkids." Thats at least 10 years away. lol
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    Tell them to stfu and die.

    When they snap back at you, say "just kidding, I'm gay."
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    Since you're 40 and single, they probably already have their suspicions about your sexual orientation. Perhaps they just keep nagging you about marriage because they want to hear you say it. The only way you'll shut them up is if you come out; they'll find any other other excuse you give them invalid.
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    Feb 26, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    Tell them you never want to get married, or do everyone a favor and just tell them it's not legal yet.

    EDIT: saw youre in canada so i guess it's legal.....so just tell them youre gay.
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    Feb 27, 2012 12:03 AM GMT
    I'm waiting for the right guy to come along...

  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Feb 27, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    I just told them it isn't legal in my state. They can do their own research on that, which they did, in time. From that point on, I was most definitely not asked that question again! Took my mom about 3 years past that announcement to finally come to grips with it and open up to a reasonable discussion.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 27, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    Introduce them to your partner after you get married...

    Just them you did as they always wanted....

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 27, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidIntroduce them to your partner after you get married...

    Just them you did as they always wanted....

    icon_biggrin.gif


    Brilliant icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    I just convinced them i'm too selfish to be married... But i'm sure the pressure will start after a while again...
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Feb 27, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    You deal with it by coming out.
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    Feb 27, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidYou tell them you're gay and deal with the consequences. If they can't respect you for who you are then you separate them from your life.


    THIS

    If a person is not going to accept you for who you are (family or friend) they are not worth having in your life... why would you want to answer to someone who doesn't respect you for who you are? A person who would rather see you unhappy and living a lie.

    Also, you mentioned it's none of their business and that some things are meant to be private. Do you really believe that? would you not rather those in your circle to know that you're seeing someone? to at least be able to get feedback from the people you consider close? meh... good luck
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    Feb 27, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    seanhex saidIf your Not out and your parents hassle you about marriage, how do you deal with it. How do you shut them up? what if they keep going at it for years. The frustration and anger that builds up, I have tried everything and they seem not to get it. Even coming out to them will make it worse, then they have something else to go on forever complaining.

    How do you deal with it all?

    At 40 haven't your parents begun to suspect that you're not "the marrying kind"?

    I caved to that pressure in my late 20s. But unlike you I didn't yet think I was gay, I merely thought I had no interest in women. I know that sounds like a semantic game, but it left me open to pressure from my parents to "meet a nice girl".

    And when I did, to please them, I pleased neither myself nor her, and we quickly divorced. I tried one more time, with equally poor results, not surprisingly. But the ultimate joke on me was when my sister told me that the family was surprised at my marriages, because they all knew I was gay.

    "Then why didn't someone say something to me?" I asked her. "Mom could never make up her mind on you, whether it was a phase, or maybe marriage would cure you, or just be a big mistake. She didn't like talking about it, and so she just kept quiet and let things happen." "Yeah, after nagging me incessantly for years to get married. Some quiet!"

    I think at 40 you're under no obligation. And unless you're at risk of losing some big inheritance or something, I'd just tell them you're gay and say the topic of straight marriage is closed. I wish I had done that myself.