Re-gifting, selling stuff you get as presents - is it really that bad?

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    Feb 27, 2012 6:54 AM GMT
    Through my e-business I met this guy who gifted me a box of assorted new underwear (uh...don't ask..). I was extremely thankful towards him and I really did appreciate the gift. I really didn't have any use for it, however, but they were cool unique pieces that I knew I could sell off well myself. I knew that if I put it up for sale he'd see the pieces and potentially be hurt, so I very frankly and very directly asked him if he'd be ok if I put some of the stuff he gave me for sale.

    The dude, FLIPPED.

    He was extremely angry and hurt that I wanted to sell his gift. I told him ok, that's why I wanted to ask you first, I won't sell it. But it wasn't enough, he went on angry tirade. I just mailed him back the stuff he sent me and blocked him.

    I'm not one to keep stuff, I hate clutter. Is it really that bad to want to re-purpose someone's gift? I really, really appreciate gifts, but I'm sorry, I need to have control MYSELF of the stuff around me.
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    Feb 27, 2012 6:58 AM GMT
    Note To Self:
    Gift cards for Ariodante, no actual gifts.

    icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 27, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Hahaha! Go figure.

    I personally don't get offended if anyone gives away or sells a gift I give. It's theirs to do what they want with it. I can understand that maybe I gave something that didn't interest them, or they wanted to get rid of clutter, or they needed to sell out of necessity.

    Although, when something like that happens, I tend to give cash or gift cards in the future to eliminate any risk of drama.
  • disasterpiece

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    Feb 27, 2012 7:00 AM GMT
    It's okay not to accept presents. But I think the dude would've rather seen you send them back to him with a "Thank you but no" rather than make profit out of it ? That's probably where he got angry?
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    Disasterpiece saidIt's okay not to accept presents. But I think the dude would've rather seen you send them back to him with a "Thank you but no" rather than make profit out of it ? That's probably where he got angry?


    I can understand his reaction to a degree, it just irks me when people keep tabs on the gifts they give. They're gifting as a way to keep a certain control over you or create a sense you owe them for the gift.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    xrichx saidNote To Self:
    Gift cards for Ariodante, no actual gifts.

    icon_lol.gif


    I love cards! They do so well on ebay icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    in the past i found that cash is just the best gift.

    the saying "it's the thought that counts" doesn't hold true - for instance I've found that gifts I've given to friends and ones I've received are hardly used, even though quite useful.

    my friend still has his zara gift card I gave him 2 years ago for his bday. Although Im flattered he kept the card itself, but I feel a bit stupid for not giving him something more practical. Cash is king though... if this was a true friend he'd forgive you... sounds like he had ulterior motives.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    Ariodante said I really, really appreciate gifts, but I'm sorry, I need to have control MYSELF of the stuff around me.


    This may be your problem. Just learn how to accept a gift graciously, even if it isn't something you want or something that serves any purpose. Re-gifting or selling a gift is an insult to the person who took the time and money to give it to you. At most, wait a while and donate it to someone in need.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    Besides, what are the odds of a gift from a random, online dude going to matter to a person? Sure, it's a nice gesture on his part, but perhaps you could say it's a bit too nice for a shallow acquaintance. Gifts tend to mean something only when they come your closest people.
  • disasterpiece

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    Feb 27, 2012 7:19 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Disasterpiece saidIt's okay not to accept presents. But I think the dude would've rather seen you send them back to him with a "Thank you but no" rather than make profit out of it ? That's probably where he got angry?


    I can understand his reaction to a degree, it just irks me when people keep tabs on the gifts they give. They're gifting as a way to keep a certain control over you or create a sense you owe them for the gift.


    Yes, I agree with you. A gift is a gift, in the end, if you would've sold it and paid yourself 30lbs of bacon with it, it would've been like the original gifter (yah, probably not a word, I know) would've originally offered you 30lbs of bacon and made you genuinely happy.

    Oh, and I remember this scene of I some TVshow about presents being responsibilities and not actual gifts. You give someone the responsibility to give you something back on his birthday and blablabla... Anyways, that's a failed reference to a TV show, I can't find it lol

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    Feb 27, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said At most, wait a while and donate it to someone in need.


    Does allotting a longer amount of time really make it better? I think returning it was the best option. The box just sat on the floor in my room for a week.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:23 AM GMT
    pocketnico saidBesides, what are the odds of a gift from a random, online dude going to matter to a person? Sure, it's a nice gesture on his part, but perhaps you could say it's a bit too nice for a shallow acquaintance. Gifts tend to mean something only when they come your closest people.


    In hindsight when he offered to send the gift (because he asked for my consent to send it) I should have declined. It's just hard to foresee how these things will unfold.

    Oh and I kept 4 pairs as a fee for having to pay for return shipping =D
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    I dunno. I thought only boyfriends gave each other underwear. He must really like you.. err, liked you. icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidThrough my e-business I met this guy who gifted me a box of assorted new underwear (uh...don't ask..). I was extremely thankful towards him and I really did appreciate the gift. I really didn't have any use for it, however, but they were cool unique pieces that I knew I could sell off well myself. I knew that if I put it up for sale he'd see the pieces and potentially be hurt, so I very frankly and very directly asked him if he'd be ok if I put some of the stuff he gave me for sale.

