Bi, flexible, open...? Let's hear about it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    Just wanted to start a discussion and hear some of the perspectives of those of us who are less than straight, but not really gay either. Are you pretty open and "out" or are you more prone to just pass? Do you hang with mostly straight or gay friends or is it a good mix? Dated more guys or girls? Do you identify as bi, gay or straight if at all? Feel free to post any comments, experiences, and perspectives that you like.

    Me: Open to my family and close friends. Non-issue for me for the most part: wouldn't deny it if it came up, but also won't go out of my way either. I'd say 95% of my friends are straight and have really only developed stronger friendships with a few gay guys. The last two people I dated were a girl and a guy, but essentially all girls prior to that because I wasn't out until 2 years ago. Try not to use identity labels. Don't find them very useful. Overall, my experiences have been very positive and my friends and family have been supportive. No real negatives except my own personal wranglings. Part of me thinks it might be easier if things were more black and white, but in the end it doesn't seem to make a difference.
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    Jul 05, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    I understand the usefulness of a label free lifestyle. I like guys alot more but i still like a woman's body, but i wouldnt have sex with a woman. They just dont really turn me on below the waist. I'm out with friends and family and one thing they say abut me alot is that i dont act gay. i guess i'm not fem and sex crazed and even when i am horny i talk about it like a straight guy would talk about doing a girl. most of my friends are straight as far as i know.
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    Jul 05, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    I'm bi; have been in a relationship with a great girl for right over 3 years. She's fully aware and fully supportive of it. (i mean fully) The only thing holding me back is that I'm no tready to do anything yet because of my self image. I've got huge rejection fears and even though I'm in a relationship with somebody who loves me, it still hurts to get rejected.
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    Jul 05, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    Personally I don't get the whole bi thing. I guess because I know I'm gay and I know I prefer relationships with men I've never really understood how a guy can be equally attracted to and prone to dating both. I guess from a purely sexual standpoint, conceptually I could understand enjoy sex with both but when it comes to having a long term relationship, seems like it should be one or the other. Again, I'm not judging...how can I if I have no knowledge or experience of my own. If it works for you, then that's all that matter.

    ALL of my friends are gay men. I have never had a gal pal, or a lesbian friend or a token straight buddy or anything. Don't know why, I have nothing against it I guess I just feel it's easier to be myself, which includes being gay, around other gay men.
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    Jul 05, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    Shortnsexystud saidALL of my friends are gay men. I have never had a gal pal, or a lesbian friend or a token straight buddy or anything. Don't know why, I have nothing against it I guess I just feel it's easier to be myself, which includes being gay, around other gay men.


    That's too bad, I think.
    Of my two best male friends, one is gay and the other straight. Of my female friends, most are straight, but I have one lesbian pal who is like a sister to me.

    Of the next tier of friends, the all-but-closest, there are many straight couples, some straight singles, and some gay men.

    Also, one of my two children is straight, the other one is gay.

    Not one of them makes me feel uncomfortable for being gay around them---if they did, they are not people i'd choose to hang around with.
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    Jul 05, 2008 10:14 PM GMT
    For a good 25 years of my life I was sure I was 100% straight. And if I ever had any feelings about some guy that suggested otherwise I always attempted to qualify it as me "admiring his dedication to his body." I tried my hardest to smother and padlock in my mental basement any feelings that would cause me to question my sexuality.

    I have always had a girlfriend or was at least sleeping around with some girl (yeah...sounds bad) and a good 98% of my friends are straight (or at least they have gf's and are as good at hiding true feelings/attractions as I am). I did have two gay roommates in college (at different times), both of whom were out and about and fit the "typical gay stereotype." While I was cool with them, I never hung out with them and sometimes felt uncomfortable when they would get a little too touchy and feely (like try and give me a hug). But for the most part things were cool between us.

    I do now consider myself bisexual, as I am in my very first relationship with another guy (however, this relationship would not exist if he were not the agressor). To say the least, I'm actually pretty happy, despite all the other drama that is surrounding our relationship. He, like me, has dated mostly women in the past

    I am not out to most people, and I am confident coming out is going to take a really long time, especially after considering the drama my bf and I are experiencing as a consequence of his family "finding out" about us.

    This is definitely a hard process that it seems I ponder over several times a day. Being that I am really close with my family and friends, I am worried that I am going to lose those relationships. I don't want to believe that their love for me just might be conditional. Maybe that is why my brother is not out to the family (he has no idea I know he is gay).

    I guess part of the reason why I am on this site (as of late) is b/c I want to seek advice from those who have gone through this process.

    All I know is that it does suck that none of this is black and white to me.

    Ah well...off to study!!!






  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Jul 05, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    Yeah I can understand. When I first came out, I came out as bi. A lot of people, while supportive, did not quite understand. Many brought up the hypothetical situation of finding many girls who are understanding of the fact that I also like dick.

    Anyway, I finally went with gay. I mean, it's almost as if you're bombarded with the idea that it's one or the other. Greedy is something that I had been called.

    But, I've always had an attraction to girls. In fact, there's a girl right now that I'm confused over because of this whole situation. I know she's interested in me, but am I REALLY interested in her? Am I lying to myself when I say I might be bi? As if I were trying to deny my true gayness?

    I don't know. And it's damn confusing. I don't like labels. Why can't I just date the people to whom I am attracted?

    It's very confusing.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 05, 2008 10:49 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 saidWhy can't I just date the people to whom I am attracted?


    I agree.