Is forgiveness free or earned?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    My partner and I got in a huge tiff and it started small. He still clings to his heterosexuality (I'm sure he is bisexual though) and made a comment that he doesn't understand why I get an attitude over things instead of forgive/forget and move on.....and it must be because I am gay. The whole gay part sent me through the roof. I walked away from him and walked back to work, told him I was no longer hungry. icon_question.gif

    I am still giving him the cold shoulder after 2 days. What should have been us spending time together turned out horribly wrong.

    I am all about forgiving the guy I love and care about, but I'm tired of having to forgive him without him having any type of change in his behavior, not even an apology.

    He does attempt to explain that he didn't mean to offend me, but when I explain why I was offended, it creates a whole NEW argument/conflict.

    So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner. Is it limited, or is it plentiful. Does it happen naturally, or is it something you struggle with like I do. Do you make him work for it. I believe forgiveness is EARNED, but am I wrong in my thinking?
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    Martkell2007 said... He still clings to his heterosexuality ...
    That would be enough to make me dump him on the spot.
    Even if he's bi, he still harbors hatred for gays, and that's not acceptable.
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    My forgiveness is usually given. I had a teacher in middle school talk to us about forgiveness, and she had this to say: saying "I forgive you" is not the same as saying "It's okay". You need to make the person you're forgiving understand that what they did was not okay (ie - should not be repeated in the future). I still take that lesson to heart.
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    Earned. Plus I have to wonder why you are still with this dude because he sounds like a head case. He can't even identify with himself much less you. Not worth forgiveness when his actions don't warrant it. he's not even putting forth an effort.
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    MightyMouse87 saidMy forgiveness is usually given. I had a teacher in middle school talk to us about forgiveness, and she had this to say: saying "I forgive you" is not the same as saying "It's okay". You need to make the person you're forgiving understand that what they did was not okay (ie - should not be repeated in the future). I still take that lesson to heart.



    ah....the moments of clarity...
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    Mar 01, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    "Forgiveness is not something we do for other people, we do it for ourselves to get well and move on" Unknown
  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Mar 01, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    sounds like a failboat man, jump ship.

    And smoke some pot, drammmmmaaaa queeeeeeen
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    Forgiveness is free, but trust is earned.

    Forgive and forget do not automatically go together. Most of the time, forgive and forget means "I forgive you for what you did wrong to me, and I'm willing to forget it so that you can do it again."

    You should forgive, you should not forget. Otherwise you don't learn.

    regarding your situation:
    He really can't be your partner (unless it is a business relationship) since, if proclaims to be straight, and yet wants to sleep with you, he simply wants you to enable his denial. While the decision is your's to enable him or not, if you do enable him, then you can't complain about the results of that (which are clearly bad for both of you.)

    Move on to someone who is a more complete man. Currently your happiness seems to be more based on what the relationship could be, not what it is.
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    meninlove said "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?



    Yes, we are very much partners, but boyfriends, Nope!


    And we already smoke enough pot as it is!! Me walking away from him IS my way of avoiding drama. He gets confrontational quickly.
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    do what you think you should doicon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    Martkell2007 said
    meninlove said "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?



    Yes, we are very much partners, but boyfriends, Nope!


    lol, I'm confused by this sentence.

    If you are not bfs, what does partner mean?

  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Mar 01, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    I think it means they just fuck... sounds toxic.

    Im prescribing you a heavy dose of, fuck somebody else for a while.
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Martkell2007 said
    meninlove said "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?



    Yes, we are very much partners, but boyfriends, Nope!


    lol, I'm confused by this sentence.

    If you are not bfs, what does partner mean?


    lol It's a "black" expression I'm assuming that's what he's referring to his partner as his boy aka his homey/his good friend
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    Every situation is different, however when u decide to forgive it should be to free yourself frm harboring any feelings that will keep u frm being content. After all negative energy will do nothing more than kill your choice to decide to be happy!
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    Mar 01, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    You have to forgive in order to move forward in so many positive ways.

    But forgiveness does not mean things are better. It does not mean you have to stand for being mistreated. It does not mean you have to go back to a toxic situation. Some people find it too hard to apologize. But if they change their behaviour, that's good enough for me.
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    MightyMouse87 saidMy forgiveness is usually given. I had a teacher in middle school talk to us about forgiveness, and she had this to say: saying "I forgive you" is not the same as saying "It's okay". You need to make the person you're forgiving understand that what they did was not okay (ie - should not be repeated in the future). I still take that lesson to heart.


    Oprah told me the same thing.

    Oprah Winfrey- Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


    Your past can't be changed, but your future can. Is he willing to though?
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    We are business partners and part-time lovers. Good enough for me. I just wanted to know your views on forgiveness and I appreciate those who have provided.


    est89 said
    meninlove said
    Martkell2007 said
    meninlove said "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?



    Yes, we are very much partners, but boyfriends, Nope!


    lol, I'm confused by this sentence.

    If you are not bfs, what does partner mean?


    lol It's a "black" expression I'm assuming that's what he's referring to his partner as his boy aka his homey/his good friend



    I wasn't aware that was a "black" expression, perhaps you are more black than I am. :-P
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    meninlove said "So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner."

    IS he your partner?


    A one time mistake is just that. Forgiveness is a gift.

    Recurring instances of that same "mistake" is disregard and disrespect.
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    The word partner is nauseating.

    Divine forgiveness is free.

    Human forgiveness often has strings.
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    No one is perfect and any good relationship is about compromise.

    He does sound a tad emotionally retarded though but that's most men all over, they have trouble explaining their feelings.

    If he is never willing to admit that he's wrong/shut up to keep the peace (as you have to sometimes) then you have a problem. Can he even laugh at himself for being stubborn ?

    Whenever I've had an argument with a partner I always try make sure it is resolved the same day, long term resentment/anger is poison to a relationship.
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    Mar 01, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    To me forgiveness is to be earned. Cant do/say some shit and expect me to just eventually get over it and forgive.

    Also I never mix business and pleasure/friendships. More often than not that's an explosive combo.

    whateveryo said
    Whenever I've had an argument with a partner I always try make sure it is resolved the same day, long term resentment/anger is poison to a relationship.


    Good point. Don't let things fester.
  • dangler12

    Posts: 14

    Mar 01, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    Martkell2007 saidMy partner and I got in a huge tiff and it started small. He still clings to his heterosexuality (I'm sure he is bisexual though) and made a comment that he doesn't understand why I get an attitude over things instead of forgive/forget and move on.....and it must be because I am gay. The whole gay part sent me through the roof. I walked away from him and walked back to work, told him I was no longer hungry. icon_question.gif

    I am still giving him the cold shoulder after 2 days. What should have been us spending time together turned out horribly wrong.

    I am all about forgiving the guy I love and care about, but I'm tired of having to forgive him without him having any type of change in his behavior, not even an apology.

    He does attempt to explain that he didn't mean to offend me, but when I explain why I was offended, it creates a whole NEW argument/conflict.

    So how do you guys handle forgiving your partner. Is it limited, or is it plentiful. Does it happen naturally, or is it something you struggle with like I do. Do you make him work for it. I believe forgiveness is EARNED, but am I wrong in my thinking?


    Straight? No. But wait...you're THAT hot you turn straight guys.

    Dump him.
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    Mar 01, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    Why are potheads so confrontational, unless they're high?

    That's why I avoid potheads all together...