Seriously?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    Why are some people so content on changing a persons likes and or dislikes?

    I don't understand this at all. I have my likes and dislikes and I sometimes come across people who try and change those things. I know I am not going to change the things I like to do and substitute in things I don't like to do. I am willing to compromise but I am not going to completely cut out those things that I like to do. Then when I flip the situation around (asking them to change their likes and dislikes) all of a sudden I am being unreasonable icon_confused.gif

    Some people I have come across want me to change the music I listen to, change the places I go to, change the people I hang around with and damn near revolve my entire schedule around them. That's not going to happen.

    I've had people go as far as to tell me stuff like "you don't care about me/us" because I don't want to go to some concert with some artist that I really don't want to see.

    I've had people say really stupid things like "well my ex liked to do (whatever thing)"
    Really? Bringing up an ex is going to make this better? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Then when I invite them to do something and they don't want to do it, and I go anyway without them, they get mad that I didn't stay in with them. icon_confused.gif

    TL;DR - Me Ranting

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    The issue may not be about changing you; it may simply be about spending more time with you. When you don't want to do something because you dislike it, the other person may think that you simply don't want to spend time with him/her. Next time, try suggesting something you both like. That way, the onus is on them and they won't feel rejected.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    It might be that they just want to spend more time with you while also doing something they enjoy but then when it's turned the other way they don't want to do the same for you.

    Maybe, it could also be that they're trying to introduce you to new things that they like and hope that you like it too. But if there's no return from the other person, as in, they don't want to try the things you want them to do that they don't like then I say screw them. Being upfront about your likes and dislikes should make it clear to them, I mean, you wouldn't say you dislike something for no reason so they just have to understand where you're coming from.

    You're not at fault from what I read in the first post, so I guess the only thing that can work is trying to communicate your logic to the person better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    Frack'um

    de-friend them.

    Wait...is this a top/bottom thing?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    LOL!

    FUCK THEM!

    That's why they have an EX!!!
    Love me for who I am!
    I sure as hell am not interested in being you next EX!
    icon_biggrin.gif

    The OP is TOO HOT to have to put up with that type of SHIT!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    sweetyork saidThe issue may not be about changing you; it may simply be about spending more time with you. When you don't want to do something because you dislike it, the other person may think that you simply don't want to spend time with him/her. Next time, try suggesting something you both like. That way, the onus is on them and they won't feel rejected.


    Dont get me wrong, its not that there isnt a middle ground. I am more focused on they want to do something, I dont want to do it, now there is some sort of problem.

    But when its the other way around, I want to do something, they dont want to, there is no issue.........unless I go and do it anyway, in which case it turns into a "you dont want to spend time with me" thing. When in actuality, they were invited to something where we could spend time together, but they didn't want to go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    @MarkRoger

    I agree

    @JP

    lol

    @Sporty

    I agree

    @dustin

    Isnt it obvious? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Claystation saidWhy are some people so content on changing a persons likes and or dislikes?
    Because some people like stupid things, and dislike normal things, so they should change their ways or risk spending eternity with the biggest flamer of all...SATAN!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidBecause some people like stupid things, and dislike normal things, so they should change their ways or risk spending eternity with the biggest flamer of all...SATAN!


    SATAN is hawt

    tim_as_darkness.jpg

    I'm jus sayin
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    Well tell them that your offer to do what you want is a way to spend time with each other and also get to know you better by doing something that you really like. If they turn that explanation down then that person clearly doesn't give a damn about you on a personal level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Oh mannnnnn...

    I would've posted something like this when I was about 19-20. Bout 3 years ago, but I've sorta gained the serenity to accept that some people are just gonna nag. It's alright, Clay. Shrug it officon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    I think everyone has to deal with this. I've never been able to come up with a good strategy for dealing with it because everyone is different. With some people, it's a no-win situation. They won't stop until you are a clone of them.

    People seem to have tunnel vision. They can't comprehend why everyone doesn't like what they like or do what they do. Just look at how many topics get started here about that on RJ. Why do people like to wrestle? Why do people like masc. vs. fem.? Why do people like Lady Gaga instead of Madonna? Why do people like hiking? Why do people dress like they do?

    I was probably like that for a long time too. It took me a while to realize how subjective people's likes and dislikes are. We form our opinions based on our experiences, our upbringing, and even our biology. There isn't much use in trying to change it. Unless it's hurting someone, like a bias or prejudice, there really isn't any need to change it anyway.

    It's difficult sometimes to know where the line is between compromising for the sake of being with someone and losing yourself in a relationship. I'm usually an easy-going guy (cliche alert). I'll do a lot of different things because I'm usually more interested in who I'm with instead of where I am or what I'm doing. There are times, though, when I have to speak up and say that I'm not enjoying myself. That's when the criticism starts, which completely overlooks the fact that I've been compromising in a lot of areas already.

