just curious..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    i've been feeling really lonely lately- and i kinda resent myself for it because its been my experience that that leads to hasty relationships and neediness- its a reoccurring personal weakness i recognize in myself and am continually trying to suppress. i'd rather just be unconditionally happy with myself, single or otherwise. some days (like today), when there's no one with any potential in my life and its grey outside, it just feels irrationally like i'll always be alone- every good thing i've found for myself has thus far ended up being a misjudgment and a failure- though at this point as in the past, i'd be happy to just find something with potential- what hope do i have of that trend finally ending one day? how long must i wait? i hope not past my prime. i know kids my age who have been together for years in happy relationships. i also know of men who don't find 'the one' till their late 40s or later. and then there's everything in-between, including the many who die alone. i guess i'm just apprehensive of that huge unknown, and patience has never been among my virtues- in fact, i'd say its my worst flaw.

    sorry if this sounds like a cry for attention or for coddling btw- i know how unattractive that is.

    my curiosities are for what experiences others have had, for better or worse. everyone tells me i'm 'so young,' but i don't feel like it- i've always been mature for my age in many ways, came out in early high school, and can't generally even date guys my own age because of it. i feel like a clock is ticking; i see sooo many attractive older gay men who are still inexplicably single... and it really worries me. what can i hope to expect? what can i do? some say that the one for me will pop magically into my life when i've finally given up on looking- is that a truth? does that mean that looking and wanting will hinder me? if so, how do i stop myself? really, any and all sagely advice or experience-earned-wisdom would be appreciated. though, being told to not take it all so seriously just doesn't work well for me, so i'll say ahead of time that that's not practical advice in my case- some ppl value different things in life over others and my romantic nature has always valued the need to love and be loved- some can get by patiently without it, but i get fidgety.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    I share that same sentiment as you do at the moment, and have for quite some time.icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 5:54 PM GMT
    czarodziej --

    It's so clich├ęd that it just sounds dumb, but there really is merit to the tired old advice that things tend to happen, relationship-wise, when you're not looking or expecting it. If you're too focused on 'seeking' a relationship simply for the sake of being in a relationship, you're dooming it from the start. If you're in a generally happy, healthy emotional space in your life already, and the addition of a loving relationship is merely a happy addition and coincidence, you have a much higher chance of succeeding in it.

    If I were you, I'd ask myself a couple questions to help get your feelings on the matter settled. First off, what's got you feeling lonely? Companionship can be fulfilling in many ways, and maybe it's not a romantic one you really need. Secondly, why do you feel you need a relationship? What's missing in your life, and what/how would a relationship fill that void? And finally, what do you define as the 'prime' of your life, and why is that significant?

    For myself, I know I have a lot more to offer a guy now than I did even a few years ago. I'm in better shape, I'm financially more settled, but most importantly, I've got my life prioritized. I've banished many of the personal hang-ups that created a fuck-up in many a previous relationship, I know what's healthy for me and what's not, and I'm comfortably happy with myself and my life - with or without a romantic relationship.

    Anyway, that's the babblings of a slightly older guy who refuses to think I've missed any prime. Hope there's something useful or comforting in there for ya!

    z
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    Even Yoda was single, no? icon_wink.gif

    Disclaimer: Advice from a 22-year old who's not exactly 100% sane follows...

    I worry time to time, loneliness is after all, the worst pain we can inflict on ourselves. But then I just remind myself, to just live. icon_razz.gif There's so much more to life than finding the perfect man for you. Be happy with what small miracles fate throws at you and learn to forget the flying slippers, dishes, vases, and knives that once hit you in the eye, heart, neck, or whatever. Hehe

    Crying for what once was and what will be is useless. What's past can not be changed. What will be can not be known (Unless I finish building my time machine first of course). So why worry, really? icon_razz.gif

    Everyone tells you (us really), that we're so young and that's because it's true. Hehe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    Another cliche, but in my case.very very true.....at my age, I feel better than at any point in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything ( well, maybe 10 million bucks)....butI've never looked and felt more energetic and happy.....but it takes work....mental and physical.

