Checking out other guys' profiles

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2007 3:47 PM GMT
    I think it's kind of funny, but guys who have checked out my profile have never asked to be friends or put me on their buddy list or even emailed me (for the most part on that one), but if I email back, they will put me on their buddy list, let me put them on MY buddy list, etc., and we've had some good conversations.

    So I don't get it - am I being cruised and other guys wait to have me reply to them?? What gives - why don't they just email me and talk in the first place??

    Is there some kind of cruising etiquette that I'm not getting?

    Talk to me, guys.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jul 31, 2007 3:57 PM GMT
    Hi Sundown

    I don't thimk there is any cruising etiquette going on here. Though I know from other more hook-up based sites that leaving 'tracks' letting guys know you've checked them out is a way of showing an interest.

    In my case I look at people's profiles to see if their other pictures are cute, or read some more about someone. It means I'm interested enough to find out more, but maybe not interested enough to drop them a line (or more often than not, too intimidated by their god-like-ness to get in touch).

    Bottom Line, don't take it personally, it's only the internet.

    Loz
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    Aug 01, 2007 12:59 AM GMT
    Yep, what Loz said.

    I'm more a sucker for a sweet face, so if a guy's attractiveness grabs my interest, I will take a look at his profile to read more. If he sounds nice and looks great, maybe I will add him to my Hot List. Its more a way of giving a guy a compliment without email him with a "You're hot" message, which could be quite confronting adn unwelcome.

    Cronker
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 4:47 AM GMT
    Check out my profile caption ;-)

    I am personally enamored with the male form and enjoy the scenery to be found, here.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 01, 2007 4:52 AM GMT
    men are visual by nature. we like to look. at everything! if something or someone catches my eye i will sure enough let them know. but i am aware enough to realize that i may not catch their's. c'est la vie !!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:09 AM GMT
    Just what liftordie said, and loz and cronker. more so liftordie. I look at profiles that catch my eye, but usually dont do or say anything cuz when I read what they're looking for Im like well not me. But I did check out their profile so they know they are attracting attention.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:23 AM GMT
    So, what are the general expectations, here? I look at a dozen or more profiles, each day, but only exchage 3-4 emails, on average. Any more than that and I'd need to hire an assistant. ;)

    Personally, I am flattered when someone checks out my profile, but I'm not expecting an email or IM for the privilege. That would kind of be like the tip jar at Starbucks, wouldn't it?

    Then again, I'm here for the camaraderie and the scenery, so maybe I'm sending the wrong message when I view your profiles. Bad ruck_us, bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:30 AM GMT
    I just looked at your profile, Ruck. I'm an INFP too. That's why I disable the feature showing people that I salivate over their profiles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:36 AM GMT
    Good point Ruck. I think another reason would be when someone says that they're not available it might be another turn off. Yes friends are good but isn't it more personal to actually meet the person you're talking with? I mean yea it's good to have online friends, but you need real life friends too. And I know I just talked myself into an oxymoron considering my hot list. And like liftordie says he might not catch their eye, I feel the same. "Oh they're really built and I'm not so why would they want to talk to me." Though I do think it's an ego booster to some when they see how many have viewed or buddy/hot listed them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:38 AM GMT
    OW, if you're also an Enneagram type 4, then we are absolutely brothers with different mothers. ;)

    I'm OK with others knowing I have visited their profiles, though. I'm curiously ENFP that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 5:42 AM GMT
    I don't know my enneagram type. My Tuesday night group is bugging me to work with their enneagrams. They've been passing around a book.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 6:02 AM GMT
    OW you introverted?!? I guess there are surprises every day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 8:05 AM GMT
    I've made lots of good friends on this site. Someday, I hope to get to meet them all face to face.

    I have to tell you all that I've gotten so much support and encouragement from everyone on this site (except one), that I just can't believe it. Consider this a hug for all of you who have enriched my life.

    Steve
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:08 PM GMT
    "OW you introverted?!? I guess there are surprises every day."

