Do we really pick & choose the ones we fall in love with....

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 03, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    or does some intangible, unforseen force of nature decide this for us?

    Tawkamongstyoselves....
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    Mar 03, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    rnch saidor does some itangible, unforseen force of nature decide this for us?

    Tawkamongstyoselves....



    hahaha that was cute

    And sadly, no.

    Not saying I believe in fate, but sometimes you don't want to like someone, but they're just so charming and you start to develop feelings.

    For me, there was a guy who was cute in an "Aww, puppy" way, but his personality so aligned with mine that I began to fall and absolutely hated it because I didn't want to have feelings for him, because I just didn't want to.

    Luckily his flaws outweighed the good and all feelings dissipated.

    I think we all have our soulmate pictured in our mind and when we start to fall for someone who doesn't fit into the design...that's real love, because despite it all, we still want them.

    Gosh, it's too early to be this mushy

    And there's the whole thing about chemistry and nobody can control that. Odds are if we had one night with a celebrity crush, when we woke up and spent a day with them, the chemistry wouldn't be there and the novelty would wear off.

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 03, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    Matryoshka said...I think we all have our soulmate pictured in our mind and when we start to fall for someone who doesn't fit into the design...that's real love, because despite it all, we still want them...






    Yup icon_exclaim.gif
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    Mar 03, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    rnch saidor does some intangible, unforseen...

    We pick, but the conditions that make the connection robust are arguably unconscious ones. However, these forces are neither intangible nor unforeseen.

    Our understanding is in its infancy, I'll offer, but studies are underway.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Mar 03, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Nope - absolutely not.

    I'm a believer that so long as you put yourself out there into society, you really on have only a limited amount of control over who you will meet. (i.e, you can control yourself from going to a sketchy neighborhood, but you cant control someone from a sketchy neighborhood from coming to yours)

    That said, I believe you really cant pick who you will fall in love with - it just happens. I do believe that it is a certain force of nature that does influence it - what we commonly refer to as chemistry - but people with exceptionally strong wills (or stupidity) can overcome the force of chemistry and ignore whats good for them.

    I've chosen to not be stupid - and have met some absolutely extraordinary people, from all over the US and the world, and am dating a man that I wouldn't ever have met if it wasn't for a near accidental moment several months ago. I've learned that stuff happens, and you need to roll with it.
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    Mar 03, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    I fell in love (although I keep telling myself that it's only a crush) with someone that is very close to what I think is the ideal man. The weird part is that I didn't want to fall in love with this person (b/c I don't think that he'll ever return the sentiment). So, I think that it's a bit of both (we have some control, but not total).
  • GoldenBoy12

    Posts: 49

    Mar 03, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    um if we did
    Romeo and I would be married
    with 3 gaybies by now


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    Mar 03, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    Yea dont think we have much choice when falling for someone
    if you think we do then good for you, coz you havent fallen in love with someone that treated you like shit or acted like a peace of shit.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 04, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    Yeah it's true, I've found myself falling for guys I would never consider my type. I've recently fell for a 51 year old socially awkward white man lol.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 04, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Holy fuck no. You never know when your next crush is coming around the corner.
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    I definitely think that loving someone is beyond your control. The ones you predict falling in love with/being a perfect fit rarely are, and it's the unexpected ones that steal a piece (or all of) your heart. I've only loved twice, and both times were most "inconvenient" for me (long stories).
    I don't regret loving them, and understand that heartbreak comes as a part of the package. Take the experiences you gain from the relationships you form, and never dwell on what "might have been".
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Mar 04, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    jerbear89 saidI definitely think that loving someone is beyond your control. The ones you predict falling in love with/being a perfect fit rarely are, and it's the unexpected ones that steal a piece (or all of) your heart. I've only loved twice, and both times were most "inconvenient" for me (long stories).
    I don't regret loving them, and understand that heartbreak comes as a part of the package. Take the experiences you gain from the relationships you form, and never dwell on what "might have been".


