Would You Move Away for Happiness.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    So I am from Alabama (Mobile/Prichard) and I feel like no matter how much time passes things will never change here. People are still racist so homophobia is surely alive in well. I am not exactly a club person so I don't know any other way to meet other gay people and the type of neighborhood I am from...let's just say I don't want everyone Tony, Dequan, and Hushan to know.

    I am out to family but I would be too afraid to go around in public with my boyfriend in Alabama where I live. It's almost a license to get hurt. Then being black and gay ....O_O, talk about harsh. I dealt with alot of stuff, and when I think about my future (im 22) I wonder why stay here.

    If gay marriage and stuff ever does become legal I will be to old and senile to know what that means. So if you were in my shoes would you move away to a more gay friendly place.

    I am from the hood/projects, so I feel i cannot even wear a rainbow bracelet.

    Now don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed of my sexuality and my family knows. Even though I was tortured for years,but they came around...for the most part but for my own safety and well being I keep my sexuality either a distant subject or hidden from strangers,

    and I don't think I would want to meet my life partner at a club which is the only place in Al i know gay people will be.

    I just don't know what to do. I want to get married and be able to not be afraid of me and my guy getting shot or whatever. I wan;t to live in a less racist/homophobic enviornment. A place where people are more progressed. I know no place is perfect, but I feel like if I move away I may have a fighting chance.

    So is it weird to feel like my only option is to leave.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    Moving away for happiness? Thats what im doing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:19 PM GMT
    Would, and did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Humans have been moving away for the pursuit of happiness for as long as there have been humans. Its probably 10s or 100s of millions of people per year. You're in good company.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:54 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidSo I am from Alabama (Mobile/Prichard)


    Move. 100%
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Mar 09, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Gays have been moving to more gay friendly places for centuries. If I lived in the projects in Alabama I would get my ass out of there NOW! Seriously, it's just a matter of safety because sooner or later someone outside of our family is going to find out. And if you want to meet gay people outside of a bar, and there is no other obvious place - get involved in the local theater. You are bound to find a few there. Like always. You don't have to have a talent, could just volunteer for backstage work and meet new people.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Not weird at all.
    I know living in a more open/excepting area did wonders for me and not just my sex life. It gave me the strength to live were I live now openly.
    Having come out to your family at such a young age, tells me you're already pretty strong, so making a plan, setting a goal, should be easy for you.
    Do it.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    I would do it. Besides, if it doesn't work out you could always move back.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Mar 09, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    Making plans to do so myself

    Social and political changes takes a very long time. I would at the very least start making a strategy to move some place a bit more metropolitan and accepting.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    I moved from a place where gays are accepted to a place where gays are even more accepted just because I felt I deserved as much freedom to be myself as possible. I say go for it, but don't do it hastily. I had a plan before my move and that made it easier.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    Moved away and found happiness. But, came back for love. Love didn't work out, but I learned to find happiness wherever I am. Worth it.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    For the record, I live in Slovenia, which is more progressive than Alabama (some guys are even openly gay and seem happy, I don't know how they do it, but it seems they just do), but I STILL want to move to a (gay-)friendlier place and it means that I'll have to speak a foreign language (like English) fluently.

    English is your native language AND distances seem smaller to Americans AND you live in a more homophobic environment.
    It seem to me the benefits of moving would justify the price for you. You just have to find the optimal location, plan the move and do it.

    Stay sharp and best regards,
    Simon
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    Moving away for happiness ,then please do so. Proceed with a life thats fulfilling for you.

    well wishes icon_smile.gif
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Mar 09, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    thats what i am doing now.. got my medical results yesterday and gonna send my application by the next week , i just hope the embassy accepts my application .. i am going on a study visa..

    dude my situation is worse than yours, at least u have gay bars , here in kuwait where i work nothing called gay is even exists here and if i stay here forever i wouldnt meet a guy whole my life.

    GO FOR IT. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Mar 09, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    Mr_Rat saidFor the record, I live in Slovenia, which is more progressive than Alabama (some guys are even openly gay and seem happy, I don't know how they do it, but it seems they just do), but I STILL want to move to a (gay-)friendlier place and it means that I'll have to speak a foreign language (like English) fluently.

    English is your native language AND distances seem smaller to Americans AND you live in a more homophobic environment.
    It seem to me the benefits of moving would justify the price for you. You just have to find the optimal location, plan the move and do it.