    I'm singled. I've known true love. Won't rule out the possibility of true love again, but not actively looking for it....which means it will prolly come when I least expect it....,.and if it never comes....that's ok, cause I'm happy with myself.

    We all get lonely. Don't settle for quick fixes man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 9:02 PM GMT
    Czardas,

    I'm one of those older gents you speak of, and as I look into the future, it is likely that I am going to remain alone. I have no inclination anymore to rearrange my life to suit someone else's needs or desires, and that's fine.

    My point? It's nothing to dread or worry about. I'm perfectly happy. This doesn't need to be your eventual fate, but if it is, I assure you it's okay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    This is a timely topic for me, I have just recently felt what I suspect is loneliness for the first time in my life. I have never thought much about being in a relationship or needing someone else in my life. When I have been with someone my perspective never really changed from when I was single. Are your feelings similar? or am I weird because Im 25 and just now feel like there should be more in my life with my personal connections, ie a two way thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 9:21 PM GMT
    Some of my comments below in BOLD

    czarodziej saidwhen there's no one with any potential in my life and its grey outside

    actually it is grey "inside".. it's all in your head. it is your perspective that something is wrong according to your perspective of what is right. Despite the fact that you feel "older" you are still 21 (if your profile is correct) Perspective in life comes from life experience and despite how you feel, what really have you experienced? Really .. experience does count!!

    misjudgment

    Part of your misjudgment is that there is no one with "potential" Age and life will teach you that you benefit from sources you would not expect. Life is not all about dating or the significant other. You will grow from all kinds of relationships, and boyfriends are not the end all be all of relationships. If you are "alone", you have to ask yourself are you really? Who are you excluding from your life?

    what hope do i have of that trend finally ending one day? how long must i wait?

    You have to wait until you open your mind a little bit. Stop worrying about where you should be according to other people. If it were all planned out you would be a novel or work of fiction.

    i know kids my age who have been together for years in happy relationships.

    Has the final chapter been written in that storybook? Who knows what the future holds for them? Happily ever after does not even hold in Disney .. I think they made a Cinderella part 2

    i also know of men who don't find 'the one' till their late 40s or later including the many who die alone.

    icon_rolleyes.gif Gee thanks! No really, some of these people have had many blissful relationships, some are serial monogamists, some are monoga-mostly! The thought of dying alone is not pleasant for most people. But rarely is it a partner that is there for you unless you die at the same time. Fill your life with all kinds of relationships and you will be surrounded by people who love you. Learn to accept love even from strangers.

    i guess i'm just apprehensive of that huge unknown, and patience has never been among my virtues- in fact, i'd say its my worst flaw.

    The problem is that you are apprehensive about the "known" not the "unknown" You have made up fictional scenarios based on things you have "seen" and your mind has made them as though they are fact.

    i feel like a clock is ticking; i see sooo many attractive older gay men who are still inexplicably single ... and it really worries me. what can i hope to expect? what can i do?

    The clock is ticking! So don't waste you time worring, be productive. There is so much in life to enjoy! Like I said, you don't know the whole story of those "older gay men". Hope, expect .. expect nothing and let life surprise you. Plan for you future, learn to be self sufficient, and look forward to the unexpected. It 'taint all bad!


    some say that the one for me will pop magically into my life when i've finally given up on looking- is that a truth? does that mean that looking and wanting will hinder me? if so, how do i stop myself?

    I don't know about magic, but we are not the masters of our fate as much as we think we are. Yes, looking and wanting will hinder you. If you are going to look, at least look with unbiased eyes. Your wants might just burn themselves out and it might be pointless to even tell you this. How do you stop? How do you fall asleep? Relax, let go, and accept the utility of emptiness!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    You seem to be interested in mysticism, and there is everything mystical (albeit in a very Newtonian - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction - sort of way) about loneliness.

    Everything I have ever wanted, I have wanted with a searing intensity that was nearly withering.

    Wanting didn't make anything happen. My need was not filled, and that void just got filled with more longing.

    I could understand, however dimly, that giving up was the trick.

    However, giving up is just a trick when smart people like you try giving up.

