Experimentation. Ruined Friendship Can I Get it Back

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    My dad dated a woman and she had a son who was a couple years older than me but still in the same age range just a couple years older. i think we were both preteens, but idk the exact age. I just know we were young. Old enough to remember but young enough for it to not mean anything.

    We use to play video games and stuff and he was my first friend I ever truly had and he was special to me, and he made me feel good since i was picked on as a kid. Some how we ended up always making out. It started with a kiss here and a peck there and then full on tongue and make out sessions, and when i would sleep over his house we would get naked and touch and feel each other and do ...other experimentation. We were young so I count it as just exploring our bodies.

    But now that we are grown...and I am gay and he is straight and has a kid and a baby mama. Its like he feels awkward around me which in turns makes me feel weird around him. I know he remembers it because...i mean we did stuff all the time (for years) and even though we were kids...we were super close.

    I dont like him like that even though he grew up to be sexy as hell, but he is straight and im wondering if he is weirded out because I am a reminder of what he did when he was young and if i make him question himself or if its just awkward because its awkard, but I want my friend back.

    He was my best one when I was a kid growing up and saved me from suicide and it sucks that now that we are in our twenties that every time we see each other he says hey and doesnt look me in the eye and walks away after 60 secs of weirdness.

    I know hes straight my gaydar is on point, and i want to talk about it but i fear not only would he deny it but he would (as a straight guy) be even more weirded out.

    I just want my bud back.
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    Mar 10, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    He's closeted and still has his true nature repressed to the point of homophobia.

    Leave him alone. His type is dangerous (both physically and emotionally).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    You really think he is closeted...
    icon_neutral.gif I never in a million years would have thought that.
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    Mar 10, 2012 8:19 PM GMT
    I would just tell him what you said here.

    How I'd handle it (with my impatience).

    "You're getting awkward around me right? Why is that?"

    if no answer just say "I am going to guess it's because of the shit we did when we were kids, right?"

    "Happens a lot with kids, playing around. Kind of like practicing with a friend to get a head start for when I started dating. Seems like a lifetime ago for me. I'm glad we did it but now I'm happy to keep it in the past. You feel the same?"
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    Mar 11, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    Hmm...not a bad idea.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Mar 11, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    nah just tell him brotha, its in the past and laugh.... he'll think about it later
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    Interesting.

    An almost identical scenario has been played out on RJ before. Oddly, they were both from the deep South as well.

    In THAT situation - I believe there were some sort of shenanigans after a High School prom as well.

    Probably the same advice that was offered to THOSE guys would probably work here. Move on. You can't re-create the past no matter how nice it may have seemed.

    Focus on the future and what you can gain instead of the past and what you think you have lost.
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:11 AM GMT
    I think he's just afraid his girl will see a closeness between you 2 and start putting him on the spot about it.
    The next time you're alone with him ask if he still wants to be friends or if he's paranoid about it.
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    If he's so straight chances are he doesn't want to talk about it or any of his feelings for that matter. I would go about it by doing your best to not be awkward around him even though he is around you. Just push through that weirdness and be cool and nice. If you do want to talk about it try joking a little, not about the sexual stuff but just the friendship. maybe call him out in a half joking manner like when he's acting weird you could half jokingly call him out on it "oh why you acting all strange, you know we are boys" or something stupid like that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 11, 2012 7:24 AM GMT
    I agree with Skinny that you should just be straightforward with him. I'd tell him how much your friendship meant as a kid, what he did for you (if you feel his support helped to avoid suicidal thoughts) and how much you appreciated it. That today
    you are happy with being gay, but you know he is straight and you don't see him
    in any other way except as a bud.

    To me the best thing that can happen is that things will improve.... the worst is that
    they will continue to be awkward (but they already are so).... Just be prepared in that he may not come around the way you want.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI agree with Skinny that you should just be straightforward with him. I'd tell him how much your friendship meant as a kid, what he did for you (if you feel his support helped to avoid suicidal thoughts) and how much you appreciated it. That today
    you are happy with being gay, but you know he is straight and you don't see him
    in any other way except as a bud.

    To me the best thing that can happen is that things will improve.... the worst is that
    they will continue to be awkward (but they already are so).... Just be prepared in that he may not come around the way you want.


    but we are African AMericans...gayness is a little different in our community, and I am not out to him..I am out, but I havent told him

    He is a gangster now..like he has killed a person in self defense, been to jail etc. I am kinda afraid he will freak out. just by me coming out to him, or something.

    Its hard to explain really.
    I just...i miss him, we had so much fun, and I was so alone before him, but like
    Cakelion said...if he is straight, he will probably die before admitting he and me messed around.

    I honestly think the smart thing would be to just forget about him...but its hard because I honestly don't know where I would be if it wasn't for his friendship. I just want him in my life.
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    Mar 12, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidHe is a gangster now..like he has killed a person in self defense, been to jail etc. I am kinda afraid he will freak out. just by me coming out to him, or something.


    Left out some important details, I think...
  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Mar 12, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI just want my bud back.


    You're adorable icon_neutral.gif

    Maybe the next time you're alone with him (if at all) you could just casually say something like "Man, what happened to us?" I did that once with a friend and we actually ended up sorting out our differences... though they were fairly different in nature to this, I guess.
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    Mar 14, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    I think i will say that, it's simple and nice but doesnt go into detail.

    Vague but to the point. I like it.