How do you get over your drug-addict ex-boyfriend?

  • Creativehue

    Posts: 3

    Feb 28, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    Hello all I'm new to this website. Basically I've been on and off again with the same guy for the past 6 years. I've had many good and bad times with this man. When I met him it was love at first sight. Then I found out that he did drugs. That should've been a huge red flag right then and there, but it wasn't. I keep hoping and praying that he'll change cause' I know he loves me and I love him. I just don't like his drug habit. So I broke it off with him, not because he was a cheater or a dick but because I feel emotionally second to his drug habit. I want to be with someone healthy and I want someone's full attention. I feel selfish and guilty for wanting better for myself.Should I feel this way? How do I let go and forget someone I've known for 6 years? I'm so torn I know what's good for me but my heart says stay and my mind says move on. Any suggestions anyone can tell me? Thank you.
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    Feb 28, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    He's a drug addict, move on honey.
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    Feb 28, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
    Depends on what drugs we are talking about.

    Marijuana is fine, drugs like crack, heroin or meth would be bad.

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    Feb 28, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    Key words..
    Drug addict..ex..

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    Feb 28, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    Have courage, man. I know it's hard, but do it. Move on, you deserve the relationship you want.
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    Feb 28, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    I have a friend who is a meth addict who in the last few months has been fucked bareback by two different men and taken a few loads from men in his mouth. He is very dangerous and reckless with himself and others. I finally broke off my friendship with him last wednesday and he is so angry with me that he has left me voicemessages where he is yelling stuff like "fucking faggot, queer" and various other names. You'd think we are boyfriends and I broke up with him. Oh and he says he's straight. My point is this: you will always come second to his addiction and who knows what he is doing behind your back to support his addiction. He is in no position to be in a relationship with you because he already is in a relationship with his drug of choice.
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    Feb 28, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    Just get rid of him - pronto. Nothing good is going to come from hanging out with those guys.

    I have one in our neighborhood. He is able bodied, but inherited his house, and doesn't give a damn what he's doing to the neighborhood by not watering, not mowing, no tree trimming, no cleaning his walks or putting away his garbage cans, no painting, no cleaning the windows or washing down the house. Broken drainpipes, weeds in his backyard as high as your waist. So guess what? We neighbors have had to either do the work ourselves, or send our gardeners over - constantly. We even have to water his place with long hoses from our property........he has no water! This drunken druggy would be living in a shithole if we let him. I'm so fed up with him - and all his promises to get with it. He does absolutely nothing - but get loaded. What a worthless piece of shit. What a joy to have him in the neighborhood.

    (I had to rant..........that's how furious I am with druggies.)
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Feb 28, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    I had a boyfriend for four years who went from being an every-now-and-then user of party drugs early in our relationship to pretty regular use of meth, at which point I simply couldn't be with him anymore. While he wasn't a total meth-head, he lived from weekend to weekend as if I were no longer there. And his friends were also users and they just enabled each other.

    It is true that to a serious drug user, even the person closest to him becomes second priority. He refused to stop or recognize that he had a problem--or at least that our relationship was important enough for him to change, so I had no choice but to let him go.

    It was very difficult, but if you stay, you'll lose yourself and your self-esteem.

    Only the user/abuser can decide when it's time to quit, and it's usually not until all else is lost and they look around and just see all the bridges they've burned. All the prodding and convincing that you bring to bear will do nothing.

    Good luck; I wish for you that it was not so as it was for me. It was hard letting that one go.
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    Feb 28, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    Adderall!
  • Creativehue

    Posts: 3

    Feb 28, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    Thank you all for your honest feed back... I don't feel as guilty and selfish, I've wasted enough of my time on people like him.
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    Feb 28, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    Get UNDERNEATH an even more Drug addicted boyfriend....will keep you distracted icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 28, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidJust get rid of him - pronto. Nothing good is going to come from hanging out with those guys.

    I have one in our neighborhood. He is able bodied, but inherited his house, and doesn't give a damn what he's doing to the neighborhood by not watering, not mowing, no tree trimming, no cleaning his walks or putting away his garbage cans, no painting, no cleaning the windows or washing down the house. Broken drainpipes, weeds in his backyard as high as your waist. So guess what? We neighbors have had to either do the work ourselves, or send our gardeners over - constantly. We even have to water his place with long hoses from our property........he has no water! This drunken druggy would be living in a shithole if we let him. I'm so fed up with him - and all his promises to get with it. He does absolutely nothing - but get loaded. What a worthless piece of shit. What a joy to have him in the neighborhood.

    (I had to rant..........that's how furious I am with druggies.)



    We have to do the work ourselves or pay people to do it..

    What!

    You don't have to do anything. It's his property. If he chooses to live in a squalor, let him.

    If it's somehow in violation of a city ordinance, call city hall. Your taxes pay for people to deal with that.


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    Feb 28, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    JUST GET OVER TI, DNT BE SUCH A GIRL
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Feb 28, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Getting over an ex? I`d recommend Xanax, or Valium. Maybe some Percocet.

    icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 28, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    dump his ass like they dumped the body panel dies (the molds/stamps) for the DeLorean...into the North Sea
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    Feb 28, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    tknbythesea said
    Jockbod48 saidJust get rid of him - pronto. Nothing good is going to come from hanging out with those guys.