    Failure, empty pockets, acceptance of that which cannot be ordered, controlled, or planned is the only thing that works.

    Getting there requires riding the lightning of your own intensity until that energy is REALLY exhausted.

    As nature abhors a vacuum the space left by what you have consumed is filled with something else.

    That might be a companion, that might be acceptance, that might be wisdom, that might be something else entirely.

    I am not proposing magic, just symmetry, fractal magnification.

    You can do nothing about what you are but be it as intensely as you feel, and it seems you do burn very brightly.

    Life doesn't care about our patience, unfortunately. Nor does it seem to monitor our apprehensions (though all men, and especially all thinking men, have them in abundance).

    Since you are clearly spectacular there seems to be nothing to do but just be as intensely as you cannot help but be, and ride the fucking thing out.

    I'll bet you get what you want, though it likely won't look at all like you expect. Mine didn't.

    Peace to you
    Terry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidYou seem to be interested in mysticism, and there is everything mystical (albeit in a very Newtonian - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction - sort of way) about loneliness.

    Everything I have ever wanted, I have wanted with a searing intensity that was nearly withering.

    Wanting didn't make anything happen. My need was not filled, and that void just got filled with more longing.

    I could understand, however dimly, that giving up was the trick.

    However, giving up is just a trick when smart people like you try giving up.

    Failure, empty pockets, acceptance of that which cannot be ordered, controlled, or planned is the only thing that works.

    Getting there requires riding the lightning of your own intensity until that energy is REALLY exhausted.

    As nature abhors a vacuum the space left by what you have consumed is filled with something else.

    That might be a companion, that might be acceptance, that might be wisdom, that might be something else entirely.

    I am not proposing magic, just symmetry, fractal magnification.

    You can do nothing about what you are but be it as intensely as you feel, and it seems you do burn very brightly.

    Life doesn't care about our patience, unfortunately. Nor does it seem to monitor our apprehensions (though all men, and especially all thinking men, have them in abundance).

    Since you are clearly spectacular there seems to be nothing to do but just be as intensely as you cannot help but be, and ride the fucking thing out.

    I'll bet you get what you want, though it likely won't look at all like you expect. Mine didn't.

    Peace to you
    Terry


    wow, thanx- i really thoroughly understood all of that- its how i think- its my language. thanx to the other posts thus far too everyone- they're all very caring and insightful and i'm grateful that no one's said anything witheringly nasty in response to my post- what's been written thus far is what i need to hear, i think. but wow, terry this is great.

    'giving up' being merely a trick for the quick of mind is SO true- i try almost weekly to throw up my hands and renounce my wants and desires... the problem is that i then sit there intently waiting for the universe to be fooled into giving me what i want lol. and i know what you mean about wanting until it literally exhausts and withers. i think that when one avidly pursues self-betterment through mysticism and magick, the universe aligns itself for one's best interests with one's Will... but it doesn't always seem that way; hence, the adage about everything happening for a reason. i've met so much failure thus far- and every time, i get a little colder, a little more protective, a little more intellectually detached from the painful emotions of love and disappointment and loss. the protectiveness is the only one of those things that isn't healthy or noble. but i think this is exactly what i'm supposed to be learning- i half suspect that the universe will keep me wanting and craving and ramming my head against the glass wall until that desire burns itself up. giving up will indeed be the trick i think.. it just has to be genuine, and that- as someone else pointed out- requires life experience. i just need to keep failing i suppose until its really hit home. i realize all of this intellectually now, but i obviously have a ways to go before its a gut-realization. you're proposing magick indeed- its a subtle magick though, and all the more potent for being so; its the magick of sacrifice; and ultimately, the high magick of simply being oneself- something precious few ever attain to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    jprichva saidCzardas,

    I'm one of those older gents you speak of, and as I look into the future, it is likely that I am going to remain alone. I have no inclination anymore to rearrange my life to suit someone else's needs or desires, and that's fine.

    My point? It's nothing to dread or worry about. I'm perfectly happy. This doesn't need to be your eventual fate, but if it is, I assure you it's okay.


