Going to a gay bar alone

  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Mar 03, 2012 11:17 AM GMT
    So I've finally got enough freedom (i.e. a car) to be able to go out to a gay bar and have some fun... problem is, I don't have any gay friends to go with. What kind of advice could you give to someone going to a bar alone? Any sort of people to watch out for (both good and bad)? I don't know the first thing about flirting, either. Any help would be greatly appreciated icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 03, 2012 11:24 AM GMT
    Never leave your drink unattended, even if you're just turning around to say hi to someone...unless you enjoy roofies.

    Only talk to hot guys...unless you're into being laid by not-hot guys.

    The bartender(s) are usually hot and will flirt with you. This is for tips...not because they're into you.

    Get laid. That's the most important part, and the ultimate reason gay bars exist.
  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Mar 03, 2012 11:32 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThe bartender(s) are usually hot and will flirt with you. This is for tips...not because they're into you.


    It's Australia, tips are not within our culture icon_razz.gif but duly noted.
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    Mar 03, 2012 12:07 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gifRemind me never to become a bartender in Australia! Except maybe on the beach...
  • kiwi_nomad

    Posts: 316

    Mar 03, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    MarriedAdam saidicon_eek.gifRemind me never to become a bartender in Australia! Except maybe on the beach...


    In Australia hospitality staff do get tipped but it's not a social requirement and doesn't happen as frequently as it would in the US or Europe.

    Just remember, the minimum wage in Australia is close to $20/hr with most bar staff being paid much more than that, and not the $2-7/hr or whatever it is in the States where most of your earnings come from tips alone.
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    Mar 03, 2012 12:29 PM GMT
    I would just say get out there man. Find a Bar you like yourself. Go on a regular basis then you will get to know people. Chat to guys, most people have a story to tell, exchange views, If you find someone attractive find out if they have a boyfriend, the answer will be yes or maybe or a long story about a split up. If you are friendly and find it easy to talk to people that is a plus. If you have a straight friend he might welcome the opportunity to accompany you to get you started. Best of luck and happy hunting
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    Mar 03, 2012 12:43 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidGet laid. That's the most important part, and the ultimate reason gay bars exist.


    Well you could but not the best thing to do especially guys coming from a bar. lol
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    Mar 03, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    Unless you are a very gregarious man - gay bars can be a little lonely - especially on a busy weekend night - as a lot of people are there to catch up with mates - and may not engage you too much. You then may become bitter and dissilusioned.

    If you could - look for a gay group in your area - here in Dublin we have a load of sports groups, charity groups, theatre and cinema festivals that look for volunteers etc. This way you will meet some GLBT people and then can venture out to a pub with them. You can make friends easier that way and show you that the gay world can be so much more than a crowded bar.

    Dont get me wrong here - I love the bars as much as anyone else - but even though I know loads of people - i dont like going into a bar (straight or gay) unless I know a friend of mine will be there, or will join me in a while.
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    Mar 03, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Bond22 said
    paulflexes saidGet laid. That's the most important part, and the ultimate reason gay bars exist.


    Well you could but not the best thing to do especially guys coming from a bar. lol
    How about sexing the guys going to a bar?
  • aumsean77

    Posts: 37

    Mar 03, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    irish_kayaker saidUnless you are a very gregarious man - gay bars can be a little lonely - especially on a busy weekend night - as a lot of people are there to catch up with mates - and may not engage you too much. You then may become bitter and dissilusioned.

    If you could - look for a gay group in your area - here in Dublin we have a load of sports groups, charity groups, theatre and cinema festivals that look for volunteers etc. This way you will meet some GLBT people and then can venture out to a pub with them. You can make friends easier that way and show you that the gay world can be so much more than a crowded bar.

    Dont get me wrong here - I love the bars as much as anyone else - but even though I know loads of people - i dont like going into a bar (straight or gay) unless I know a friend of mine will be there, or will join me in a while.



    Best answer so far. And true. Good luck.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 03, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    I've never been to a gay bar alone. Gay bars don't have too much fascination for me (at least alone) and I usually have other things I'd rather be doing.

    That said, nothing wrong with you going, provided you are safe. Just know
    what is the right and wrong thing to do, watch what you drink (and who gives it to you). I'd suggest you don't get drunk there. I'd also make sure someone knows where you are at, even if he or she isn't with you.
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    Mar 03, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    kudos to irish kayaker's words of wisdom. as a nearly old guy, when i came out (1980, lol) there was ONLY bars, no social opportunities other than bars (and bathhouses and cruising places if those count as "social"). the initial fascination with being around "other people like me" soon wore off with the smoky haze, the inane loud music, the over-priced lame beers, and all the basically sad and lonely people all looking to essentially numb out from their lives. by all means, it is a place of our "culture" that you may want to experience, but don't go there thinking this is some form of gay heaven and everyone there will be your friend. be there with eyes wide open, observe, interact, be friendly, stay sober...... i still have friends that i met in bars from waaaay back then. i've not been to a gay bar in years and years, hopefully they have become much better places than when they were part of my world. as irish kayaker sez, get involved in other forms of social interaction, as a way to meet other chaps, and let the bars fit into that mix. best to you as you make your life.
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    Mar 03, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    irish_kayaker saidUnless you are a very gregarious man - gay bars can be a little lonely - especially on a busy weekend night - as a lot of people are there to catch up with mates - and may not engage you too much. You then may become bitter and dissilusioned.