    The dude, FLIPPED.

    He was extremely angry and hurt that I wanted to sell his gift. I told him ok, that's why I wanted to ask you first, I won't sell it. But it wasn't enough, he went on angry tirade. I just mailed him back the stuff he sent me and blocked him.

    I'm not one to keep stuff, I hate clutter. Is it really that bad to want to re-purpose someone's gift? I really, really appreciate gifts, but I'm sorry, I need to have control MYSELF of the stuff around me.


    hahaha you should have just sold it all without asking him if it was okay haha it's not like he would have checked anyways lol
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    DudeInNOVA said At most, wait a while and donate it to someone in need.


    Does allotting a longer amount of time really make it better? I think returning it was the best option. The box just sat on the floor in my room for a week.


    The waiting is more for letting them forget that they gave it to you. They're going to be insulted no matter what you do, but if you let time pass, you can give it away without them knowing about it.

    I'm not sure about this particular situation, since it was more of a business relationship. You hurt his feelings, and he flipped out. It's not surprising.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:34 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI dunno. I thought only boyfriends gave each other underwear. He must really like you.. err, liked you. icon_neutral.gif


    He's one of those guys who buys obscene amounts of underwear as a hobby (he had bought some from my store which is how I met him). Initially I thought that's why he was sending me the stuff, so I could sell it too.
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    Feb 27, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    You should have made him buy them back icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 27, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    The best gift is not requiring a gift. I try to convince my family of that at xmas but they don't buy it.

    Personally, I'd rather someone get some use/money out of a gift rather than pretend to me that they like it. To have someone secretly think something and not tell me makes me feel disrespected and embarrassed when I find out.

    Regifting means I've given them a "get out of finding a gift for someone else" card.

    The only exception would be something sentimental like a stuffed animal. Might be hurt if that was tossed or regifted.
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    Feb 27, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThrough my e-business I met this guy who gifted me a box of assorted new underwear (uh...don't ask..). I was extremely thankful towards him and I really did appreciate the gift. I really didn't have any use for it, however, but they were cool unique pieces that I knew I could sell off well myself. I knew that if I put it up for sale he'd see the pieces and potentially be hurt, so I very frankly and very directly asked him if he'd be ok if I put some of the stuff he gave me for sale.

    The dude, FLIPPED.

    He was extremely angry and hurt that I wanted to sell his gift. I told him ok, that's why I wanted to ask you first, I won't sell it. But it wasn't enough, he went on angry tirade. I just mailed him back the stuff he sent me and blocked him.

    I'm not one to keep stuff, I hate clutter. Is it really that bad to want to re-purpose someone's gift? I really, really appreciate gifts, but I'm sorry, I need to have control MYSELF of the stuff around me.


    crass behavior from you. very bad form.
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    Feb 27, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    That's why I don't want any gift for my birthday icon_redface.gif

    Good thing that I don't celebrate christmas lol, and for chinese new year, I get cash icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • zackmorrisfan...

    Posts: 300

    Feb 27, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    xrichx saidI dunno. I thought only boyfriends gave each other underwear. He must really like you.. err, liked you. icon_neutral.gif


    He's one of those guys who buys obscene amounts of underwear as a hobby (he had bought some from my store which is how I met him). Initially I thought that's why he was sending me the stuff, so I could sell it too.


    You can gift me underwear any time you like! Ha. Umm no really, if a gift is not useful to you I'd either graciously refuse and give it back, or wait a little while and donate it to someone who can use it. If it is the latter, be ready when the awkward situation arises of having to explain why that gaudy Royal Doulton figurine (or whatever the gift was) isn't prominently displayed in your living room.
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    Feb 27, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Disasterpiece saidIt's okay not to accept presents. But I think the dude would've rather seen you send them back to him with a "Thank you but no" rather than make profit out of it ? That's probably where he got angry?


    I can understand his reaction to a degree, it just irks me when people keep tabs on the gifts they give. They're gifting as a way to keep a certain control over you or create a sense you owe them for the gift.


    I've honestly never felt that way about a gift. Maybe it was an inappropriate gift to begin with? Accepting the underwear may have sent him the wrong signals and his anger may have been less about you selling them and more about unexpected rejection.
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    Feb 27, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    The term "ebusiness" makes you sound amateurish and as if you are living in 2003.

    Just call it a business.
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    Feb 27, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    If your going to re-gift or sell a gift you really should keep it to yourself.

    Personally when I give a gift to a friend, family, or co-worker it comes from the heart. I used to get disappointed when they ask for the receipt to exchange so I started including it with the gift. That way if they chose to exchange or return I will never know about it. When someone re-gifts my present that does makes me mad.

    I just learned to stop spending time shopping for those people who cannot appreciate a gift and buy more for those who do.
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    Feb 27, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    Well, here are my thoughts:

    First, the guy should not have given you such a personal gift, especially since he evidently did not even know you well enough to realize what kind of underwear you liked (and didn't like).

    Second, it is too bad that you couldn't have given away - or resold these things without him watching / observing what you were selling.

    Third, no matter how he felt, he should have behaved graciously when you tried to politely explain that these were items you couldn't use, and were planning on selling or giving them to someone who could use them.