Is there such a thing as being "too nice"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    Pretty self-explanatory..
    People tell me I'm too nice and end up with guys that are dicks icon_rolleyes.gif pretty true life.
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    Mar 05, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    What do they mean by you being too-nice, and from your perspective, what does it mean? Could mean too accommodating, not standing up for yourself, so willing to avoid controversy that you subordinate your desires to those of others?
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

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    Mar 05, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    It's true...its like if you are too nice, you attract those who take advantage of you...of course you are too nice to say anything about it but in the long end yeah....loose loose situation icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    rowbro92 saidPretty self-explanatory..
    People tell me I'm too nice and end up with guys that are dicks icon_rolleyes.gif pretty true life.



    Being 'too nice' and ending up with dicks are two different things sometimes. You can be as nice as you want and love and be what is natural for you to be, and still protect yourself from predatory people.

    -Doug
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    don't mistake my kindness for weakness...
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    God yes. People love to use doormats to wipe the crap from the bottom of their shoes. Don't be one.
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:40 AM GMT

    Yes! ~ plausible and thats when the word Opportunist comes into play.
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidGod yes. People love to use doormats to wipe the crap from the bottom of their shoes. Don't be one.


    +1 Agreed.
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:52 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidGod yes. People love to use doormats to wipe the crap from the bottom of their shoes. Don't be one.


    I agree with not being a doormat. . .but don't stop being a good person.
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    Mar 05, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    Yup me too.. dont worry.. you'll find a nice enough guy like you and me once you get familiar with how to recognise the not-so-nice ones icon_wink.gif
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Mar 05, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    Yes. icon_neutral.gif
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 05, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    There's being nice and sweet.

    Then, there's being stupid.

    Don't be stupid. Be assertive. One can be gentle, but firm, in dealing with others.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    I'm a nice person. People tell me I'm too nice. I always wind-up with assholes. Tempts me to not be so nice. People tell me not to stop being nice because it's what people are attracted to. But it seems to only attract guys wanting to take advantage of it. It's a no-win situation.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    Depends... you might have the classic "pleaser" syndrome. You should check out the reviews of a book called "Anxious to Please". Good book that breaks down why your niceness might actually be something else.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    Yes, it happens when, like myself, you find yourself practically giving away a room and bathroom to a sociopatic moron with zero personal hygiene skills and no respect for your property.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'm one of them unfortunately. For example I let Aw friend borrow money from me. He promised to pay me by Friday. Guess what its Monday an he still hasn'tpay me yet. Not even a call or anything. I'm not going to raise help about it, cuz although I'm broke, I don't findt it necessary to fight over money, I have a job I will make up that money. So yeah I'm a nice guy, I had the option to say no.but I did not, oh well.....


    Oh and it also leads to potential aholes who will take advantage of ur kindness to exploit u for their manual labor, then not hear from a certain personafterwards.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 05, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    i_VAN saidYeah, I'm one of them unfortunately. For example I let Aw friend borrow money from me. He promised to pay me by Friday. Guess what its Monday an he still hasn'tpay me yet. Not even a call or anything. I'm not going to raise help about it, cuz although I'm broke, I don't findt it necessary to fight over money, I have a job I will make up that money. So yeah I'm a nice guy, I had the option to say no.but I did not, oh well.....


    It's money. It pays for important things like food, shelter, security, even health. You're entitled to get that money by all means necessary. You're going to have to work how many hours more to make up that money that he stole from you? What could you have done if you still had that money?

    Please get that money back. You can be nice about it in your approach, but you shouldn't feel bad about asking for your money back. He can't get away with this. And if he doesn't do it to you next time, he'll do it to someone else.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    A good problem to have. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:35 AM GMT
    Ckfeezy saidA good problem to have. icon_smile.gif


    It can be symptomatic of a deficiency in self-respect and overall low self-esteem (you let people get more at your own cost as a way to avoid confrontation even if your rights are being trampled).

    I used to be the biggest doormat. I was afraid to stand up to people and thought if I let them walk all over me they'd one day like me. Until one day I said FUCK. THAT.

    FUCK.

    THAT.

