Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Mar 09, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
    Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.comaaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
  • rafiki87

    Posts: 331

    Mar 09, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    are these the effects of the no child left behind policy or just the sheer lack of imagination brought about by standardised testing?
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    Mar 09, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    LOL
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    Mar 09, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    Douglas AdamsThe Gorgon constructor ship hung in the air exactly the same way a brick doesn't
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 09, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    rafiki87 saidare these the effects of the no child left behind policy or just the sheer lack of imagination brought about by standardised testing?

    What are you talking about? I don't know if these were written by kids or not, but they're great. They're very creative in the way that kids should be, they're clearly playful and exploratory.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 09, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    Actually I think some are quite creative and prolific... as in 'her date was pleasant enough..."
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    hahahahahaha I found that kinda funny hahahaha
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Actually some were (I presume) unintentionally clever, in a dreadful sort of way. I liked:

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
    (Haven't we all had dates like that?)

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (Marvelous imagery, but then I have a weakness for tumbling underpants)
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    A friend who teaches basic writing at a community college sent me this excerpt of an email from a student who was not happy with the grade he received on an assignment:

    given my writen skills, i think this was a good try, i think i desert a A.
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidA friend who teaches basic writing at a community college sent me this excerpt of an email from a student who was not happy with the grade he received on an assignment:

    given my writen skills, i think this was a good try, i think i desert a A.

    He not only deserted an A, but also a B and and maybe a C, too. But he definitely owns a D.
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:21 PM GMT
    ClevelandTown saidA cherry would be applicable if he wrote, "dessert"

    I know, I was thought a double joke on word misuse would be funny, but after reading it, I realized it was too obtuse, and look like the joke was on me, so I deleted it. See above.
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    Mar 09, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    Those analogies are almost as funny as Sara Palin doing a standup comedy routine.
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Mar 09, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    I actually had a professor use they maggots in a frying pan analogy. It was quite effective. We did give her a hard time though
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    Mar 09, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThose analogies are almost as funny as Sara Palin doing a standup comedy routine.


    She is hilarious! She just doesn't know what people are laughing at
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    Mar 09, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    Still, kids today should be expected to ramp up the volume of writing assignments because word processors make it easy (compared to being a student in the 80's.)

    Props to Facebook and message boards to motivate kids to practice English comp for their peers and relatives to consume (and critique.)


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    Mar 09, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    LOL this post just made my day. So funny.
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    Mar 09, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    Hahahahahahaha! lolicon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 10, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    DesireIron said
    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    That sounds extremely Douglas Adams. The writer should be commended.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    This is my second favorite. The writer clearly has a great sense of humor.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    Love this one as well.

    It was at this point that I realized that either this list was a hoax or the supposed teacher was as humorless as a Nazi who won the "Nazi With the Worst Sense of Humor" at the Nazi Humor Awards.
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    Mar 10, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    I do have to admit that some of these were very creative and well written. I have three favorites. In fact the bowling ball analogy is visually striking. I also liked the "pleasant enough date"