I Have No Friends Anymore

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    Mar 11, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    I just moved to a new city and I'm really miserable. I don't have any friends and I feel like I'm going crazy. I live in the suburbs and everything is so new to me. I just don't know how to make friends because I've only been friends with people through high school. I've just been staying home all the time and haven't had any human interaction. It's gotten so bad I've debated going to starbucks sitting down and smiling at random people that look good. I feel like such a loser. icon_redface.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    Your not a loser and you are very cute.

    It's normal to feel alone, but you gotta start somewhere. You start by working on making new friends. Like google places where people go to have fun or hangout. Gay or not and go there and be nice and introduce yourself.

    If you have a job or in school let people know you are new there and people tend to be nice and show you the ropes. You gotta make the effort. I mean people arent gonna go to your house and say

    "Hi are you new and looking for friends"

    You have to make the effort.

    Smiling and saying hey and going to speak...isnt a bad thing either.

    Go somewhere fun like a party, club or whatnot and ask someone to dance, or by them a drink..or something.

    You have to be social and friendly to have friends.

    And if you wanna talk u can be my buddy here haha =)
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    No clubs here lol. And I came to so close to asking my car hop to be my friend. This whole situation just freaks me out cause it's so weird. Like even if I talk to someone and connect it's not like they're gonna say hey lets hangout! It's just gonna be a good conversation with a stranger. Happens all the time.
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    Por siempre solo?
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Caius saidNo clubs here lol. And I came to so close to asking my car hop to be my friend. This whole situation just freaks me out cause it's so weird. Like even if I talk to someone and connect it's not like they're gonna say hey lets hangout! It's just gonna be a good conversation with a stranger. Happens all the time.


    But that is how it starts...

    Look I use to feel the same way, but when I started working for Verizon. I decided to let my personality show.

    I would have good convos with people, and ask them for their number and gave them mine. Bring up interest you like. Hell ill give you an example.

    ill be James..since my name is James.

    "Hey Jake"
    "Hi James wassup"
    me-"Nothing Much Jake just thinking about what movie im gonna see this weekend"

    Jake-" Oh, I wanna see that new scary movie"
    me-"I love scary movies, there is one coming out called Kill that bitch 3, you wanna go"
    Jake-SUre man...why not.
    me- ok give me yo number and ill call you...

    See and thats how it goes. You share interest if you have any and go from there and you find out interest by making a conversation, and u make conversation by going up and speaking.

    I kept doing it, and before I knew it I had a few friends who took me places I never been before and even though i quit working for Verizon i have good friends.

    There is something out there...but if you keep making excuses on why u cant make friends...then you wont. Stop saying, I cant, or i wont, and just try.

    Everyone could use new friends.
    Hell i even asked a few people upfront.
    You wanna be my friend...and they said

    umm...sure.

    haha.
    You have to make the effort.
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    Mar 11, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    Stand at the bus stop, you'll make several "special" friends.icon_lol.gif Believe me I did when I had a cast on for 3 months and couldn't drive.

    In all seriousness, you'll have to take a class or join a group. You'll be with others that share similar interests and things will start to evolve. I'm a total introvert and it works for me so it'll definitely work for you.
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:07 PM GMT
    hahahaah awwww. well you only just moved.. it usually takes months to a year to really get used to a new place and build up a social circle
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:13 PM GMT
    You should try my job. I'm always getting sent away to new places for several months at a time.

    And yeah, for the first few weeks of each new contract I always feel like shit till meeting new people.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    Wait, you're staying home all day and complaining you are in a new city and not making friends? Yeah, no sympathy.
    Anyone who has moved anywhere has been in your shoes. Get out, be social. Computers are the worst places to meet people. You are young and handsome, your new city must have galleries, outdoor markets, cinema, coffee shops, gyms, libraries, go for a stroll.
    Feeling sorry for yourself for a choice you made to move? Yeah, not going to work.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    OP: You are young and cute. Just get out! Even your Starbucks idea isnt bad! One thing is certainl_ you wont make real friends from being online.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    Try meetup.com for some platonic meetings and usually they have a homo oriented group

    Clubs are okay, but if you aren't a person who parties a lot they may not be your best bet.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 11, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    Well to start, ignore those above that are unnecessarily rude.. hey, you moved to a new city and its challenging. I would ask yourself, are you up to the challenge? Part of it is developing a good social circle. I dont' think you said if you are working or going to school or what?

    You know your interests. My suggestion would be to volunteer in healthy ways that make sense to you. If you like animals, volunteeer at a shelter or your local zoo. Don't know how "into the gay scene" you are, but asking questions through a local gay support organization can go a long way.. look that up through a local gay publication. If you don't what that is, call a gay club and ask what local publications they might have in house.
    If you opt for that route... do something that builds your self esteem, like
    volunteering to help Aids patents or helping through an orgaization that provides services.

    Not sure how much you are into working out at a gym, but I'd make inquiries.
    If you can't afford it, talk to them, maybe you can work out a swap or a reduced rate. Get involved there.

    Above all, start to develop some friendships on the side... healthy ones
    with people you can respect because of their views of life and the ways they live it.

