Just told the man that I've loved since the third grade..."I love you"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:49 AM GMT
    I finally got the balls to tell my close friend for years(13yrs), that I love him more than a friend/brother. I came out to him about two years ago, and he seemed to be okay with it--"I'm cool with it man, you know I'll love you no matter what..etc." So, that first initial step only took 10 years to confess to him! lol But, last night with the help of some wine, I confessed "partially" how I felt about him (via phone) and said, that it's too hard to be just friends with him because it tortures me that we aren't together. So, I need to distance myself from him for a while, so i can somehow sort out my feelings that have been manifesting for years. He replied saying, "I understand man, I..I understand" and said that he would call me in the morning and talk more about it. (didn't call me in the morning, not until later that night, only after a missed call from me) where again he just kinda said he understood.

    I caved in later on my plans and had a quick conversation with him--
    Me: hey
    Are you going back to your dorm tomorrow?

    Him: naw why

    Me: Didn't know if you wanted to hang out tomorrow downtown..I mean unless you had plans

    Him: man I thought u where trynna distance urself from me bro

    Me: I am, I thought maybe one las...never mind. You're right. I'm being stupid
    later.

    Him: later bro.
    b safe out in the crzy world.and always stay true to urself.

    Me: will do.

    --Needless to say I wept like a child and am listening to "I will always love you" and drinking wine endlessly. lol
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    Mar 11, 2012 9:05 AM GMT
    Aww that just broke my heart....I was in love like that, but lets just say it didnt end to well.

    You ever wonder if your friend has feelings in turn..i mean he seems a little to nice for his friend to come out to him and be all..I understand, i mean not even the slightest freakout...or maybe its just me...

    cause my friends ....my non friends disappeared.

    I feel bad for u..but at the same time..why did you feel the need to express your love/feelings to a straight guy...seems like torture with no resolve to me.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Mar 11, 2012 11:17 AM GMT
    You've loved him since the third grade? This is so romantic. oh my god, this is just so hot! i'm just so happy for you that you even got the chance to tell him that he turns you on. How could that not be the most romantic thing!
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    Mar 11, 2012 11:41 AM GMT
    Sidney12 said--Needless to say I wept like a child and am listening to "I will always love you" and drinking wine endlessly. lol

    Do you think he's straight? Then your loving him won't turn him gay, make him into something he's not. You've got a good friend, a rare enough commodity in this world. Don't lose him by pushing a sexual relationship onto him.

    You might try this: start gay dating, if you don't already. (And if you don't I wonder if it's because you're fixated on this guy, holding yourself back) If he's gay and has feelings for you he might be prompted to finally do something about it. Nothing motivates a man to act, gay or straight, than seeing someone he secretly loves in the arms of another.

    If he does nothing but congratulate you then find your romance with other gay men. And keep him as your close friend. You can have both, you know, it's allowed and it does work.
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    Is your friend even into dudes, let alone into you?

    Unless it was a slam dunk, I wouldn't risk weirding out and ruining any lifelong friendship with any guy -- gay, straight, bi, or indifferent -- over a mancrush.

    True friends are just too hard to come by.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 11, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    Very nice, thanks for sharing that..... it would be nice to hear he's into you as well... or certainly what happens here. Keep us informed.
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    Seriously I think you are very brave. I know for sure that I never would have the courage to do that.

    It's good that your friend was so understanding because I'm sure this was probably something difficult for him in some way too.
    It's good to know you have a friend that is genuinely your friend and that is heaps cool. Hopefully he stays a friend to you always because it's good to have people like that in your life.

    I hope your friendship with him just continues to get better as life goes on icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    With abs like yours, if he hasn't already jumped your bones, he's definitely straight.
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    Sidney12 saidI finally got the balls to tell my close friend for years(13yrs), that I love him more than a friend/brother. I came out to him about two years ago, and he seemed to be okay with it--"I'm cool with it man, you know I'll love you no matter what..etc." So, that first initial step only took 10 years to confess to him! lol But, last night with the help of some wine, I confessed "partially" how I felt about him (via phone) and said, that it's too hard to be just friends with him because it tortures me that we aren't together. So, I need to distance myself from him for a while, so i can somehow sort out my feelings that have been manifesting for years. He replied saying, "I understand man, I..I understand" and said that he would call me in the morning and talk more about it. (didn't call me in the morning, not until later that night, only after a missed call from me) where again he just kinda said he understood.