    I have one in our neighborhood. He is able bodied, but inherited his house, and doesn't give a damn what he's doing to the neighborhood by not watering, not mowing, no tree trimming, no cleaning his walks or putting away his garbage cans, no painting, no cleaning the windows or washing down the house. Broken drainpipes, weeds in his backyard as high as your waist. So guess what? We neighbors have had to either do the work ourselves, or send our gardeners over - constantly. We even have to water his place with long hoses from our property........he has no water! This drunken druggy would be living in a shithole if we let him. I'm so fed up with him - and all his promises to get with it. He does absolutely nothing - but get loaded. What a worthless piece of shit. What a joy to have him in the neighborhood.

    (I had to rant..........that's how furious I am with druggies.)



    We have to do the work ourselves or pay people to do it..

    What!

    You don't have to do anything. It's his property. If he chooses to live in a squalor, let him.

    If it's somehow in violation of a city ordinance, call city hall. Your taxes pay for people to deal with that.




    Quit splitting hairs. Of course all the normal neighbors who care about their neighborhood don't have to clean up the property this drug addict inherited and refuses to maintain (for over 30 years, I'm told by older neighbors). We do it because we don't want to live with an eyesore among other beautiful homes. Will the city come around and do his yard work and all the other things mentioned? NO. Not until the weeds get a certain number of feet high. They do send the fire department to mow down the weeds that get over 3 feet high in his back yard. We aren't willing to wait until the front looks like Hell. We do this because we don't want to have an eyesore on our hands. This drug addict has had this service and he'll continue to get it from all of us until they find him dead inside that house someday. The inside of his house, btw is absolute squalor I'm told by those who've gone to the door. No water, no electricity, studs showing - an absolute horder's filthy slum. The city doesn't go in and move people like this out and into a home for drug addicts. (More government doesn't cut it.) We neighbors don't want to live around a slum so we find it easier to work on his place or send our gardeners and have it done. The thread is about drug addicts and my point is what worthless troublesome zeros they can be.
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    Feb 28, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    Ummm, you dump him and move on. IT is that simple
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    Feb 28, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    NC3athlete saidI had a boyfriend for four years who went from being an every-now-and-then user of party drugs early in our relationship to pretty regular use of meth, at which point I simply couldn't be with him anymore. While he wasn't a total meth-head, he lived from weekend to weekend as if I were no longer there. And his friends were also users and they just enabled each other.

    It is true that to a serious drug user, even the person closest to him becomes second priority. He refused to stop or recognize that he had a problem--or at least that our relationship was important enough for him to change, so I had no choice but to let him go.

    It was very difficult, but if you stay, you'll lose yourself and your self-esteem.

    Only the user/abuser can decide when it's time to quit, and it's usually not until all else is lost and they look around and just see all the bridges they've burned. All the prodding and convincing that you bring to bear will do nothing.

    Good luck; I wish for you that it was not so as it was for me. It was hard letting that one go.


    What this guy says. By staying with him you are also enabling him. There has to be consequences for bad behavior or the bad behavior stays.
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    Feb 28, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    I'm sorry, I'm sure its really hard to deal with that. You know first hand the reality that many people find very hard to accept. Drugs to take precedent in peoples lives over their family, friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. Its sad but true. You made the right decision, and the hardest is yet to come. You have to find the resolve to do this for yourself, and be happy.

    When he's ready to get help, you can be a good friend and send him to some detox services. You can't do it on your own and he can't do it on his own. He needs professional services to help him withdrawal and then stay off the drugs.
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    Feb 28, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    therapy
  • A_1991

    Posts: 366

    Feb 28, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    What kind of drugs? Like marijuana? Or hardcore shit like meth, heroin, and coke?

    If he is smoking pot, then I guess its fine as long as he is not addicted to it and does it all the time. I know some people can get addicted to it and can't do anything without being high, so if he is one of those, then cut your losses since nothing will change.

    If he is doing hardcore shit, then just leave and cut him out.

    If he is doing prescription drugs, then get him into rehab.

    Actually, get him into rehab and do one of those intervention shit with your friends. It might work!
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    Feb 28, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    How do you get over a drug addicted boyfriend? Simple: Find a man who loves you first and foremost above anything and anyone else and see how good life can be. That's how. Don't succumb to the messiah commplex thinking you can save him. Life is too short to waste on losers. Love DOES NOT conquer all.
  • uptownmnguy11

    Posts: 28

    Feb 28, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Take it from a recovering addict. The number one thing that means anything to him right now is his drug of choice. He will do...say..and manipulate anyway he can to protect his number one love in his world...the drug.

    You just happen to be a extra benefit.

    You want to fix things because you remember the good times and the love that he had for you maybe before the drug got ahold of him. You sound like you could be co-dependant. Co-dependant people can be as sick as the addict themselves, because they try to fix..repair..enable...anything to help to make it better..when sadly, the only one that gets short changed is you.

    Drug addiction is a family problem. It effects everyone and everything the addict comes in contact with. As long as the addict gets what they want.

    The main thing is to get YOURSELF well first. IF he desides to get help..then you need to step back and let him..and YOU need to get the help you need to move on or help with that option.

    He needs to accept responcibility for his own actions..and maybe loosing you would be one of those things.

    So be it. You need to be happy and you deserve that.

    Kind of goes like that old saying: If you love something, set it free...if it comes back, its yours. If it dont...it never was.

    Best of luck
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Feb 28, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Creativehue saidThank you all for your honest feed back... I don't feel as guilty and selfish, I've wasted enough of my time on people like him.


    Good for you, you are so much better than that. Look forward to your future icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 28, 2012 5:59 AM GMT
    You should not feel selfish & guilty.


    It was not a good match.


    Only you can know when its time to move on.


    Time heals all wounds.