    I said life if no longer The Other People Show. It's the mother fucking MY show. And it's not about being self-centered or selfish. It's about making sure that when I want everyone to be happy and everyone to like me it begins with ME. I need to be happy too, I need to get my fair share, and I need to like me.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:39 AM GMT
    Around ten years ago a bright, wise and good friend sat me down and advised me that sometimes I was "too nice" and I had a heck of a time with that phrase. I couldn't figure out exactly what it meant but the more I thought about it, the more I had become a doormat to a couple of people. I was doing too much for them, and they took it all for granted. I finally figured it out. Don't do "too much" for some people who don't reciprocate or appreciate you. I'm not talking boyfriends, but in my case it was a couple of "fair weather friends" that I was trying to help. I'd had so much in life that I wanted to give and share my world with these two guys. Instead of appreciating all I did for them, they resented me. I finally got wise and cut them off. I learned to be "nice" to people, but not "too nice". I think of it like putting too much sugar on something............don't do it or you'll ruin it.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidAround ten years ago a bright, wise and good friend sat me down and advised me that sometimes I was "too nice" and I had a heck of a time with that phrase. I couldn't figure out exactly what it meant but the more I thought about it, the more I had become a doormat to a couple of people. I was doing too much for them, and they took it all for granted. I finally figured it out. Don't do "too much" for some people who don't reciprocate or appreciate you. I'm not talking boyfriends, but in my case it was a couple of "fair weather friends" that I was trying to help. I'd had so much in life that I wanted to give and share my world with these two guys. Instead of appreciating all I did for them, they resented me. I finally got wise and cut them off. I learned to be "nice" to people, but not "too nice". I think of it like putting too much sugar on something............don't do it or you'll ruin it.


    I just dumped a few friends like that.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    i_VAN saidYeah, I'm one of them unfortunately. For example I let Aw friend borrow money from me. He promised to pay me by Friday. Guess what its Monday an he still hasn'tpay me yet. Not even a call or anything. I'm not going to raise help about it, cuz although I'm broke, I don't findt it necessary to fight over money, I have a job I will make up that money. So yeah I'm a nice guy, I had the option to say no.but I did not, oh well.....


    It's money. It pays for important things like food, shelter, security, even health. You're entitled to get that money by all means necessary. You're going to have to work how many hours more to make up that money that he stole from you? What could you have done if you still had that money?

    Please get that money back. You can be nice about it in your approach, but you shouldn't feel bad about asking for your money back. He can't get away with this. And if he doesn't do it to you next time, he'll do it to someone else.
    yeah but I feel like I why cry about it, as long as I have a job then I don't see a point of being greedy with my money.if he pays me back then great, if he doesn't then well too bad. I won't make the same mistake twice believe me i wasted my money on stupid things that I shouldn't have. I'm wouldn't trip about helping somebody in need.
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    Mar 05, 2012 6:54 AM GMT
    I agree with the others that if your overly nice then some people WILL take advantage of you.

    BUT here's another prospective

    Perhaps on a subconscious level you are actually choosing to go after assholes ?

    It's like women who complain that they keep meeting jerks all the time and can't find any nice guys. You have a look at their dating history and a pattern soon emerges.

    Besides, your what, 19 ? Jesus, most guys your own age do not have the emotional maturity to be a decent human being anyway. Young naivety/arrogance is both a blessing and a curse.

    Just have a good think about the kind of men your attracted to and perhaps open yourself up to trying a different type of man.

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    Mar 05, 2012 6:54 AM GMT
    I think I have the same problem. For example, I try to control the emotions of others by sparing them of negative feelings:

    1. One of my professor's borrowed a book several years ago and never returned it. She would feel horrible and guilty about holding onto it for so long back. So rather than bringing the subject up--and possibly embarassing her or making her feel like an ass--I bought another copy. This has happened serveral times before with other people as well! icon_eek.gif

    2. Also, when I do really well on an exam and other students ask me about my score I will lie as to not make them feel bad.

    3. When debating or fighting with others, I usually do not stand up for myself or my views for fear of hurting the other person involved.

    Friends and family often worry that people will take advantage of me some day. I think perhaps I can be too forgiving and understanding and one day this may cause hurt.
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    Mar 05, 2012 7:03 AM GMT
    I've dated you too nice types before. You can be the nicest assholes ever, and not even know it. I tried to wisen up the last guy who was too nice for being a total dick, and show him how to be more straight forward and honest so his niceness and logical reasoning wouldn't conflict with one another. He just found himself someone who believed in his shared utopian delusion of life and self. I'm sure he's still wondering why shit gets fucked up when he's always so nice.

    Hey, "nice" is also a pseudonym for "queer" in the area of South Carolina I live in.