Dating Younger Men...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2008 8:39 PM GMT
    So, the story is; I have alway been attracted to younger men. Generally, I find men my age just not as attractive to me. This is nothing personal against anyone. But younger guys seem to enjoy life more, they like to have adventures and have fun. I am currently sprung over a cute, young hottie I met on this site. And, so far, he seems to feel the same way.

    Is there anything wrong with dating younger guys?

    Very rarely have I been the pursuer. And I'm not a daddy.

    I love to live life. I love to take adventures and have fun. Maybe it's because I was married (to a girl) at a young age (23), and didn't really get to see what was out there. Well, that's what I'm doing now. And they seem to be drawn to me as much as I am to them.

    Is this wrong of me to feel this way? A good friend of mine seems to think it's inappropriate for me to date men half my age (41).

    I strongly disagree. I find it quite flattering, and the bottom line is, we usually have a great time. I'm very active and care-free. I'm also a very sexual person, with a very strong libido. And younger guys can generally keep up with me.

    I've never been an ageist. As long as we have chemistry, I say that's what really counts. And I believe you can have lots in common without being born in the same decade. Yes, there will be awkward moments, but that can be said of any relationship.

    So, I would like to hear from older guys in relationships with younger guys. Or, younger guys with older guys. Please tell me what you think about this.

    I want to hear some thought on this. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way.

  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jul 08, 2008 9:07 PM GMT
    I dont see an issue. I think the maturity level reached at about the age of 20 is enough to allow for ageless relationships. If they were any younger than that I would suggest that they were too young... but I say, go for it.
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    Jul 08, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    My rule is not to solicit them and make it clear that the relationship is man to man. I"m not into the daddy or sugar daddy shit.
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    Jul 08, 2008 10:28 PM GMT
    I love my relationship and I am the older by 12 years. I think the only issue we ever have is the fact that I am and was established before we ever met but now we are looking to purchase our first home together, YAY.
    You will be looked at as a "daddy" by some but who cares as long as you both are happy. Just remember that this thing called life gets to everyone at different times in life so be ready for when it happens to him. It is sometimes a roller coaster ride but the love, effection, time together, and ummm the sex is always great with us. I would not let an age alter my decision of judgement of anyone though. I know some cool as older guys that love to live life so just do what is compatible for you and yours!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 08, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    In my last LTR we had an 8+ year age difference. It mostly was not a problem.
    Lately, I've been meeting guys who are very much younger, around 20+ years in difference.
    It's not so much a maturity problem that I've come across. People mature at different rates, different levels of maturity.

    I tread carefully in the romance area: "Lovely to look at, lovely to hold but if you drop it and break it, consider it sold!"

    Time and money constraints are the problem. If you met someone special and wanted to spend time with them and your resources were not a huge issue, would you feel comfortable "treating"?
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    Jul 08, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    I'm not sure why you're asking for validation. If you're happy, and he's happy, why do you give a crap what anyone thinks?

    As far as the long-term goes, when you're in your 60s he will be a young 40. If he's fine with that, what the hell. My next door neighbors are a couple--the youngster is 45, his lover is 75. They've been together for 20 years.
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    Jul 08, 2008 10:54 PM GMT
    If a guy is bright, full of integrity, sensuous, and we "get" each other, then I'm not caring what his birth year might be. As for the rare case of some acquaintance objecting because you're not close to the same age? That's just too bad. Go with what is right for you.

    Most of my relationships have been with guys younger - but some have been older - so what? So many other factors weigh in when deciding who to date. I'd never be a "daddy" though - any guy I date has to have an education and a career - plus accomplishments/goals.
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    Jul 08, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    I use the old (age/2)+7 to work that stuff out, and then just go with my gut feeling.

    As for mental age, I've known enough 50 year olds that act like 20 year olds, vice versa and everything inbetween. I recommend a good psychometric battery of tests.

    After that I run the results through the Datomatic-2000 and as long as the the result is higher than beta then the guy is dateable.

    Once you get into full maturity/adulthood age becomes a bit meaningless.
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    Jul 08, 2008 11:06 PM GMT
    I find that the older guys that I attract seem only to be interested in something fleeting. I would consider dating an older guy if he was open for something more serious.
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    Jul 08, 2008 11:21 PM GMT
    jprichva saidI'm not sure why you're asking for validation. If you're happy, and he's happy, why do you give a crap what anyone thinks?