    Yea I think you nailed it. The false starts hurt and are painful...but they have taught me that what I want and what I need are usually different things.
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    Yeah you dont really control that.. yuo dont really control your feelings.. you just control how you deal with them

    edit: you can repress your feelings.. but that usually has bad consequences.. either for your own health and well-being.. or others because you begin to lash out subconsciously
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    Matryoshka said

    Not saying I believe in fate, but sometimes you don't want to like someone, but they're just so charming and you start to develop feelings.
    I think we all have our soulmate pictured in our mind and when we start to fall for someone who doesn't fit into the design...that's real love, because despite it all, we still want them.

    Gosh, it's too early to be this mushy...

    And there's the whole thing about chemistry and nobody can control that. Odds are if we had one night with a celebrity crush, when we woke up and spent a day with them, the chemistry wouldn't be there and the novelty would wear off.



    THIS! Well said.
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    In all my years moving from state to state I've not once met someone I expected to like or crush on as I expected to. I found myself attracted to the oddest mix of guys. Albeit there was no choice of guys around where I lived in my dopey town in Arizona. A lot of the guys weren't anything like the fantasy I made myself. All you bastards can be so cruel when you put your mind to it. You can never predict who you're going to be attracted to, or fall for... you can only choose if you're going to show it, and let them know, before love changes faces and purpose in your life.
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    Have to disagree with the majority here. I most certainly can control it.
    There's a guy whom I could see myself falling for in a heartbeat. And I know he wants to get to know me better.
    But there are a couple of social issues of his that I won't allow. So my heart stays clear.

    Tristan
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    musclefetish1 said
    There's a guy whom I could see myself falling for in a heartbeat.
    But there are a couple of social issues of his that I won't allow.


    Thats contradictory in itself though.. either you would or you wouldnt .. and here you wouldnt because someone clicked your deal-breakers
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    We pick

    if we didn't pick there would be no such concept as "it's a preference".
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    You cannot control who your heart skips a beat for
    who makes your head swirl
    who clams you and excites you all at once
    who makes you weak and strong
    and who makes you want to be with that person forever

    No, you cannot control who you fall in love with.
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    Mar 04, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    musclefetish1 said
    There's a guy whom I could see myself falling for in a heartbeat.
    But there are a couple of social issues of his that I won't allow.


    Thats contradictory in itself though.. either you would or you wouldnt .. and here you wouldnt because someone clicked your deal-breakers


    Hello McFly? icon_wink.gif
    Not contradictory at all. I could see myself with this person, but I have moved on and am quite happy. So yes, you can control whom you fall in love with. icon_eek.gif

    Tristan
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    Mar 04, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    I think that though you can't choose who makes your heart soar, you can choose what you do or don't do about it.

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    Mar 04, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    Passionplay88 saidYou cannot control who your heart skips a beat for
    who makes your head swirl
    who clams you and excites you all at once
    who makes you weak and strong
    and who makes you want to be with that person forever

    No, you cannot control who you fall in love with.


    Beautifully put <3 It!
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    Mar 04, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    MadeNUSA saidWe pick

    if we didn't pick there would be no such concept as "it's a preference".


    We pick - how we react to our feelings, thoughts and emotions*; but I still believe we're helpless to say what turns us on, or plucks our heart strings. I can't but still have feelings for guys who turned out to be assholes in my past; but I've chosen not to pursue a relationship any further with them.
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    Mar 04, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidYeah you dont really control that.. yuo dont really control your feelings.. you just control how you deal with them

    edit: you can repress your feelings.. but that usually has bad consequences.. either for your own health and well-being.. or others because you begin to lash out subconsciously


    +1, true!

    Okay here is a case of a zoom out Picture to your question

    Its just like in a F1 race, every smartly move can predetermine to win a race, but does that guarantee a No.1 spot! ? ,Does the weather actually kiss you and say Im gonna rain now? does the car scream Im cracking?icon_question.gif No.

    For me Yes I do believe there are those unforeseen forces that decide it for us and you just cant read it at times. Just like a panda with its color Black and White, have you tried inverting a Panda and see how it looks like?

    So does the same there is an invert world of this world. Only the balance of both sides determines the actual cause and factors of destiny which is Perfection!. Being married in Love, then divorce is a simple example of an imbalance structure of the nature with the seen practical world and the unseen mystical world.

    Like they say Nature has its Way....but how it works? It has it mind of its own.
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    Mar 04, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    I dunno.
    I'm stronger than "his" pheromones.