Is there a difference between being rejected online and being rejected in person?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 08, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    This is my first post in this forum, but this topic is something that I have been contemplating about for quite some time. So my question to all you is: is there an actual difference between being rejected, or have the fear of rejection, online versus being rejected, or having that fear of rejection, in person? From my standpoint, the emotions and psychosomatic responses are the same from either situation or point of view.

    I am guilty of this and I'm sure that some of you are too. I tend to cruise this site very frequently and see all of these beautiful men and when I visit each and every one of their profiles, I usually don't send any form of introduction or give an indication of an attempt to foster a connection. This is where my fear of rejection comes into play. Or could it be that I am trying way too hard to get attention and notoriety? This connection could range from platonic to a romantic relationship or to just a good "roll in the hay". I personally just enjoy meeting new people and having a great conversation.

    I also believe that my introvert nature and social phobia could be some major contributing factors. But I am sure if you're reading this that you know exactly what I am talking about. So feel free to put some of my worries and doubts to rest...hand me to coffin nails, would ya?!

    Thank you for your attention (no matter what degree) to this matter. I felt that I had to put this out there--somebody had to do it!
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Mar 08, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    I don`t take online rejection very personally. It helps to keep in mind that they`re not actually rejecting you- they`re rejecting some two-dimensional, totally unformed conception of you that probably bears little resemblance to who you actually are IRL. Even if it`s just your pics that they`re rejecting, don`t forget, your physical appearance is only a portion (granted, a large one) of what makes a person sexy in real life. I bet there are plenty of guys with great pics on here that I drool over, but if I were to see at a club, I wouldn`t touch with a ten-foot-pole. The opposite goes as well- who knows how many guys you`d be majorly attracted to if you met face to face, but wouldn`t actually know that based on a picture?
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Mar 09, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    Well the most major difference in my opinion is the fact of a physical presence. I have a super crazy/paranoid imagination that has somehow led me to believe that if I ask a guy out/make a move on and get rejected I'd also get the tarnations beaten out of me. And lets be honest here, I'm not the roughest guy out there, so I'm sure it COULD happen. Though this outcome is probably more reasonable when you DON'T know a guy's sexual orientation rather when the guy's part of 'the family'. Other than that, the second difference is that there's also a possibility of being rejected in public(with an audience) which most people wouldn't enjoy (I say most, because there's gotta be a kink for that right?).
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 09, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    Don't take online rejection personally... what the heck do they know about you, they are making a judgement about you based on a comment, a picture or a set of facts... they know nothing more (and may not even know that much).

    But use your sensitivity in potential judgement situations about others as well. Treat others as you would like to be treated....it does come around, so to speak.......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    sideways2134 saidOr could it be that I am trying way too hard to get attention and notoriety?


    This.

    But if it makes you feel better, I visited your site. So you win. icon_wink.gif
  • Teqkilla42

    Posts: 338

    Mar 09, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    I feel like I don't get rejected online, I just get ignored. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    DesireIron saidSeriously, dude, were you smoking something when you wrote that. That's is some serious drivel.

    Hmmmm...this coming from a guy who wrote 2 sentences with incorrect punctuations and grammatical errors. You're funny.

    ETA: Guess he found the error of his ways. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    No difference, just all the same shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    JayPride42 saidI feel like I don't get rejected online, I just get ignored. icon_lol.gif


    Its all the same thing. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Trepeat saidI don`t take online rejection very personally. It helps to keep in mind that they`re not actually rejecting you- they`re rejecting some two-dimensional, totally unformed conception of you that probably bears little resemblance to who you actually are IRL. Even if it`s just your pics that they`re rejecting, don`t forget, your physical appearance is only a portion (granted, a large one) of what makes a person sexy in real life. I bet there are plenty of guys with great pics on here that I drool over, but if I were to see at a club, I wouldn`t touch with a ten-foot-pole. The opposite goes as well- who knows how many guys you`d be majorly attracted to if you met face to face, but wouldn`t actually know that based on a picture?


    Just shows how shallow people are. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    no difference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    the thing about online is that its easy to not see these profiles as *people* but as 2-dimensional pictures. combined with the ADHD elements on the internet, people treat online profiles as easily disposable.

    so i agree with you. thats why whenever someone sends me a compliment, a like, or whatever, i always try to at least acknowledge it in a personal way, even if i'm not interested in them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Rejection hurts online or in real time.
    Although online, you can kinda get over it faster. If somebody who knows very little about you rejects you, it's dismissable; You allow certain parts of yourself that you feel comfortable sharing online, and people judge on that. If they don't like it, that's okay, because their opinion of you is half based.
    An upfront personal rejection I think is more hurtful, because that person, I assume, took the time to know you and therefore fully base their assumptions about you. I say assumptions, because even then, no one can ever really know you unless you're confident and strong enough to fully REVEAL Yourself, and still not get affected by that person's judgement.
    Either way you get over it, and you move on. The opinions you have about Yourself is what's Really important anyways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    Online on the face of it seems harder to me because you don't have the non-verbals and other cues that can guide an in-person interaction.

