I'm 32 and....

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    Mar 11, 2012 8:14 AM GMT
    never been in a serious relationship. I can hear all the gasps now. icon_smile.gif. My longest is, only about 3 months, which really is not that long, and that was about a year and half ago. Since then I haven't dated anyone although I have gone on plenty of dates but either I am not interested in a 2nd date or they aren't. Is there anyone else out there who is or was a late bloomer when it comes or came to their first serious relationship?
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Mar 11, 2012 8:26 AM GMT
    princeofnash saidnever been in a serious relationship. I can hear all the gasps now. icon_smile.gif. My longest is, only about 3 months, which really is not that long, and that was about a year and half ago. Since then I haven't dated anyone although I have gone on plenty of dates but either I am not interested in a 2nd date or they aren't. Is there anyone else out there who is or was a late bloomer when it comes or came to their first serious relationship?


    Dude, of course there are others like you. But they are quiet and ashamed that they aren't haven't all of the so called "casual sex" that all of these other people in the "gay" or "straight" world claim that they are having. I mean, based on what American media tells me, every body is sticking their dicks in something every night or day and I must be a freak because I haven't experienced this "reality" of the world we live in. Please, do not let the fantasy of the pretend world make you think you are the strange one. The one question I've asked myself lately is, "If there is so much fucking going on between all of these people, why in the hell are there so many people on these single and looking sites talking to each other looking for sex or connection?/" Just a curious question I ask sometimes, lol.
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    Mar 11, 2012 9:58 AM GMT
    28, no relationship whatsoever.
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    Mar 11, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    princeofnash saidIs there anyone else out there who is or was a late bloomer when it comes or came to their first serious relationship?

    Yep. I had 3 BFs of 3-6 months and countless tricks after coming out before I found an LTR and lived with him, after 5 years of trying. That lasted 2 years, and then I found my first partner, at the 7 year mark. He died, and at year 12 got together with my second partner, which now brings me to 17 years after coming out, this month, in fact.

    Sometimes finding LTRs doesn't happen very quickly, but I was always able to switch from "hunt" mode to "home" mode very easily when the right guy came along (and I came along for him). And hunting (ie dating and even tricking) could be fun & entertaining, just so long as I wasn't home alone night after night, the worst fate for me.

    Sure there were times I got impatient, even worried & anxious, already way past my settling down age, watching that calendar. But I knew the only way I'd find "him" was by dating many. Getting discouraged and giving up was guaranteed to get me nothing. And besides, as I said, I could have superficial fun for the sake of having fun, without completely going into the third mode, full panic & despair.

    You're a good-looking guy, I don't think you'll be shut out for too long. Although your "looking for other A+ guys" attitude (per profile) might be holding you back. Clearly you don't want someone who's flunked the course, but beyond that you might find reviewing their transcript isn't always as reliable and useful as you might suppose. After all, he could have been cheating on his exams. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    That is almost my exact same scenario princeofnash!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 11, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    Well I really accepted myself when I was 32 and up to that time had a couple of "serious" relationships (meaning we were exclusively dating, but nothing major) with females. As I accepted myself and came out, I started seeing my bf (so at 32 it was a new thing for me).... the difference is, I'm still in the relationship today, so you never know when the long term thing can come along.
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:29 PM GMT
    Ehm, Im 32 and my only relationship was two weeks... I am NOT gasping...
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:40 PM GMT
    36 - and the same. I think you will find you are not as alone as you think.

    Welcum to the 21st century - not too uncommon anymore.
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    I dont think its anything to worry bout tbh... Im 25 and i havent had anything serious... At times, you kinda think whats wrong with me, why aint it happening... But yknow it will happen when it's meant to.. What's meant for you wont pass you and all those cliches :-) And the one thing that definetly makes me get over not being with someone is it is always better to be content alone than miserable with someone that isnt right for you
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    Mar 11, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    @ the OP

    I don't think your situation is unusual at all. It wasn't until the year I turned 31 that I had my first relationship that passed the one year mark. Before that, they seemed to run their course after a few months or so. The relationship I am in now is the only one that lasted more than a year and it is going on 12+ years now. All things will come in time. icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    hopefully i don't speak useless things but i know people who were in similar situations.
    what they told me (well mostly are telling me to do because they want to see me in a relationship) is instead of looking for someone specifically to date, what helped them was to just try expanding the social network by meeting 3-5 new people every fortnight and purely on the basis on meeting new people and being friends.

    they said eventually they met someone they ended up liking etc.
    Not that I'm saying you aren't social enough or that you don't have enough friends. One of my friends said that to me, and then 2 others and they are all in relationships that are serious and committed and monogamous etc.