    As far as the long-term goes, when you're in your 60s he will be a young 40. If he's fine with that, what the hell. My next door neighbors are a couple--the youngster is 45, his lover is 75. They've been together for 20 years.



    That's awesome!

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    Jul 08, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    yes i like the young men for dates and what they always know what do on a date. It seem like they always know how to have down to earth fun and do it the good old way of loving fun. Of making it last for the good time on a date. And just to have a good time it makes me feel good.
    like well its really hard to not too love to date the young men .
    They make feel good and loveable:
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    Jul 09, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    I have always been into older guys. I just think by 40 you have fully grown into your looks. I am now the older man in my relationship. He is 5 1/2 years younger than me. We dont think of age as an issue. The only thing that could be looked at as an issue is the fact that while im more into staying in and relaxing whether at my place, his place or a friends place. My boyfriend loves going out with his friends and parting. And he has every right too. I go out with him sometimes but I cant keep up with that lifestyle anymore. He has to get that out of his system. I am willing to deal with that factor in his life if he is willing to deal with me being a homebody. So far...we are doing great.
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    Jul 09, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    I'm 23 and go for guys age 35 to 55. I've always been attracted to older men and rarely find someone my age or younger attractive. I didn't have the guts to actually act on my desire for older men until last year. But, there are some things you need to accept about younger men:

    1. We're sensitive as we lack serious relationship experience.
    2. We're optimistic and I find that older men don't seem to recall their youth or understand how we feel when things don't go perfect. Maybe it's just a "type" of older man that I've experienced, but they seem to shut down and disappear. The older men I have experienced handled relationship stuff (next steps, breakups) very immaturely and somewhat dishonestly.
    3. Younger guys (age 21 and over) only react immaturely when they are treated immaturely.

    I'm not saying this to discourage you, as I cant change the type of man I'm attracted to and wont just because I got a slew of nutty ones, but just be careful. There is nothing wrong with dating younger/older men, just be considerate as you would/should any other relationship. And most of all, be yourself and be honest. As long as you do, you'll luck out big time and find someone that can keep up with you.
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    Jul 09, 2008 3:30 AM GMT
    no way man! Younger guys are the shit icon_biggrin.gif

    lol go for it icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 09, 2008 9:13 PM GMT
    Mighty_Q said
    Is there anything wrong with dating younger guys?



    nah, not at all! i had a boyfriend who was 14 years older than me (he was 35 at the time, i was 21); we hit it off well, shared common interests, etc.

    i'm glad you have such a zest in your life, keep that! constant jadedness gets annoying real fast.

    it sounds like you are happy, go with it. icon_biggrin.gif

    and keep us posted? i know i like to hear about happy couples icon_smile.gif
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    Jul 09, 2008 9:25 PM GMT
    I have always been attracted to guys older than me. But now that I'm in the range that I was attracted to I am finding more guys that are coming after me....lol...WOW, what a complement!

    I am currently in relationships with two men younger than me and I love it. Age just doesn't seem to matter much. It's how you act and view life!
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    Jul 09, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    Well, it's good to see that this type of relationship can last. Generally speaking I am also attracted to guys younger than me. Not necessarily half my age (though I have been approached by guys that are), but definitely younger. The problem is that no matter what their age, I rarely seem to click with men that I find attractive. The old dating conundrum comes up....the one's I'm not into are into me and those I am into aren't! Such is life I guess.....patience is a virtue so I'm told! icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 09, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    looknrnd saidI'm 23 and go for guys age 35 to 55. I've always been attracted to older men and rarely find someone my age or younger attractive. I didn't have the guts to actually act on my desire for older men until last year. But, there are some things you need to accept about younger men:

    1. We're sensitive as we lack serious relationship experience.
    2. We're optimistic and I find that older men don't seem to recall their youth or understand how we feel when things don't go perfect. Maybe it's just a "type" of older man that I've experienced, but they seem to shut down and disappear. The older men I have experienced handled relationship stuff (next steps, breakups) very immaturely and somewhat dishonestly.
    3. Younger guys (age 21 and over) only react immaturely when they are treated immaturely.

