I'm soooo sorry for your loss
I'm going to try to explain my greatest concern here and I hope it's not too much of a roundabout way, but if you can bare with me.
There have been a lot of problems in my mothers family. Although my mother managed to break the cycle in our branch, I have seen drugs, divorce, severe emotional problems, prison, murder - crazy issues that run the gamut among my cousins. We've often joked that someone should write an epic novel or start a soap opera about our family - because no one would believe it was all real.
As a genealogist I was convinced that SOMETHING must have been the catalyst to start this ripple effect of fuckedupedness in my family. I went searching and found that it all started with my 2nd great-grandfather who committed suicide in 1929 and his father who committed suicide in 1899. Their suicides were highly publicized in San Francisco, being that they were members of the society set, and their suicide notes were even published in the paper. I conducted in depth research on both of them, learning every little detail that I could about every moment of their lives - every bit that was possible to find. I found a lot of reasons WHY they did it. The knowledge did help (a little) my family members that were alive in 1929 and directly effected by the suicides - but in the end, none of it really mattered.
What really matters, and what I hope you will try to avoid, is that these tragedies continued to effect my family a century after they happened. Even after people had forgotten about them all together. Please do not let this happen to you and your family. Remember the good times, grieve for the loss, realize that there is nothing that you could have done and that it is no ones fault. There is nothing wrong with trying to find answers, but try not to become obsessed with it. Try to move on and love whom you have around you now, they are the most important thing.
With love and hugs to you - Dale