    I couldn't have said it better....but, I'm typing anyway sooooo:

    to build on this, we who are older and single are often happy because we realize that we don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I'm single because of choices I've made. Those choices were made because I've found happiness to be much better than misery. Loneliness may not be solved by a relationship nor should it be.
    If your happy in your life, your more likely to meet someone else who's happy too. If your needy, you'll meet someone else who's needy.
    There's no void left for someone to fill in my life for it is full. There's always room for someone special in my life, but they need to be as special to me as I am to them just not necessarily in the same way.
    If I'm single for the rest of my life, I'm still going to be happy because it's my choice to be.
    I can't possibly do everything I'd like to do in my life so if the schedule changes, I'm fine with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    czarodziej said i half suspect that the universe will keep me wanting and craving and ramming my head against the glass wall until that desire burns itself up. giving up will indeed be the trick I think..
    I am glad so many people have mentioned this. But remember, those are "your" desires not the universes', only you can "work" with them. This is a matter of holding yourself accountable or merely being responsible. But really I wanted you to think of the other side of the equation. That is the things that you "don't want" vs. the things that you "want". You know those people or situations (yes loneliness) you "don't want"? maybe you should look into them. I am not saying date people you don't like or put yourself in bad situations, but learn to look at what you are avoiding in life. When we avoid problems in ourselves we often find ourselves revisiting them later. Sit with the things that bother you and see what you learn.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    Well first of all I really feel for you being lonely at 21. I contend that the late teens and early 20's are some of the hardest in a person's life. At that age I was closeted, living alone for the first time, and trying to make myself straight (I will let your imagination try to figure out how). I was not in a good mind space to say the least.

    I don't know if you will finding this comforting or not, but I met my life partner despite having several strikes against me.

    At 37 I was HIV+, very shy, jaded by the gay scene and had not had a boyfriend for 8 1/2 years. Yet at that age I met my partner and we have been together ever since.

    So czarodziej hang in there. Although there are no guarantees in life, you have a lot going for you that will increase your likelihood of finding a partner.

    Also don't spend too much time worrying about trying to find a boyfriend. Often people will click with someone special when they are least expecting it (that certainly happened with me).

    The only qualifier I would add is that you must keep socializing with other gay men, and not just on the internet. I personally find the internet attracts some people of questionable integrity that are much harder to find out then they would be meeting face to face. So go to neighbourhoods where gay men congregate, gay social organizations, even volunteer work. Meeting different gay men will increase your social circle greatly, because each friend you make may have 5 or 6 friends, etc..

    Good luck and don't get too down on yourself. I have found that loneliness and feelings of sadness are a lot easier to fall into then climb out of.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 06, 2008 2:00 AM GMT
    czarodziej saidi've been feeling really lonely lately- and i kinda resent myself for it because its been my experience that that leads to hasty relationships and neediness- its a reoccurring personal weakness i recognize in myself and am continually trying to suppress. i'd rather just be unconditionally happy with myself, single or otherwise. some days (like today), when there's no one with any potential in my life and its grey outside, it just feels irrationally like i'll always be alone- every good thing i've found for myself has thus far ended up being a misjudgment and a failure- though at this point as in the past, i'd be happy to just find something with potential- what hope do i have of that trend finally ending one day? how long must i wait? i hope not past my prime. i know kids my age who have been together for years in happy relationships. i also know of men who don't find 'the one' till their late 40s or later. and then there's everything in-between, including the many who die alone. i guess i'm just apprehensive of that huge unknown, and patience has never been among my virtues- in fact, i'd say its my worst flaw.

    sorry if this sounds like a cry for attention or for coddling btw- i know how unattractive that is.

    my curiosities are for what experiences others have had, for better or worse. everyone tells me i'm 'so young,' but i don't feel like it- i've always been mature for my age in many ways, came out in early high school, and can't generally even date guys my own age because of it. i feel like a clock is ticking; i see sooo many attractive older gay men who are still inexplicably single... and it really worries me. what can i hope to expect? what can i do? some say that the one for me will pop magically into my life when i've finally given up on looking- is that a truth? does that mean that looking and wanting will hinder me? if so, how do i stop myself? really, any and all sagely advice or experience-earned-wisdom would be appreciated. though, being told to not take it all so seriously just doesn't work well for me, so i'll say ahead of time that that's not practical advice in my case- some ppl value different things in life over others and my romantic nature has always valued the need to love and be loved- some can get by patiently without it, but i get fidgety.