    On the other hand, I think you have to approach this and any other social site with a massive grain of salt. After all, we can't really know why another person is here and what they want to get out of this or any other site just by looking at pictures and profiles (not necessarily anyway).

    So why take any unreciprocated attempts to contact someone else as "rejection", when you can't possibly know another person's motivation?

    So my advice to the OP is to message whomever you like, and keep your expectations low. After all, you can't get a "yes" if you never ask the question. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    If it's a rejection from some guy who just doesn't respond to a message you send to introduce yourself or whatever then that's no big deal - same in person. It really depends on how intimate and personal you get with someone.
    Like if you take the time to get to know someone online for months via chat and skype then that person really does become real. You two know each other on a pretty intimate level (mentally) I would think - depending on how honest you are with each other. In that case, if a guy rejects you then yes that would hurt too. At least it would for me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    I only joined up yesterday, and I am already thinking about deleting my account because of this stuff. Two people on here were rude and patronising to me, and If I see it happen to me again, I will just do that. (delete my account.)
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 09, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Don't take casual rejection personally. The person doesn't know you, how could it be personal. This is true whether it's in person or online.

    The additional bit about "online" rejection is realizing that many of the social norms that apply to physical interactions just don't apply to online interactions. One of the reasons for this being that there is no ceiling on the number of interactions between people. At a party there's a limit to how many people can bother you, just based on space and bodies. Online you can lose a ridiculous amount of time to the limitless number of electronic persons. As such people tend to have a higher barrier online and are less cordial in their rejections. T'ain't personal.



    Aaaaaand:
    "The fool cries over the one who says 'No'."
    "The wise man worries not about the nine who say 'No", and celebrates the one who says 'Yes'."
    icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidIf it's a rejection from some guy who just doesn't respond to a message you send to introduce yourself or whatever then that's no big deal - same in person. It really depends on how intimate and personal you get with someone.
    Like if you take the time to get to know someone online for months via chat and skype then that person really does become real. You two know each other on a pretty intimate level (mentally) I would think - depending on how honest you are with each other. In that case, if a guy rejects you then yes that would hurt too. At least it would for me
    I agree with this - it's different if you do have a lot of time invested with another person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    Of course.

    First, lets be honest, you would never hit on most of the guys online in real life. Its a very artificial argument and because you are behind a computer screen, there is a less of a risk.

    And what does someone know of you based on your profile and pictures. Not much, just a snap shot. So the rejection cannot be taken as harsh since its based on so little.

    Regardless, rejection in life while unpleasant is actually healthy and good for you. It teaches you what to look for, what not to, whats important and sometimes saves you from a much worse experience later on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    Either way, it's their loss.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    The only difference is how you choose to deal with it. Other then that I'd say they are about even. One is just less personal than the other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    IMO most don't reject they just ignore. I personally would rather someone just say sorry I'm not feeling you. Sorry no connection. In real life guys will go out with you and just blow you off the next day because they lack the balls to just say they aren't interested. I had coffee with a guy last year he really liked me allot but I just felt no connection. He said he wanted to see me again. I touched his hand and said you are a very sweet man but i don't want to led you on. But I just don't feel a romantic connection. After that we became friends and hung out a few times. imo that's the proper why to reject someone.
    Some guys will pretend they are interested pretend there's a chance for a second date. Go home block you on whatever site they met you on, block your text block your phone number or won't answer at all. imo those types have no business dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:44 PM GMT
    atljoe74 said
    Some guys will pretend they are interested pretend there's a chance for a second date. Go home block you on whatever site they met you on, block your text block your phone number or won't answer at all. imo those types have no business dating.
    Some guys are just plain douches. Yes getting ignored sucks. But I remind myself that no response is a response. Which is why I don't chase after anyone. I make my intentions known and the other person needs to be adult enough to reciprocate or I'll take the answer as a 'no'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    I met this one guy we went out spent 4 hrs together. He was like oh Joe I just love your eye's love your teeth this is so great can't wait to see you again. my birthdays tomorrow can't do anything but text me in a few days I really want to get together again. Bull shit. soon as he left my place I was blocked. why go out of the way and say all that shit.. I get it if you go out there's no chemistry and they just never return a text or call. I agree that means not interested. but my issue is going out of the way to tell a bunch of lies..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    atljoe74 said. but my issue is going out of the way to tell a bunch of lies..
    yea I dont get assholes like that. Never really happened to me but I've heard of it too often. Even if a person doesn't want to say outright they aren't interested because they may feel it is too rude or whatever, there still are subtle ways of sending the message. Leading someone on with a pack of lies is really low.