    The internet is ideal for an introvert. When you get tired of being social, you can just click off. But online people who've met me are almost always surprised that I'm extremely quiet in person, until I've gotten to know someone well. The same is true of people who know my real-life writing before meeting me.

    This was a huge issue with me and employers. Since I ran magazines, I was expected to have a media "presence," doing appearances, etc., and I refused. It is a contradiction. My skills have tended to put me in limelight situations but generally I avoid the limelight like the plague.

    One of the reasons I left full-time work in media is the premium now placed on celebrity. I am probably too introverted, but I generally hate being in any situation where I'm expected to "perform."

    I'm sure other introverts know what I'm talking about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:13 PM GMT
    I would never have pegged you for performance anxiety. Well, there goes my fantasy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:19 PM GMT
    I also just pop open someone's profile when reading posts that they've made. Just gives me a bit more context sometimes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:28 PM GMT
    "I would never have pegged you for performance anxiety. Well, there goes my fantasy."

    I've always called myself a social introvert and a sexual extrovert.

    But insofar as performance anxiety before speaking, which I'm asked to do frequently, it's unbearable. I usually take a beta blocker.

    Once, at a queer studies conference, I was to read a paper that was a defense of sex in public places. (Don't get excited. It was a rhetorical exercise to show how vague the term "public space" is.)

    I stood up to read it and looked out across the sea of smiling young students, knowing I was about to shock them with my filthy imagination. I completely lost my voice for about 3 minutes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:42 PM GMT
    I can relate, OW. I have to get into a "zone" in order to effectively speak to a group of people -- even just team members in a staff meeting.

    I did want to point out, however, that the "I" in INFP does not necessarily imply shyness or aloofness. "E" types can also exhibit those characteristics. Rather, the E/I continuum speaks to how an individual becomes energized. If you go to a party tired, but come home wired, you probably have an "E" preference. The reverse is true for "I" types. Both have the capacity to be charming and socially engaging.

    I suppose we're completely off-topic, now, but I am enjoying the conversation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:45 PM GMT
    Yeah, I was gonna make the same point, Ruck. Introverts aren't "anti-social" necessarily. We just get "charged" by being alone, whereas an extrovert gets charged by being around others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 2:51 PM GMT
    Okay, fanstasy intact! You're my favorite octogenarian. When I fantasize about you, I'll just pretend you're mute.
  • vicguy

    Posts: 4

    Aug 01, 2007 5:15 PM GMT
    I quite often look at other guys' profiles and, as of yet, haven't contacted them because I don't have a picture and I feel I shouldn't email until I do. I just bought a digital camera so I guess I've got no excuse now. I think one of the things to remember is that the things people do and don't do reflect more about them than they do about you. Don't worry about it. It sounds like you are making some cyber-friends through this site; that's great.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 01, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    Like many here, I look at profiles when I read a post that captures my imagination or I am curious to know more about the person who wrote it. Of course, when see a picture of a clean shaven, smooth thin guy with a nice smile I DO read their profille and will often hot list them.
    If I think there is a chance they might like me or I simply want to compliment some aspect of their profile I will write.
    Most often they don't write back.

    === Ron in Los Angeles
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 6:15 PM GMT
    I'm an introvert, too. I am sitting here in my apartment with my cat on my lap, perfectly happy. I might move over to the other chair and read a book.

    I want to be famous, but I want to be like Brian Wilson, the genius that goes crazy behind the scenes without having to do any of the tours. Or Franz Kafka--and leave all my writings to some guy to publish when I'm dead. Which is a more likely scenario at my age.

    I love the name OW--so perfect for a sexual extrovert. Which reminds me of a Rodney Dangerfield joke: "I was kept up all night by a couple in the next room who were from Hawaii--all night long, Lou, OW! Lou, OW!"

    Maybe it works better if you hear it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 6:20 PM GMT
    INFJ - on the Meyers-Brigg I tested as a POLAR introvert.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 6:20 PM GMT
    scored I should say, wasn't a test.