Dishonesty in gay relationships more frequent than in straight relationships?

  • kongroars

    Posts: 9

    Feb 29, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    I'm rather sick and tired of dishonesty.

    Here's my story if anyone cares to read it. It's so friggin ridiculous that if you were to make a movie about it... it'd definitely be a comedy, not drama.

    ------

    I was going out with this guy for about 6, 7 months. It wasn't perfect but it was far from bad. I loved him.

    On new years eve, he slept with his roomate and a guy his roomate found on Grindr...

    What they didn't know is the random guy they had picked on Grindr was my friend.... and he told me everything 2 days after. Basically they passed themselves off as a couple and had sex with him.

    When I confronted my boyfriend, his first reaction was to tell me I had severe trust issues and made me feel like I was crazy. We broke up. I tried to get the truth out of his roomate and he lied to my face so skillfully... to this day I don't know how someone can be so good at it... it's like.. wow.

    The next day my boyfriend told me the truth. Yes he had cheated on me. Regretted it ect... I didn't want to hear it. We didn't speak to each other for over a month. I joined real jock in an attempt to distract my brain I guess. Even though I wasn't over him.

    A month after he comes to me in tears, wearing a suit and tie, basically begging on all fours to take him back. He's apparently cleaned up his act. Moved out of his apartement. Now lives with a straight couple. No danger. Got his shit together. We talked. I saw a new maturity in him I had never seen before and it gave me hope.... I gave him another shot. We had a great time staring into each other's eyes and whispering sweet nothings.

    After about 3 weeks of dating him again I realized I hadn't forgiven him... I still had doubt. I couldn't trust him. There was something still bugging me about his roomate and him... I felt something was ... odd. Finally once night he came back from work completly drunk when we were supposed to have a romantic evening and I finally said... alright. I love you but your life is still a huge mess. Sort it out. So I put the relationship on hold....

    The next day I'm at this friend's party, having a good time... my friend who's hosting is telling me that less people came than what he expected. Two more couples were supposed to come that night. One I knew from his first party... the other couple..... my ex-boyfriend and his roomate!!

    I went into shock... apparently they've always been dating.
    I talked to my ex. He almost convinced me it was a huge misunderstanding but I feel so stupid even considering that he might be telling the truth.

    Long story short.... which brings me back to my topic... is...
    How do you do this? I had never encountered such terrible liars in my entire life. It's so twisted and unhealthy. I don't get it.

    Ive talked to friends about it and they're all like: Yeah.. this kind of shit happens alot in the gay community... is it true ?!

    Are we so terrible?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 29, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Dishonesty in gay relationships more frequent than in straight relationships?

    NOPE.
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    Feb 29, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your recent experiences. Unfortunately I agree with Tropicalmark - dishonesty is rife in both straight and gay relationships. I think communications technology has made it easier for people to have more frequent private communications ie mobile phones, Internet which provides an accessible means for dishonesty. Im Not saying that before this people were never dishonest, but I think it is easier in some respects with modern technology.

    Sounds like you got a bad apple in that guy unfortunately - plenty of good apples out there that would respect and appreciate you as you deserve.
  • kongroars

    Posts: 9

    Feb 29, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Thank you that's very nice of you.

    Good point about technology... I miss the good ol days!....
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    Feb 29, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidDishonesty in gay relationships more frequent than in straight relationships?

    NOPE.

    Agreed. They are equal.
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    Feb 29, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    We gay guys are pretty terrible. I mean there are times when I am putting out and everything and some trashy slut just spreads their legs and BOOM cock blocked icon_mad.gif

    Just part of life....icon_neutral.gif
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 01, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    Why would anybody cheat on you? Seriously. It's like shoving aside the filet mignon and the creme brulee for Salsbury steak and ambrosia salad - only an idiot would do such a thing.
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    Mar 01, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    You aren't at all mad that your friend slept with your boyfriend? lol
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Mar 01, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    7Famark saidYou aren't at all mad that your friend slept with your boyfriend? lol
    I know. He didn't have to have sex with them to know the score. So what's up with that?
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    Mar 01, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    Op, sounds like your ex is a huge douche... you're better off without him.
    I think us guys are more likely to cheat in general, and when you have two dudes together the chances increase, but then again that's just my opinion. Regardless, what he did to you was fucked up beyond all reasons.
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    Mar 01, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    Just watch Jerry Springer or Judge Judy and you will see just how much straight couples cheat on each other.

    I do think that guys are more likely to cheat than women are, therefore gay male couples statistically have a higher probability of cheating. Essentially, if you're bf doesn't cheat on you, you will cheat on him. Sorry man.
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    Mar 01, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    Bahston617 saidOp, sounds like your ex is a huge douche... you're better off without him.
    I think us guys are more likely to cheat in general, and when you have two dudes together the chances increase, but then again that's just my opinion. Regardless, what he did to you was fucked up beyond all reasons.