    I'm sure there's nothing particularly wrong with your personality or look so i thought maybe it's just tactic wise.
    Hopefully that helps in some way.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    onaquest said
    Welcum to the 21st century - not too uncommon anymore.




    quoted for hilarious Freudian slip. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    Ok, you can't help chemistry, but at the same time, maybe there would have been potential in one of those guys you didn't give a 2nd or 3rd date to. They liked you, and at least that's something to build from.
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    lookinforcars1 said
    onaquest said
    Welcum to the 21st century - not too uncommon anymore.




    quoted for hilarious Freudian slip. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Hilarious slip was intentional for effect. Thx for noticing...

    icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    Not a problem... things happen in their own time. You'll be fine with or without a relationship. You're no worse off or for not having been in one. That's just how your life to now. I'm a late bloomer in many respects myself, minus coming out... that was early icon_smile.gif anywho... when you find someone, it'll be amazing! I bet =)
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    I just turned 31 and never even dated. I've meet 3 guys for coffee (on separate occasions of course), but I wouldn't consider them dates. So, you are quite ahead of some of us. Don't worry too much. It'll happen when it's meant to.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Most " very single" guys I dated had a woman's fantasy idea about relationships in which they were "waiting" for Prince Charming to come along and sweep them off their feet. If you want to pair-up someday abandon that fantasy and create a relationship.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    Late bloomer here as well and hopefully not yet passed my sell-by date. But I'm in two minds. When I hear of all the relationship drama that goes on I'm sooo happy to be on my own with nary a thought for anyone else. But other times it does sound nice to be in a relationship. The right one. Like others have said try meet people for friendship without being superficial about it. As well as remember: the pickier you are, the less you get picked.
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    Next year you'll be 33.

    Welcome to life.

    It's your's to change, or not.

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    Mar 11, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    I'm 33 and my longest relationship is 6 months. I'm not fretting too much - quality over quantity, and there isn't much quality out there icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    i feel as a gay man (also 28, about to turn 29 with no solid relationship lasting more than 3 months) that we can not and should not compare ourselves to our straight counterparts.

    Majority of my graduating class from high school (as see on Facebook) are either married, getting married, or popping out kids... I am not doing any of these. I sometimes, feel like I am behind the ball on all of these things. We have to realize that meeting a solid, decent gay may is a lot harder, since we are only an estimated 10% of the population.

    So, do not lose hope, as I sometimes do, and go out on dates, try dating a mistake, take the road less traveled (sorry to get all Frost on ya), and have faith that someone is out there for you. As I always have to remind myself.

    Cheers to finding someone amazing (more sooner than later)
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Wow, this thread is for me, too. I'm 26 and have never had a serious relationship either. There are times I'm seriously depressed about it and there are times I don't care.

    The problem is I've become jaded. Some of my friends have been in a relationship for a few years and they're younger than I am. If I called a spade a spade, I'd say that I'm eat up with jealousy and envy.

    Guys/friends continuously tell me I'm good looking, funny and have a lot going for me---at which point I ask, ''okay, do you wanna go out with me?" That's when they start tripping all over themselves and say ''well, uhhhh, well, you see, I can't because..." That's when I tell them, "see, my point exactly."

    I was recently stood up by twice by the same guy in the same week. Do you think I have stupid written on my forehead of what? Sometimes it's of no fault of our own and it's certainly not for lack of trying. You just gotta hang in there and keep searching. I'm sure there is somebody looking for you just as hard as you are looking for them. I have to believe that because I'm in your boat, too.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 11, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    maybe bad breath or poor hygieneicon_idea.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    LOL! This made me laugh..
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    Mar 11, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    That just means you haven't met the right guy and you don't want to settle for someone. I know a couple of people who would settle and then be unhappy. At least you aren't lying to yourself and others.