WHY do Gay Guys always pick on each Other?

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    Feb 29, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Or, maybe in my case, the more specific question would be;
    Does the way you look based on your Race affect the way youre treated by other gay men?

    So, i was at a pool party last saturday with my friend Steve, and everybody was having a great time. But the moment i stepped in, the room was heavy with some tension. A few of the guests and including the host(who happens to be Mexican) and his roommate(who is half Irish half Mexican) were cracking racist jokes to their friends. Soon half of the crowd were spewing racist jokes, which i suspect were the reason for half of the crowd leaving(the guests who left were straight).
    Then they started on me, because i was the only Asian/Pacific islander there, though i guess they didnt know that my friend Steve is half Asian. Now i can roll with the jokes, whatever, ive heard all the Filipino jokes before. And maybe i shouldve said something, but honestly it wasnt that offensive. And just for the record, i dont joke about somebody's ethnicity, politics and physicality.
    This went on pretty much the whole night.
    I asked the host as he was cracking another Asian joke why hes not picking on Steve. The host told me 'Because he doesnt LOOK Asian.'
    That comment surprised me; Because i Look my race, i get picked on more? This, coming from a Mexican guy, who looks very Mexican.

    The next day was Oscar night, so my other friend invited me and Steve to his house for a small gettogether with him and our buddy Rob.
    So we're there, talking, i ordered pizza for everybody, great...Then Rob starts the racist joking banter on me. I forgot what started it, but at some point Rob asked me, "Do you guys use toilet paper now, or you still use banana leaves?"
    I was not amused. That was not funny. So i said, "You know, i just fed your six hundred pound ass(he's obese), the least you can do is shut the fuck up."
    Rob looked at me kinda shocked and quickly answered, "Thank you for the pizza Rudy..."
    Again, he didnt pick on Steve, who is half Filipino half Irish. That also i was annoyed at, because he didnt even stood up for me.
    Really, is it really because of my look based on my race that im easy target for other gay guys to pick on?
    My straight friends dont do that. Well, not when im around.
    Why do we pick on each other? We should be mature enough to not repeat what we all went through when we were children and the other kids bullied us because we were different.

    Discuss.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 29, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    gay straight purple, WERE GUYS. its fun
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    Feb 29, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    Carry a gun.

    No one will pick on you then.
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    Feb 29, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    I've never noticed this with gay guys in particular. Or at least I've never encountered this sort of problem with past boyfriends or gay friends.

    A lot of people find me interesting because I look ethnically ambiguously. Because of my small, almond-shaped eyes, many people are quick to conclude that I have at least partial Asian ancestry. From what I know, I don't. When I tell people my actual ancestry they're rather surprised because I don't look English enough to pass for English, Spanish enough to pass for Spanish, or Mexican enough to pass for Mexican, LOL! I guess I just can't convince people, eh?

    Whatever. It doesn't matter. I admit that it used to bother me for a long time when people thought I was Asian. Fortunately I grew out of it and stopped caring. At this point I simply think of myself as American since I've lived here most of my life. What difference does it make how I look based on my ancestry?

    Anywho, I've gotten more smack from my mom's family (the Mexican side) for having a Spaniard accent when I speak Spanish. My grandmother has frequently poked fun at me over the years that a boy of Mexican decent shouldn't talk like a Spaniard. A lot of times when I talk to her, I speak to her in English or use a lot of Castilian and Andalusian words to annoy her, LOL!

    It's funny, because while Americans think any British accent sounds posh, the opposite is true in Spanish. Latin Americans think the way Spaniards speak is absolutely atrocious.
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    Feb 29, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    I asked the host as he was cracking another Asian joke why hes not picking on Steve. The host told me 'Because he doesnt LOOK Asian.' That comment surprised me; Because i Look my race, i get picked on more? This, coming from a Mexican guy, who looks very Mexican.


    Maybe it's because he's Mexican. There's a lot less political correctness in Mexico (at least a whole lot less than in the US where if you say anything that could be misconstrued as racist it can have severe consequences in a lot of ways). It's a culture of severe ripping (on anything and everything, including race).
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    Feb 29, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    Definitely not a province of persons of a certain sexual orientation. Our hetero brothers and sisters have the same affliction.
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    Feb 29, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Bmwkid92 saidgay straight purple, WERE GUYS. its fun


    Racism is fun lol
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    RYkid said
    Bmwkid92 saidgay straight purple, WERE GUYS. its fun


    Racism is fun lol


    Children getting bullied because theyre not white, Muslims getting blown up in their synagogues, Black kids getting shot, Ethnic cleansing, the Holocaust.... So, you guys call that fun? Hmmmm.....
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    GigoloAssassin said
    I asked the host as he was cracking another Asian joke why hes not picking on Steve. The host told me 'Because he doesnt LOOK Asian.' That comment surprised me; Because i Look my race, i get picked on more? This, coming from a Mexican guy, who looks very Mexican.


    Maybe it's because he's Mexican. There's a lot less political correctness in Mexico (at least a whole lot less than in the US where if you say anything that could be misconstrued as racist it can have severe consequences in a lot of ways). It's a culture of severe ripping (on anything and everything, including race).


