My partner is not physically attracted to me after I lost weight...

  • robbor

    Posts: 3

    Mar 09, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    I'm madly in love with this guy. And right now, I'm so confused.

    We have been together for just over a year. 6 months ago, I decided to get healthy and lose some weight. In September of 2011, I weighed in at 318lbs. Fast forward 5 months to the beginning of February, and I weigh 238lbs. I lost 80lbs in less than 5 months.

    My partner is extremely attracted to "fat" men. I always knew this, but I didn't realize to what extreme. Over the past 2 or 3 months, he has been experiencing difficulty with maintaining and sometimes, even getting, an erection. He has seen his doctor (by the way, he's 48, I'm 36) and was told that he is suffering my erectile disfunction and is presently discussing treatment options. However, last night, in bed, he told me that his inability to get an erection is because of me. He is not physically attracted to me any more due to the weight loss.

    Is this normal? Is there a way to work on this without me gaining back 80lbs? I love him so much, but I can't compromise my health and my own happiness because of his inability to see me for who I am on the inside. Can I?

    Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    I'm willing to try anything at this point, so is he. He suggested an open relationship so that he could have sex with a "fat" man but emotionally still be connected to me and still come home to me every night. That is not an option for me.

    Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    What it means is he was only attracted to the fat in the first place... dtmfa (dump the mother fucker already)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 09, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Get a blow up doll for him for those special nights....

    LOL

    Sorry, just had to say that. While I don't share his sexual interests, his
    should be respected (and that doesn't mean you gain a bunch of weight).
    I think you should focus on communication. Bringing in a 3rd can have a host of problems. Try and work it out... but DON'T gain weight back.. you have your own health to consider (and good job btw).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    robbor saidI can't compromise my health and my own happiness because of his inability to see me for who I am on the inside.


    There's your answer buddy.
  • kiwi_nomad

    Posts: 316

    Mar 09, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    is this the same guy who wanted an open relationship?

    it's the same author as this post - http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2091547/

    sock account yeah?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    You know what. If he's only attracted to you because of the the way you look..... DITCH HIM. Don't you dare put weight back on. No man is worth the sacrifice you'd be making to your health.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    guyfromnz saidis this the same guy who wanted an open relationship?

    it's the same author as this post - http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2091547/

    sock account yeah?



    Most definitely trololololing.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    If you loved him, you would put the weight back on. Very selfish.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    No pics, not a real poster. Not worth our time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIf you loved him, you would put the weight back on. Very selfish.



    definitely!

    DONUTS NOW STAT!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    DJBoston said
    guyfromnz saidis this the same guy who wanted an open relationship?

    it's the same author as this post - http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2091547/

    sock account yeah?



    Most definitely trololololing.





    I'd have to agree, the two posts read remarkably similar in word choices and style as they have with many previous posts.. I was thinking I was the only person who noticed it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    robbor saidI'm madly in love with this guy. And right now, I'm so confused.

    We have been together for just over a year. 6 months ago, I decided to get healthy and lose some weight. In September of 2011, I weighed in at 318lbs. Fast forward 5 months to the beginning of February, and I weigh 238lbs. I lost 80lbs in less than 5 months.

    My partner is extremely attracted to "fat" men. I always knew this, but I didn't realize to what extreme. Over the past 2 or 3 months, he has been experiencing difficulty with maintaining and sometimes, even getting, an erection. He has seen his doctor (by the way, he's 48, I'm 36) and was told that he is suffering my erectile disfunction and is presently discussing treatment options. However, last night, in bed, he told me that his inability to get an erection is because of me. He is not physically attracted to me any more due to the weight loss.

    Is this normal? Is there a way to work on this without me gaining back 80lbs? I love him so much, but I can't compromise my health and my own happiness because of his inability to see me for who I am on the inside. Can I?

    Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    I'm willing to try anything at this point, so is he. He suggested an open relationship so that he could have sex with a "fat" man but emotionally still be connected to me and still come home to me every night. That is not an option for me.

    Thank you.


    x
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Mar 09, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    How can anybody be attracted to fat people??? Bleh!!!
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Mar 09, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    How did you let your self become such a fatty in the first place?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Mar 09, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    It's kinda hard for me to believe you didn't know your bf would react this way....
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Mar 09, 2012 4:38 PM GMT

    A relationship based on a fetish is not a relationship. Just sayin'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    Dump his chubby-chasing ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    dump his ass. It's not fair to you, if he is attracted to you when your suffering.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    mybud saidIt's kinda hard for me to believe you didn't know your bf would react this way....


    Its quite possible he subconsciously knew that this might happen and was also, on some level, aware that his "bf" was only attracted to his fat. Therefore losing the weight, while a fantastic decision and great life choice, also presented the fringe benefit of breaking the relationship (or starting to) without him having to say or do anything else. Of course, his "bf" blaming his lack of game on his weight loss is awful and stupid and just proves what another member has already said. That a relationship based on a fetish is not a relationship. Just like one based on sex only isn't a relationship. I technically have a "fetish" for muscular guys, but i would never base a relationship on that and that alone.

    Some relationships last a few days, other a few months and some, if you're lucky, last for years to a lifetime. This relationship just happened to fall under the second category. Its not your fault. You did absolutely nothing wrong. But its time you move on from this guy. He is no longer attracted to you and nothing you do, save for gaining back the weight (which is an abominable idea), will rekindle that attraction. Let him find a new chub to chase and you keep working towards healthier living. Living healthy is about you after all. Not anybody else.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Mar 09, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    kill him. then eat him.

    that should keep you sufficiently busy and off RJ
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    Any relationship based on that sort of superficiality is fucking EMPTY.

    Your much better off with out him man if your weight loss is a deal breaker. Very very selfish of him to say that. He needs to put his fetish aside.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 09, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    Okay, I think these troll threads are just that, EXCEPT I like them way better than most of the member started threads. Take 'em as hypotheticals: still fun for discussion. icon_smile.gif

    The answer to your question, I imagine, is the similar to the traditional 'partner isn't attracted to me because I Iook different' question. BUT, getting fatter is not a healthy option. AND there's a slightly higher chance that his fetish may be rooted in less healthy psychology. Regardless, I'd suggest couples counciling. Open relationships are a big step. I love them, but you shouldn't go into one if you're not really willing to try. They're very hard for some people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    Put him on a starvation diet, then when he weighs about 100 pounds you'll look fat to him.

    Zzzzzzzzzzzziiiinnnnnggggggggggggggg! icon_wink.gif
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Mar 09, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    TerraFirma saidNo pics, not a real poster. Not worth our time.


    Well here's a real poster. If happens. It happened to me as well. I met the guy @ 350lbs. Once I got below 250lbs he started to get irritated with my "obsession with diet and working out." By the time I reached 190lbs, there physical side of our relationship was gone.

    We talked it out, and are still friends, but that is all. Part of the appeal for him is some insecurity on his part, if he finds a good guy that is overweight, he knows the competition pool is smaller. He could never get over the insecurity thing and before it turned to jealousy, we decided the friendship was better than a a fake romantic thing. We still love each other, we just realized we were not In Love with each other. I know a complete cliche.

    The funny thing is, he isn't the "Type" of guy that normally stops me in my track. I was attracted to him as a person. His attraction to me, helped my "self-worth" to the point I start loving myself enough to get back in shape and get healthy.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 09, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    Aquanerd said
    His attraction to me, helped my "self-worth" to the point I start loving myself enough to get back in shape and get healthy.


    That's really very ironic. (I don't mean that observation to be unsympathetic, it's actually very sad that he was fettered by his own insecurities but loving enough to help break down yours and lost you because of it... icon_cry.gif )