    I know it's not what you want to hear, but you are young. I'm 38 and there are times I wonder where 20 years have gone and I still feel like a kid.

    I honestly think that one must learn to love oneself and be happy with who they are. It's the one constant that you'll always have in your life. You can't rely on others to make you feel happy and fullfilled.

    You seem like a keeper, you'll meet someone when you aren't even looking.

    sorry, I'm a little buzzed.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 06, 2008 10:33 AM GMT
    You need to live you life and not care if you're single forever...
    Seriously, if you are truly happy with your life and are enjoying it for what it is
    then someone will be attracted to you for who you are instead of a man who's anxious and worrying about it all the time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 10:37 AM GMT
    Big hug sweet heart. Even my straight boy friends need a big hug some times. Thats life. Have big shoulders kid. Love life, love the people you want to make your family/friends. They will love you back and be your family too/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 12:05 PM GMT
    jprichva saidCzardas,

    I'm one of those older gents you speak of, and as I look into the future, it is likely that I am going to remain alone. I have no inclination anymore to rearrange my life to suit someone else's needs or desires, and that's fine.

    My point? It's nothing to dread or worry about. I'm perfectly happy. This doesn't need to be your eventual fate, but if it is, I assure you it's okay.



    It's good you are doing what you want to do...happiness is a state of mind.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 06, 2008 12:58 PM GMT
    Czarodziej,

    When I was your age I was very lonely, and I cried many times I was so lonely. So I know how you feel.

    I just read your profile, and I'm going to be very honest with you. Don't get offended by what I'm going to say. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help.

    Your "guys I'm looking to meet" is (for me at least) a big turn off. Way too many requirements. Do you live up to all those requirements? Only an arrogant person would say they do. I'm not saying, wanting someone like that is wrong, but it is not realistic. Those kinds of requirements will only attracted arrogance. You are limiting your possibilities. You need to be more open minded, and lose some of those requirements. You will never find a guy with all those requirements. If he tells you he has all those requirements, he is lying.

    Also, you say there are lots of guys your age in relationships. When they are 40 they maybe single, and you (if you take on board what I'm saying icon_smile.gif) maybe in a long term relationship with the love of your life.

    You probably haven't read this as it is just whinging old MikePhil, but on the off chance that you have, I wish you well, and good luck finding the love of your life.

    Mike
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 06, 2008 1:22 PM GMT
    Czarodziej,

    A few thoughts.. I agree with what some of the others have said and have a few more I'll mention.

    First, I agree with MikePhil in some ways. Your profile is interesting, I doubt if I would say "available" as your headline, then put requirements for someone you might want to date. Thats a real turn off. We all have certain points we consider important in other men when it comes to a bf, but to list them isn't flattering. What do you have to offer the other guy? If you want a good quality man, you have to show him the kind of man you are.

    Now let me say I've read a number of your threads and comments and you DO have much to offer another guy.
    There is no doubt in my mind you are very intelligent, cute and have a promising future. In some respects you are apart from many 21 or 22 year old guys, but I think conveying what you want plus who you are is very important in a way that leaves "potentials" wanting to hear more.

    As far as your feeling alone, we all feel that way at times, whether you have a bf or not. If its something that continues to bother you, I'd examine how balanced your life is. I'm sure you have friends,
    and with school, lots to complete or balance whats happening. I'd explore some things you can control, like interests you haven't explored and activities you have put off. I agree with "Mr Z" that you should let a potential relationship happen naturally.

    I'm confident you will have a bf you cherish. Don't dismiss whats said here. Best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 2:04 PM GMT
    MikePhil saidCzarodziej,

    When I was your age I was very lonely, and I cried many times I was so lonely. So I know how you feel.