    I caved in later on my plans and had a quick conversation with him--
    Me: hey
    Are you going back to your dorm tomorrow?

    Him: naw why

    Me: Didn't know if you wanted to hang out tomorrow downtown..I mean unless you had plans

    Him: man I thought u where trynna distance urself from me bro

    Me: I am, I thought maybe one las...never mind. You're right. I'm being stupid
    later.

    Him: later bro.
    b safe out in the crzy world.and always stay true to urself.

    Me: will do.

    --Needless to say I wept like a child and am listening to "I will always love you" and drinking wine endlessly. lol


    I feel for you, but I would have NEVER done that.

    If that's him on your profile though............he might be in denial and confess to you years down the road when you've gotten over him.

    Life sucks...at least he didn't freak out or be a douche.

    Kudos. icon_smile.gif

    Stay strong
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    I'm wondering if abandoning the friendship was the right thing to do...
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    Mar 11, 2012 11:24 PM GMT
    Thanks men, for your words of encouragement, advice, etc.--To answer many of your questions: He is in my opinion and a few of my other friends opinion gay or at least bi. The good thing about knowing him so long is seeing that he doesn't have sex with women (like maybe 1 or 2 ever) and if you'd see him you would know right then and there that he could have ANY girl he wanted. Also, he did come out to me via skype one morning, it went something like this:

    Him: Man, i've got something I gotta tell you.

    Me: ohhkay, alright. shoot

    Him:..... *says nothing*

    Me: Dude, you know you can tell me, lol

    (while he's eating cereal, he says, "Yeah man, I'm gay")

    my face goes 0.o, as I see our whole future flash through my eyes.
    BUT, I instantly get nervous and begin to laugh.==>stupid I know
    and he looks up to the camera *with a serious face*

    Him: *small awkward chuckle* man, you know I'm just kidding.

    The next day he has a girlfriend.

    Also, there were instances where I had my shirt off and some tight dance booty shorts(while changing in a empty locker room, he was in his underwear as well) and he saw me and suddenly fell to the floor clenching his stomach, saying he suddenly had a big stomach ache.

    I didn't even connect the dots until days later. Those are just a few reasons why I think he's gay or bi. But I can't force him out, and neither do I want to. I just can't be "just" his friend. I've dated guys before, but they always get compared to him in my head. I try and just be friends with him, but years of secret affection is hard to vanquish. It just hurts to know that we may never be.
    I don't know... =/
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    Oh, and that's not the guy on my page. lol
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    Mar 25, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    Sidney12 saidOh, and that's not the guy on my page. lol


    Sidney, do you have an update? Im curious how things are working out.
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    Mar 25, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Is that really necessary? to distance yourself? wont that just make you go into withdraw and make things that much harder?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Mar 25, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Sometimes you got to decide to put childish obsessions to rest...There will come a time when your str8 bud will get tired of this type of bullshit and you'll lose his friendship forever...man up...move on...
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    Apr 05, 2012 7:54 AM GMT
    mybud saidSometimes you got to decide to put childish obsessions to rest...There will come a time when your str8 bud will get tired of this type of bullshit and you'll lose his friendship forever...man up...move on...


    I see what you are trying to say, but it is not a childish "obsession" and what I'm going through is not bullshit. I know you are trying to help, but you aren't in the situation and you definitely weren't there for our 13 years of friendship. [btw, I'm certain he is not straight]--- Its easier said than done, to completely forget you've loved someone your entire life. Their voice, smile, even their smell makes you weak--have you ever had that? For more than just one night, or a few months? Imagine that being your realty, all your life. So, don't tell me to "man-up", a phrase that I hate in the first place. I AM A MAN, I don't need to "up" anything. I'm going to be who I am, and I'm going to love as deeply and as strongly as I can. I understand that with that love comes hurt and disappointment, but I rather have loved and lived fully, than live in regret for never telling him, wondering "what if?"
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    Apr 05, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    Writrboi saidIs that really necessary? to distance yourself? wont that just make you go into withdraw and make things that much harder?


    You maybe right, its really hard not talking to him. I mean we don't go to the same college or anything, but it's still difficult not skyping or talking everyday. I sorta wonder how he's dealing with it? Or does he not even care. I don't know, I'll just have to let time do its magic and see what happens.