    Stay sharp and best regards,
    Simon


    Hmmm, you're making a lot of assumptions there about Americans, lol. I wouldn't say I live in a homophobic environment at all here in California. It all depends on where you are - and the US is pretty damn big place. Distances seem smaller... hmm... that could be actually, I do see what you mean there. But again, depends on the person and usually their economic level. If you don't have money moving to another nearby larger city could seem like light-years away, but to others a weekend trip to Brazil would be nothing.

    Anyway - just rambling. You should come to the US, we LOVE accents!! icon_twisted.gif And your English is fantastic by the way.
  • HollywoodHist...

    Posts: 403

    Mar 09, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    kemoze saidthats what i am doing now.. got my medical results yesterday and gonna send my application by the next week , i just hope the embassy accepts my application .. i am going on a study visa..

    dude my situation is worse than yours, at least u have gay bars , here in kuwait where i work nothing called gay is even exists here and if i stay here forever i wouldnt meet a guy whole my life.

    GO FOR IT. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE.


    Wow, moving from Kuwait!! Congrats and good luck on your journey! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 09, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    I am scared though.

    I mean moving away from everything and everyone I know just for a CHANCE at happiness.

    Im torn , it has always been my dream to start over, but at the same time...all my family and friends live here.

    Id be all alone
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    flee! flee my child!! There's nothing wrong with moving away from a dangerous, negative environment. I thought this was more a question of "Do i move to his city to live with him" . If you're just moving to get away from a bad environment there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I suspect though, that you have a reason for not just up and doing it. Family ties perhaps? I'll be straight. If they've come to accept you for who you are and are not completely oblivious to the social politics of where they live then they will understand if you want to move away.

    EDIT: i see now that i was correct. You have to take that first step. I'm still trying to take it, excuses aside.
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    you sound miserable... get out
    RUN
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Mar 09, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    jbinchlt saidyou sound miserable... get out
    RUN


    +1

    You are right, if you move you will only be increasing your chances to be happy - but you won't have to on your guard 24/7, be more comfortable about being out. That'll take a lot of stress off of you.

    You'll still have to be able to "choose" or be "open" to being happy - all that stuff that's in you're own head and that you're responsible for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    Ew you live in Alabama, get the fuck out of there.
  • Ritournelle

    Posts: 134

    Mar 09, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    I can't comprehend when people never leave where they're born. I've lived in four cities since graduating high school, and plan on at least three more. As for Alabama, well I like Mobile ok, but the economy is stagnant, and past a certain age, the reasons start stacking up against leaving. Loneliness is just the nature of the beast. For whatever reason I've always found that it takes about 9 months to get a comfortable group of friends unless it's a university situation where everyone else is new.
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    This is a no brainer. MOVE! You can return home to visit family periodocally. Because I didn't do it, I wholeheartedly recommend young people (gay or straight) moving away from family (whether functional or dysfunctional) as soon as they are financially able to do so. The growth experience is invaluable. Living within 30 minutes of family my entire life has been crippling.
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI am scared though.

    I mean moving away from everything and everyone I know just for a CHANCE at happiness.

    Im torn , it has always been my dream to start over, but at the same time...all my family and friends live here.

    Id be all alone


    Change is always scary. And nearly everyone is afraid of change. As far as being all alone, I don't think so; you probably need to work so you will make friends there. Also there seems to be RJs all over the map and I don't know about the rest of the guys here but I feel a bit of comradarie among its members and I'm sure no matter where you move you will more than likely find fellow RJers to befriend.

    Good luck!
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    Mar 09, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWould, and did.


    I can't stand my place, and 4 months ago i live for 1 year and a half in vancouver.

    i did everything to get the heck out from here ...

    I quited school without letting my parents notice, saved all my tuition money for 6 months, worked giving private english classes to elementary school kids 10$ an hour.
    Run marathons to try to win them but never did hahahaha but it kept me fit.
    Didnt went out to clubs and stop hanging out with my friends to save as much money and worked out at home.

    VANCOUVER WAS THE PLACE I WANTED TO GO CAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY PLACE I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO ON A WORKING HOLIDAY EXPERIENCE.

    I can't deal with the real fact i am back here again, and look at my place like it froze in time and nothing had changed, the prejudge culture in here is a daily base thing, gold digers are everywhere, being gay is so ""insulting"" and so not ""correct"", you can lose your job if coworkers find out, and the place itself and how expensive is to reach good education melts dow all your good will to reach or achieve waht you dream.

    EVEN THO I FOUND OUT A WAY TO GET AWAY FROM HERE ... AND I WILL DO IT SOON

    SO YES!!!! YOU CAN AND ITS A MATTER OF PROJECTING YOUR SELF WHERE YOU WANN BE AND THING ABOUT IT EVERY SECOND if you want it bad its gonna come true!