    I just read your profile, and I'm going to be very honest with you. Don't get offended by what I'm going to say. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help.

    Your "guys I'm looking to meet" is (for me at least) a big turn off. Way too many requirements. Do you live up to all those requirements? Only an arrogant person would say they do. I'm not saying, wanting someone like that is wrong, but it is not realistic. Those kinds of requirements will only attracted arrogance. You are limiting your possibilities. You need to be more open minded, and lose some of those requirements. You will never find a guy with all those requirements. If he tells you he has all those requirements, he is lying.

    Also, you say there are lots of guys your age in relationships. When they are 40 they maybe single, and you (if you take on board what I'm saying icon_smile.gif) maybe in a long term relationship with the love of your life.

    You probably haven't read this as it is just whinging old MikePhil, but on the off chance that you have, I wish you well, and good luck finding the love of your life.

    Mike


    thanx- how's it look now?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidthanx- how's it look now?
    Cluttered. Use shorter sentences and break things up into more paragraphs.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    I would take out the part about pet peeves. You were sounding really upbeat and positive and then that sentence is a streak of negativity, which kills the mood a little.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    lol k
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    You're in college, right? Could it be that you're just feeling this loneliness more intensely right now because you're away from so many of your friends and usual activities right now?

    Also, I remember being 21. I expected to date Mr. Perfect (although Mr. Perfect was almost always straight icon_sad.gif ) When I did date, it tended to be about two dates when I'd start to see flaws I didn't like and decide that wasn't the one.

    As I got older I realized there were actually a lot of guys I dated that I really liked and could have enjoyed making something more of it. My pursuit of the perfect boyfriend was illusory. There's no such thing as Mr. Perfect.

    I'm still very close friends with my first boyfriend. If I hadn't broken things off (because of petty imperfections I decided I didn't like in him), it's very likely that we would still be together as a couple today, 18 years later. He's a good guy, a real catch. One that I took off the hook and threw back. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 06, 2008 4:36 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidYou're in college, right? Could it be that you're just feeling this loneliness more intensely right now because you're away from so many of your friends and usual activities right now?

    Also, I remember being 21. I expected to date Mr. Perfect (although Mr. Perfect was almost always straight icon_sad.gif ) When I did date, it tended to be about two dates when I'd start to see flaws I didn't like and decide that wasn't the one.

    As I got older I realized there were actually a lot of guys I dated that I really liked and could have enjoyed making something more of it. My pursuit of the perfect boyfriend was illusory. There's no such thing as Mr. Perfect.

    I'm still very close friends with my first boyfriend. If I hadn't broken things off (because of petty imperfections I decided I didn't like in him), it's very likely that we would still be together as a couple today, 18 years later. He's a good guy, a real catch. One that I took off the hook and threw back. icon_sad.gif


    i used to do the same thing- date a guy until his flaws became overwhelmingly annoying and i had to get out- but i've gotten past that years ago- im much better at accepting that we're all flawed. although things like being a bad kisser can be fixed and things like snoring aren't that big a deal; compulsive lying, or tendencies to cheat, or having a 2 inch penis are flaws i can't really get around so easily, even now. i get what you're saying though- i agree. the trick is gonna be to find a guy who's flaws compliment my own lol.

    as for the first part- i think you're right there too, in large part. my entire social life is back at school with my fraternity brothers and associated acquaintances. i haven't kept in touch with what high school friends i had here, and so i've been either working my ass off during the week, or rotting at home with my family to nag me on the weekends, as with this weekend. i'm feeling starved for a social life and i don't think i'll have reprieve until i go back to school in late september.

    although, i will say this: there's been a lot said in this forum and in others lately where people seem to think that a full social life can replace a healthy loving relationship- and while that may work for SOME people... while others may delude themselves into thinking their full social lives are fair compensation for sleeping alone every night- i don't feel that way at all. sure, hanging out with friends is great and can take one's mind off any misery.... but at the end of the day, you can't spoon with your friends (well, you could, but i personally don't.). i could elaborate but you get the idea- its a different connection to a person. and its that rarer connection of love that i'm missing; being thronged with friends could only assuage that temporarily...