    I'm not saying this to discourage you, as I cant change the type of man I'm attracted to and wont just because I got a slew of nutty ones, but just be careful. There is nothing wrong with dating younger/older men, just be considerate as you would/should any other relationship. And most of all, be yourself and be honest. As long as you do, you'll luck out big time and find someone that can keep up with you.


    well said, looknrnd!
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    Jul 10, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    There are more issues then just maturity or libido when it comes down to the actual relationship. Maturity level is one. Finances are another. Someone in their 20s 90% of the time is not going to be as fiscally sound as say someone in their 40s. Most of the time they are still getting use to being free of their parents, sometimes they may still live with their parents.

    In this economy it may not be a bad thing but should it recover if one of my friends ask me if they should let their 20yo BF move in with them I would ask has this BF lived on his own for at least a year? If not my answer is no.

    I have been on my own since 16. Im more financially sound then my husband who is 26years older them me. Was this always the case? No but its because of my first BF who was 2x my age that I learned alot regarding finances and planning. I also got lucky and changed careers to the tech field before the explosion of tech stocks. Because of his guidance and my luck Im doing great.

    Can young/old relationships work? Yes but both parties need to have a full understanding there are going to be more differences then their are similarities.
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    Jul 10, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    Younger guy's are attrtacted to me it seeem's and I like "younger" but there are a lot of issues in a relationship believe me but I still prefer younger and they keep me young!

    Anyway you know when they are looking for a sugar daddy so you can sort that one out quickly and say bye bye!
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    Jul 10, 2008 5:44 AM GMT
    There's one thing that I think people should realize when dating someone younger/older than themselves... It only matters if you make it matter. My first bf was 4 years older than me and my second was 6 years older than me. Why did both not work out? They let age be a determinant in the relationship and, being the younger bf, I didn't think it was fair.
    Maturity comes at severely different times for different people: I think it all depends upon the situations they've been in or what they've had to deal with, etc. There's no true equation or precise way to calculate if someone is too young or old for you unless you date them and the maturity levels aren't matched.
    As for me, I'm only 18 and have am currently starting a fresh relationship with a guy who's 7, almost 8 years older than me. What's amazing, tho, is that (even though he's a teacher that has taught one of my friends at a different high school than mine) we've been able to connect on a deep level. That's what's important, not age; connection.
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    Jul 10, 2008 10:42 AM GMT
    Well writtenmemory you must be very mature for your age. At 18 I could not have dated an 18 year old, let alone someone 7 years older.

    I agree that age difference does not have to be an issue in a relationship. Actually sometimes the younger person can be more mature then the older person in some aspects of life and can enhance the older person's life. That was the case in my relationship. After all human development is not a straight line going upwards, and some parts of the human personality are never developed.
  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Jul 10, 2008 10:56 AM GMT
    I'm usually attracted to younger myself, had had more interest from and in some guys 13 yeas younger than me recently, a couple dates, but nothing real. I certainly don't mind the attention from the young guys that have been chatting with me, very sweet, and cute, and some very open minded and intelligent, which is a major turn on.

    One of my best friends, who I wouldn't say no to if they wanted to date is 11 years younger and more mature in many ways than many guys my age.

    All that really matters is how you feel about each other, who cares what others think if you both are happy.
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    Aug 26, 2010 1:08 AM GMT
    Nothing strange to me. I've been asking myself this question for a long time and suspect that Socrates and a whole lot of other guys over the ages have too. In my case, I am still psychologically fixated on my early (teen) inclinations (attracted to certain guys) which I basically suppressed to live a monogamous, heterosexual life, even though I periodically found myself in love with younger men and in quite a lot of internal conflict around it. I did openly admit to them my attraction to them, although none of them were inclined to pursue an emotional/sexual relationship. One of these young men has remained a very close friend. He is in a heterosexual relationship (I don't think he has ever been in any other). I've gotten over my sexual/emotional attraction to him (perhaps obsessive), although I continue to have emotions for him and am able to show and express them. Life lived passionately can be weird. Perhaps the biggest problem is the idea that we have to categorize everything. I still want to have an emotional, yes, sexual relationship, with a younger man who likes me. In my mind that has to do with being accepted and loved as a teenager. In his mind it may have to do with testing his sexuality or a host of other things. I don't think that it is necessary to have to put such a relationship into some impossible category that threatens the constants in my life or his life. Our lives are defined by the nature of our relationships. Our relationships become transcendent when both parties meet their objectives in the relationship. I am pretty sure that how we physically engage one another does not determine who we are to one another or to the survival of mankind on this planet.
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    Aug 26, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    *Pops head* ;O!