    Agree with this. I'd also add, it's just a hell of a lot easier for gay guys to hook up for meaningless sex, like Grindr. This sort of simple sexual hookup does not exist in the straight world, it is much more elaborate to get laid, and gay guys can do it with a wink. You mix male sexuality, plus ease of possibility and you get a lot of guys with sketchy morals and you have cheating galore.

    Your ex sounds like a lot of guys I know. There are a lot of great men who are good and will be honest, but you were not dating one of them.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 01, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Hey if you're looking, I'm single :-) But str8 people fuck around too much also. One of my patients told me a story about her Thanksgiving Sunday dinner, where they were invited over. They were watching the football game while the hosts were in the kitchen. The hosts got into an argument and the husband pulled the turkey out of the oven and threw it out the kitchen window. Fucking around isn't a feature of being gay.
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    Mar 01, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    madfacts said
    Bahston617 saidOp, sounds like your ex is a huge douche... you're better off without him.
    I think us guys are more likely to cheat in general, and when you have two dudes together the chances increase, but then again that's just my opinion. Regardless, what he did to you was fucked up beyond all reasons.


    Agree with this. I'd also add, it's just a hell of a lot easier for gay guys to hook up for meaningless sex, like Grindr. This sort of simple sexual hookup does not exist in the straight world, it is much more elaborate to get laid, and gay guys can do it with a wink. You mix male sexuality, plus ease of possibility and you get a lot of guys with sketchy morals and you have cheating galore.

    Your ex sounds like a lot of guys I know. There are a lot of great men who are good and will be honest, but you were not dating one of them.


    There are still a lot more straight bars and clubs then gay ones, so I guess straight people don't need Grindr?
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    Mar 01, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Bahston617 said
    madfacts said
    Bahston617 saidOp, sounds like your ex is a huge >

    There are still a lot more straight bars and clubs then gay ones, so I guess straight people don't need Grindr?


    It seems that you're forgetting that there are a lot more straight people than gay people, so of course there will be more straight clubs.
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    Mar 01, 2012 2:13 AM GMT
    Lol, thanks for backing up my point that it's easier for straight people to hook up without using online apps.
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    Mar 01, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    People are people (gay or straight); most are good, but some are not. Don't give up hope. There are descent guys out there.
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    Mar 01, 2012 2:25 AM GMT
    kongroars saidI'm rather sick and tired of dishonesty.



    ------

    I was going out with this guy for about 6, 7 months. It wasn't perfect but it was far from bad. I loved him.

    On new years eve, he slept with his roomate and a guy his roomate found on Grindr...

    What they didn't know is the random guy they had picked on Grindr was my friend.... and he told me everything 2 days after. Basically they passed themselves off as a couple and had sex with him.




    Have I read this correctly?

    You so-called friend went off with your boyfriend and his slutty mate?

    Christ! Some friends...
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 01, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    wow buddy, i am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. however, i have known guys to have done the same exact thing and they were straight. listen, it happens in both gay and straight relationships. i think a lot of men are not capable of a monogamous relationship. this goes both for both straight and gay men. i mean you would think with the shortage of quality men that they would be happy with one person. oh well what can you do?
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    Mar 01, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    I doubt it, there is rampant dishonesty in both, people are still people, it really depends on those involved, its hard to generalize
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Mar 01, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    lol, that should be a movie
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:48 AM GMT
    Given the number of "Str8" married guys I've slept with...hell no. But I also don't believe monogamy is natural and that it is synonymous with love as the church (and by extension, society) passes it off to be. Who I REALLY care about is not bound up solely with who gets my rocks off.
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    TropicalMark saidDishonesty in gay relationships more frequent than in straight relationships?

    NOPE.

    Agreed. They are equal.


    Then you have bisexuality, and the dishonesty can go on for decades, and that something diffrent altogether.icon_twisted.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 01, 2012 7:55 AM GMT
    gay men definitely cheat more-if you don't think so your not tooicon_idea.gif
    In male female relationships there is far less opportunity because more woman believe in monogamy more than gay men-simple fact.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Mar 01, 2012 7:58 AM GMT
    So sorry to hear this, seriously sucks. In my case I've had three long term relationships with men (6 months, 3 years and 5 years) and one with a woman (3 years). The only one who ever cheated on me was the woman. None of the guys did, we had great relationships that just didn't work out for various reasons but I'm still good friends with each of them.

    Generally I think there is no difference between men and women on this. You just have to be careful who you choose (which is a hell of a lot easier said than done). I was friends with each of my boyfriends before I got serious with them. That wasn't really the case with the girl. Maybe this is the difference? I don't know.