    Feel free to rant anytime. We all need to let off some steam now and again. It would be nice if there were definite solutions to problems like these, but there aren't. Humans are complex creatures, and I don't know if anyone will every fully figure out why we do what we do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidOh mannnnnn...

    I would've posted something like this when I was about 19-20. Bout 3 years ago, but I've sorta gained the serenity to accept that some people are just gonna nag. It's alright, Clay. Shrug it officon_surprised.gif


    It only makes me wonder, I don't stress out over something like this. But when it happens I just think to myself. Here we go again.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said(a whole bunch of truth)


    I hear that. I just wonder how someone could be so bent out of shape or take it to such a dramatic level that I don't want to do something they want or like something they like.

    Or somehow the relationship is going through a "tough time" because we don't have the same likes and pastimes. We don't have to be attached at the hip.

    Oh and apparently you dumped me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 7:16 AM GMT
    Claystation saidI hear that. I just wonder how someone could be so bent out of shape or take it to such a dramatic level that I don't want to do something they want or like something they like.

    Or somehow the relationship is going through a "tough time" because we don't have the same likes and pastimes. We don't have to be attached at the hip.

    Oh and apparently you dumped me?


    It's almost like they never grew out of junior high school. If you don't like exactly the same things, then you can't be together. Life doesn't work like that. Frankly, it would be boring if it did.

    I'm one of the last people that should be giving relationship advice, but I think it's healthy if people in a relationship have different interests. Maybe it's because I'm more of an introvert, but I like to spend some time alone doing my own thing. If I was joined at the hip to someone 24/7/365, I'd go insane, no matter how much I loved them. I need time to clear my head and work through my own thoughts. I also need to be able to enjoy the things I enjoy without having to explain or justify them to anybody.

    On the flip side of that, if I didn't do much with my boyfriend, then we'd just be FBs, and that's something that doesn't interest me. I think finding the right balance between being together and being apart can be tricky. Different levels of togetherness work for different people. Finding the right match is what dating is all about, I guess.

    And for the record, you dumped me, not that anyone could blame you. I guess the joke doesn't work that way, so it had to be switched around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Control_freak.
    ...a person who attempts to dictate how everything around them is done — "a control freak. Scared to let us have differences"...
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 09, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Seems a bit needy or insecure if you ask me. The other party I mean.

    I need in a relationship to have my alone time, do my own thing. I have some very, very specific interests that I don't expect anyone to share my fascination with. If they do, that's awesome, but I've kind of assumed that I would always do these activities alone, and am fine with that.

    Just because my partner wouldn't share my interest in tropical fish, it wouldn't mean they didn't love me. As long as they respect my interest in it, that's all I need. I would also respect their right to have other interests too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    dancedancekj saidJust because my partner wouldn't share my interest in tropical fish, it wouldn't mean they didn't love me. As long as they respect my interest in it, that's all I need. I would also respect their right to have other interests too.
    This is exactly why I appreciate the guy I'm seeing so much. He respects my hobbies/interests and I respect his and I'm trying to learn more about his pastimes so I can try to appreciate them as much he does.


    Damn...I need a new boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:35 PM GMT

    Nobody ever tries to change me. icon_sad.gif

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 09, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    dancedancekj saidJust because my partner wouldn't share my interest in tropical fish, it wouldn't mean they didn't love me. As long as they respect my interest in it, that's all I need. I would also respect their right to have other interests too.
    This is exactly why I appreciate the guy I'm seeing so much. He respects my hobbies/interests and I respect his and I'm trying to learn more about his pastimes so I can try to appreciate them as much he does.


    That's also what I love about relationships - the interests, passions and hobbies of the other person are something that I can learn to appreciate. In a sense, every guy I've dated has become a part of me, since I learned something or gained an appreciation for something through the time we spent together. I like to think it makes me a more well-rounded person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    credo said
    Nobody ever tries to change me. icon_sad.gif



    You bite to hard
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Mar 09, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    A Leopard never changes it's spots so go with it or get out?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    credo said
    Nobody ever tries to change me. icon_sad.gif



    You bite to hard


    True.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 09, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I tend to be agreeable and will go with the flow with quite a few events, movies, music, etc. But the few times I don't want to do it or do something else, it's usually major freak out time on their part. I'm starting to wonder if it's just because I'm so malleable most of the time. Possibly in your case it's the same thing.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Mar 09, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    Claystation saidWhy are some people so content on changing a persons likes and or dislikes?


    You mean "intent"?

    grammar.jpg