    Hmmm, interesting Ario.
    But, his jokes werent as offensive as what the other guy Rob said. Maybe its the joke itself and how it was delivered.
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Agreed with dayumm that this doesn't sound like a matter of sexual orientation but I'd add of immature people trying to orient themselves into their own skin.

    There's a so-called comedian who makes money with this shit. I've tried watching her a few times but rarely if ever find her to be funny. She's like a Don Rickles, only with tits.

    Couldn't think of her name so I just googled "vulgar female comedian" and her name came up as the first option.

    Here's a sample of what she's selling...


    Personally, my friends don't treat people like that. Some of them did when they were younger but they've grown out of it. I did have a gay friend who used to make horrible comments about my being Jewish. He thought he was being funny and kept at it. We are no longer friends.
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    theantijock saidPersonally, my friends don't treat people like that. Some of them did when they were younger but they've grown out of it.
    I did have a gay friend who used to make horrible comments about my being Jewish. He thought he was being funny and kept at it. We are no longer friends.


    How did you put up with that? Did you confront him about it?
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    "So we're there, talking, I ordered pizza for everybody, great...Then Rob starts the racist joking banter on me. I forgot what started it, but at some point Rob asked me, "Do you guys use toilet paper now, or you still use banana leaves?"

    I was not amused. That was not funny.
    So I said,
    "You know, I just fed your six hundred pound ass (he's obese), the least you can do is shut the fuck up."
    Rob looked at me kinda shocked and quickly answered,
    "Thank you for the pizza Rudy..."

    I think you very concisely made your point.
    Not knowing these guys I can't say whether I thought you too harsh....or too soft! icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 29, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    1.. when were you bullied LOL?

    2.. have some balls and courage and make a jopke back lol
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    I have a friend who believes your friends are found in the cheering section of the bleachers, in the arena of your life. I think this, too.

    warmly,

    -Doug
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Feb 29, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    Because its fun.
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    Feb 29, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    Its pretty obvious why no one said anything when you were getting ragged on for your race and other people as well.

    Its because the guy wasn't white. Think about it, whenever anyone throws around a racial slur or stereotype and they are some other race except white. People don't take AS MUCH offense to it as when a white guy/person says it.

    I'm not saying its not as offensive but when other races make ethnic jokes about other races it doesn't seem to have as much of a slap in the face as when a white person says it.

    I'm pretty sure what I am saying is not always the case but still I think in some cases it rings true.
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    HAHHHAHAHAHAHA obese people making fun of anybody should expect fat jokes.
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    This is why Im gonna start hanging around with my straight friends again. They don't pick on anybody.
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    Anduru saidHAHHHAHAHAHAHA obese people making fun of anybody should expect fat jokes.


    I KNOW RIGHT!!!
    Obese people making fun of anybody DESERVE Fat jokes.
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    I agree with most people: you need new friends

    I get a lot of shit on this forum since I've joined though for being geeky. Maybe gay guys just like being assholes to eachother? I'm not sure...
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:36 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidI agree with most people: you need new friends

    I get a lot of shit on this forum since I've joined though for being geeky. Maybe gay guys just like being assholes to eachother? I'm not sure...


    Who picked on you?! I'll cut them!!!
    Nerdy guys are HOOOOOOOT!!!!!
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    theantijock saidPersonally, my friends don't treat people like that. Some of them did when they were younger but they've grown out of it.
    I did have a gay friend who used to make horrible comments about my being Jewish. He thought he was being funny and kept at it. We are no longer friends.


    How did you put up with that? Did you confront him about it?


    Usually I handled his barbs with my own pointed humor, with a burning stare or a quick trip to guilt. Though I was no longer in my 20s so smart enough to figure out that I couldn't save the world from itself, I was still in my 30s & pretty sure I could save this guy from himself.

    He and I were friends for 10 years. A highly intelligent fellow who could be the most charming, funny man, he also had a mean streak which I'd noticed right away but stupidly thought I could fix as his friend.

    But over the years he became less funny and more mean. Not so much to me, but to others. To me he was mostly charming. One of the last episodes of our acquaintance was him speeding up his car in a restaurant parking lot to scare an elderly man into walking quicker. Of course I said something subtle, like, "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" But then it happened again and that was the last time I spoke to him. He crossed the line from being verbally insulting to physically abusive.

    His being charming no longer made up for his being mean. So be a little careful with people like that. You don't want to wall yourself off but also you have to protect yourself. For they might seem loving only to be abusive. They may seem quiet and yet they rage. Though people can change for the better, they can also change for the worse. Generally, if you see someone treating others like crap, even if they treat you well now, that could indicate what's in store for you somewhere down the line as one way or the other they become more of who they are.
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidThis is why Im gonna start hanging around with my straight friends again. They don't pick on anybody.


    Why did you stop hanging around with (some of?) them? Was it something you perceived they 'always' do... or was it just a few bad apples trying to spoil the bunch?
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidThis is why Im gonna start hanging around with my straight friends again. They don't pick on anybody.


    sup brah, wanna be budz
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    Feb 29, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    dayumm said
    GigoloAssassin saidThis is why Im gonna start hanging around with my straight friends again. They don't pick on anybody.


    Why did you stop hanging around with (some of?) them? Was it something you perceived they 'always' do... or was it just a few bad apples trying to spoil the bunch?


    A lot of them have families now, so they don't have much time to do things with as much as they used to, so.... icon_neutral.gif