    If you could - look for a gay group in your area - here in Dublin we have a load of sports groups, charity groups, theatre and cinema festivals that look for volunteers etc. This way you will meet some GLBT people and then can venture out to a pub with them. You can make friends easier that way and show you that the gay world can be so much more than a crowded bar.

    Dont get me wrong here - I love the bars as much as anyone else - but even though I know loads of people - i dont like going into a bar (straight or gay) unless I know a friend of mine will be there, or will join me in a while.


    +2

    Better to make some friends in a different setting first, and go with a group. That way your satisfaction with the night is not pinned entirely on meeting someone. But it's probably also a good idea to make sure that the group agrees that if one person does meet someone they are free to focus on that person... if you go with one other person, a.) others may assume you're together and not approach you, and b.) if one of you does meet someone, the other could be bored/resentful. You are certainly not alone and I expect you will find others who are willing to socialize together.
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    Mar 03, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    I have stood at the door at various kinds of gay bars and counted the number of single guys that go to gay bars. It is less than 10 percent in a bar that has decent guys. Gay guys go to gay bars with friends or meet them there. The percentage of single guys increases as the skankiness of the bar increases.
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    Mar 03, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    gay bars can be fun! don't go with too many expectations, and yes be aware of who/what is going on around you. if you're lonely, talk to the bartender. drink slowly!

    gay bars can also be annoying if people aren't friendly. if you like someone, try to make eye contact and smile. if they are not interested, they will look away and ignore you. if they are interested they will keep looking back at you and return a smile or a wink. thats your invitation to go over and say hello and strike up a conversation. just start with "hi" and make small talk. soon you'll get the idea if they are just being friendly, or if they are into you and getting flirty.

    don't get desperate. if for whatever reason, you find you are not connecting with anyone. just do your own thing, or move on to another place. don't take it personally - this is probably the most difficult thing.
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    Mar 03, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    gay bars can and will be fun once you start to drink and engage in small talk. It really just depends on the city, what type of gays make up the city and who goes to the bars.

    Many gay guys can be really snooty and immediately judge you without even striking up a friendly conversation. However in many cases (that i have been in) gay guys have been friendly enough to strike up a innocent conversation.

    People in general know how to "talk" more when they are tipsy. It's easier not to be so up tight. I definitely recommend making some gay friends first then going out. icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif have fun and don't forget don't drink and drive icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 03, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Best advise is to not go alone!
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14354

    Mar 03, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    What is the difference if you visit a gay bar alone or with somebody, I used to go to gay bars alone all the time. It was no big deal. I would go to any type of bar or nightclub alone. When you are alone, you have more freedom to meet other people.
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    Mar 03, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with going alone. I don't go anymore, but in my 20's and beyond I went a lot - - alone or with friends. The places I chose were amazing - full of music and dancing (live bands or disc jockeys) - - very, very crowded. You were packed in - shirts came off - arms above your head. One place had four split levels of dance floors - and guys in four cages suspended high above our heads. The lights, the sound, the guys - what memories. If you were there alone, you just did some shots and hit the dance floor. There were so many guys and lots of body contact. You were crammed right up against a hundred or more other guys. Life was such a blast then. You just didn't go home empty handed. If you wanted to talk to a guy, you would leave the dance floor and try to find a place to talk. Not much conversation though - - - other than, "Your place or mine?"
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    Mar 03, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    trevor27 saidBest advise is to not go alone!


    Good advice. I have had more excitement watching paint dry than I have had going alone to a gay bar.
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    Mar 03, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    Be confident and don't let others define what is fun in a gay bar. Go out and have a good time. You won't do that by being a wall flower in any type of bar whether you are single or with someone.

    The most useful advice given thus far is to never leave your drink unattended. Also what Irish_Kayaker said is spot on.
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    Mar 03, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    I'd avoid going alone...you need someone there to run interference just in case! icon_razz.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 03, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    I perfer to go alone.

    If you go with another guy; the other peeps already in the bar assume (right or wrong) that you two are "together" and they avoid hitting on you.



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    Mar 03, 2012 7:43 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidThe most useful advice given thus far is to never leave your drink unattended.


    Does anyone know anyone who has (verifiably) had their drink spiked and been robbed, sexually assaulted or befallen some other horror? I think drink spiking is largely an excuse used by people who get far too pissed to know what they are doing.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Mar 03, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    I've gone by myself and had a good time, but I normally prefer to go with some friends because a bar setting is not extremely conducive to meeting new people. Generally, I've met people during more interactive events at bars like pool tournaments or bingo.

    The advice about joining a sports, business or activist group is the best. In this day and time, there are so many places to meet other gay people besides in bars.