guy crush

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    Mar 11, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    have you had a crush on a straight friend to the point where you had to end the friendship?
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    Mar 11, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    Only after sexing him. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    have you?
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    Boxer_Red saidhave you?
    yup unfortunately...
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    Probably unavoidable entirely but I've tried to be careful to not befriend anyone when I perceived our attraction to each other was too far out of balance, especially sexually. It allows for powerplays that I find unhealthy for myself. I don't like it when someone is too attracted to me nor when I am too attracted to them, when those levels of intensity are not reciprocated at all, nor, especially when they are not even allowed to be expressed except in misdirected ways.

    It seems to me those types of relationships are better for control freaks, egomaniacs and those lacking self-esteem. Life can be naturally enough of a tease wrought with enough pain all on its own; I find little reason to manufacture any.
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    Yes. I got hard easily as an adolescent and wasn't out.
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    Mar 11, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidOnly after sexing him. icon_biggrin.gif


    That actually might work to take the edge off though it is an odd ultimatum and would probably just become frustrating again unless it became a friends with benefits relationship. And if it becomes that, then the guy isn't str8 per the OP. Also that could lead to all sorts of emotional crap that could complicate it even moreso.
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    Mar 11, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    Yeah, I lost my best friend over it last year. 7 months later he apologized and we're best friend again. The first few months we're the hardest.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Mar 11, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
    Yes, though I think what I ended was dying a natural death, anyway.
    This is a common scenario for most of us. Well adjusted guys go through it exactly one time. They never let it happen again.
  • dtx1

    Posts: 155

    Mar 11, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    Yes, but only once when I was in my mid-20s and still in a state of sexual identity confusion. At that time, I thought of myself as straight or at least bi, but was overwhelmed by the feelings I was experiencing for my friend. Over time, he began to sense my interest in something beyond friendship and eventually we talked about it. We initially tried to continue the friendship but the dynamics were too complicated for me so I decided to end it. Interestingly, after that, he would occasionally flirt with me in what seemed to be an attempt to lure me back into the friendship. I learned quite a bit from the experience and since then have never had a problem with the boundaries in my friendships with straight men, and about 95% of my male friends are straight.

    The strangest thing about this situation with my former friend is that after I ended the friendship with him, I dated his sister for a while. icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:55 PM GMT
    Ckfeezy said The first few months we're the hardest.


    Oh, really? Mmmmhhhhmmmmm..... icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Mar 11, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    No, we're still friends.. i got over it
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    Mar 11, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    It kinda pisses me off when my friends dates think Im scamming on their man. It's disrespectful and makes me wanna avoid that whole 3rd wheel scenario that my friends love creating.

    I probably only find 2% of that population "hot"

    Odds are that most straight dudes are gonna fall by the wayside when it comes to attraction on my part
  • cpgoose1

    Posts: 20

    Mar 11, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    I did, yeah. It just got too tough.
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    Mar 12, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    I probably have. I came out to my best friend telling him about my feelings for him and although he couldn't feel the same, he said he was ok with it and wanted to be friends just as before.
    Nevertheless, I can probably count on my hands the times I've seen him since then, in September icon_confused.gif
    I still don't know who to blame...
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    Mar 12, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    Italian_Stallion saidI probably have. I came out to my best friend telling him about my feelings for him and although he couldn't feel the same, he said he was ok with it and wanted to be friends just as before.
    Nevertheless, I can probably count on my hands the times I've seen him since then, in September icon_confused.gif
    I still don't know who to blame...



    I give you credit for being gutsy and telling him how you feel,that took balls.....
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Mar 12, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    Yah, because such a friendship will become tortureous to you as the guy with the crush. I had a best friend that I realized years later was gay when I was very young and he just broke off his friendship with me (I was "straight" and in the closet at that time, and I had never thought any thing sexual in any way about him, he was just my best boy, friend, you know?) and I was hurt when he just cut me off and didn't hang out with me any more and didn't give me any reason or explanation. That was kinda cruel of him I thought at the time, but now I understand what happened then. Because I was straight at that point in my life, I could not have returned those affections he had for me. So if you do break up with your straight bud, give the man some kind of explanation okay. Actually, you may want to take this opportunity leaving him as your best buddie to tell him the truth. He will respect you for doing that actually and you owe the man that much if the two of you are really best friends. Just my humble reflections and advice.