    Don't hang out at home all the time. I like my home time, but it is a balance of so many things. A healthy life is about a balance... and you must work at it to be successful. Good luck.. and get with it!
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidWait, you're staying home all day and complaining you are in a new city and not making friends? Yeah, no sympathy.
    Anyone who has moved anywhere has been in your shoes. Get out, be social. Computers are the worst places to meet people. You are young and handsome, your new city must have galleries, outdoor markets, cinema, coffee shops, gyms, libraries, go for a stroll.
    Feeling sorry for yourself for a choice you made to move? Yeah, not going to work.


    Harsh response. Why does he need to know that you aren't sympathetic? There are some situations that warrant tough love... this isn't one of them. Why not just say, "yeah many of us have moved and know what you're going through. Fear keeps you inside your house but it also puts up a barrier. You should try walking around downtown and seeing what's out there.. Also try volunteering, taking classes, joining a class at the gym, search online for local groups that do things that you're interested in.... I would suggest that once he's 21, he should find a good bar to be his favorite hangout and make friends with the bartenders.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    I take what friends I can get at work. Until I get transportation of my own here. I'm in no rush to make friends. Those worthwhile things will come to me at the right time. Just have to weed through the bad apples first icon_neutral.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    I've been here in Atlanta a year and only have 1 friend and that's a female I met at hollywood tan. I think I'm going to join a gym next month not just for the workout but for the opportunity to be around more people
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    adam228 saidTry meetup.com for some platonic meetings and usually they have a homo oriented group

    Clubs are okay, but if you aren't a person who parties a lot they may not be your best bet.
    This. Right here.

    Nashville is a big town and they should have plenty of meet-up groups.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    Start smiling at random people that are not that hot.
    And you have us here,until you find some nice ones icon_wink.gif
  • Hard2hold

    Posts: 9

    Mar 11, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    Caius saidI just moved to a new city and I'm really miserable. I don't have any friends and I feel like I'm going crazy.


    I been there, dude. But as others have said, you've got to get out of the house and talk to people. It all starts there.

    Do you have a job? A lot of friends are made at work.
    Do you go to school? A lot of friends are made there.
    Do you have enough money to join a gym? Finding guys to work out with is a great start.

    Sitting at Starbucks and smiling at people is not a bad plan at all. Pick a regular table and a regular time to go.

    Don't be afraid to take risks, and talk to people. Don't fear rejection.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    I second the suggestion to volunteer at some kind of non-profit. I made tons of friends volunteering at a state park a few years ago and I didn't even set out with that goal in mind... I still see some of them around when I'm in town and say hi, catch up.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    volunteering in an organization/cause that means something to you could be a good way to meet someone who share your values or interests.
    Or join a sports club, choir, amateur theatre group or some other kind of club where people do things together.
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Mar 11, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    In my job I'm gone 4 days a week, and never home.. and recently had a massive breakup with my ex.. Most of our friends are closer to him since I'm never here.. but I'm starting to make new friends.. get out and meet people.. go to gay places, volunteer to help on something you like.. meet some people online and then meet in person for coffee.. you will make friends, but it will take some hard work and time.. just because you don't have friends doesn't mean you are not a great guy, not cute, etc... In the meantime, we're all here to chat when you get bored or lonely..
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    Just talk to people. It's that easy.

    I recently moved to a new area and am already friendly with many of my neighbors who have lived here for years yet have no idea who each other are.

    My neighbor across from me is probably 400 lbs easy and painfully shy. Drives his garbage cans up to the curb. Talks to no one. Nobody here knows him. Turns out he's a nice guy. I planted some Southern Magnolia's in his yard as a gift for him. I did the same for another neighbor. That person told me that nobody ever gave him a gift before. It was a small thing for me, but it was a huge thing for him.

    Another neighbor has a kid with cancer so I got the call from work when some Jehovah Witnesses scared the kid. Another neighbor just last week had me on standby to take him to the airport to fly off for his new kidney. Another neighbor recently invited me to her Tai Chi classes and invited me to a lecture about worms and compost with the garden club which turned out to be pretty fun.

    I got to know all these people just from gardening in my front yard. People walk by, they comment on my garden, we start to chat and friendships form.

    The other week I was visiting family during the Arbor Day celebration here. When one of my neighbors discovered that I didn't get my free tree, she called the city and had the head of the building department deliver to my doorstep a Dogwood seedling. How cool is that. That's what happens when you just extend yourself a little, when you just talk to people. Just greet them. "Howdy neighbor, nice day." It is that easy.

    Here's one of the Magnolia's in my garden that I gifted to my neighbors
    2012Mar11002_1_1.jpg

    Here's the Dogwood seedling that another neighbor had a city official deliver to my home. One day it is just a twig in soil. Add water and a little sunlight, soon enough you have leaves. Maybe even a flower. Maybe even a friendship.
    2012Mar11002_1.jpg
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Try "Meetup". Look for LGBT group activities which allow you to socialize.
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    Mar 11, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    26mileman saidStand at the bus stop, you'll make several "special" friends.icon_lol.gif Believe me I did when I had a cast on for 3 months and couldn't drive.

    I've always wondered about that: are the buses up there on ski runners in lieu of tires? And are your "taxis", in fact, guys on snowmobiles with an extra seat?


    No, we have a pack of Alaskan Malamutes that we just hook up to our transportation during inclement weather, for that extra kick of horse power. It is more environmentally friendly because the dogs are fed a vegan diet and the waste is collected and used in farmer's fields. It can yield an 8 percent increase in production, important as the world population and need for food reaches record demand.

    Similar concept to the horse and buggy that is used south of the 49th. icon_wink.gif