Gays Outing Gays. That's Not Cool.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    Like I just came out last year. Even though my fam for the most part figured it out, and I people have said that about me because my personality is very...I guess sweet and soft for a guy being where im from.Im 2 nice as they say. I should be more street and hood as they say...

    But i would come across a few gay people, and they would always try to out me in front of people and ask me why I am afraid to come out yet or be out etc.

    I was beyond upset , because its like even if you knew I was gay for sure( i didnt tell them) why would you out me to people who I dont know or do know. Its not your business and to me coming out was so hard.It is such a personal thing.

    Everyone isnt the same or from the same place. I got my ass kicked and jumped for years...for years just because of what others thought. I never even confirmed it, but my sisters called me those slurs so in turn others did and rumor spread...so I never had a chance to even hide.

    but thats just my fucked up family, but still

    If you know I am gay and in the closet, why would you out me. Everyone doesnt have the same family or friends or support system that they can just come out and it be okay.

    I would be at work for Verizon when this girl and her friend(both who were gay) would ask me about my sexuality in front of my boss and say I should come out and asked if I had yet.Or joke like I was checking out guys, when I wasnt. They didnt even know me forreal. Just saw me around.

    So uncomfortable and awkward. Also a gay kid did it at school everytime they saw me.

    What the fuck is that about.

    I know not all do it, but even Perez Hilton does it on his site.
    People wanna out us, but when we are out and people kick our asses and stuff are you gonna be there to pick up the pieces. Probably not.

    I just need to know what others think about it?
    I had to listen to my dad call people fags on tv and call people like me abominations..and my Christian mom scold me when she thought I was 2 gentle and I get called a sissy...

    I dont think people get how harsh coming out can be for some..so why do it to another person if they are not ready. Its not even their call to bring something up about someone else.

    Opinions please.
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    Mar 12, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidLike I just came out last year. Even though my fam for the most part figured it out, and I people have said that about me because my personality is very...I guess sweet and soft for a guy being where im from.Im 2 nice as they say. I should be more street and hood as they say...

    But i would come across a few gay people, and they would always try to out me in front of people and ask me why I am afraid to come out yet or be out etc.

    I was beyond upset , because its like even if you knew I was gay for sure( i didnt tell them) why would you out me to people who I dont know or do know. Its not your business and to me coming out was so hard.It is such a personal thing.

    Everyone isnt the same or from the same place. I got my ass kicked and jumped for years...for years just because of what others thought. I never even confirmed it, but my sisters called me those slurs so in turn others did and rumor spread...so I never had a chance to even hide.

    but thats just my fucked up family, but still

    If you know I am gay and in the closet, why would you out me. Everyone doesnt have the same family or friends or support system that they can just come out and it be okay.

    I would be at work for Verizon when this girl and her friend(both who were gay) would ask me about my sexuality in front of my boss and say I should come out and asked if I had yet.Or joke like I was checking out guys, when I wasnt. They didnt even know me forreal. Just saw me around.

    So uncomfortable and awkward. Also a gay kid did it at school everytime they saw me.

    What the fuck is that about.

    I know not all do it, but even Perez Hilton does it on his site.
    People wanna out us, but when we are out and people kick our asses and stuff are you gonna be there to pick up the pieces. Probably not.

    I just need to know what others think about it?
    I had to listen to my dad call people fags on tv and call people like me abominations..and my Christian mom scold me when she thought I was 2 gentle and I get called a sissy...

    I dont think people get how harsh coming out can be for some..so why do it to another person if they are not ready. Its not even their call to bring something up about someone else.

    Opinions please.



    Perhaps you should go speak with a therapist. Sounds like you have a lot of issues. Real or Fake.
  • u54imc9

    Posts: 22

    Mar 12, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    What he needs is not a therapist, but an English teacher would do him some good.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    Grow some balls and tell your family to STFU. The worst that will happen is they kick you out, which is no big deal cause you're old enough to live on your own anyway.

    Religious families are the worst.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    hah he started his sentence with the word "like".
    I Didn't even continue reading.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    Once you are out, that is at least one thing that can no longer be used as a weapon against you.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    Not going to judge your usage or grammar but say hang in there, I was outed and know the feeling. The best thing you can do is try to be real with yourself and others from now on and realize there will be ups and downs. Try to remain focused, let your anger out in a constructive way and and don't let idiots who judge you on here interfere in your emotions past here.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    I read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    You're right, it's not cool for other people to out you. It sounds like you must have some mannerisms that are giving you away. But no matter, when people pry into your business, be firm with them and tell them its none of their business. guess that's easier said than done, particularly when you don't have the support of your family.
    I feel your pain, wish there was more we all could do to help you out. Hang in there, and hopefully one day it will get better.
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    + 1
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Mar 12, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    +1
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    This*
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    Mar 12, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    funbud8 saidYou're right, it's not cool for other people to out you. It sounds like you must have some mannerisms that are giving you away. But no matter, when people pry into your business, be firm with them and tell them its none of their business. guess that's easier said than done, particularly when you don't have the support of your family.
    I feel your pain, wish there was more we all could do to help you out. Hang in there, and hopefully one day it will get better.


    And this*
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    Mar 12, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    I indeed laugh at people questioning my grammer. I am an english major and last time I checked this is not school. Please forgive me for not caring how I type. Now if someone would like to go head to head against me in a battle of writing, then I would be very happy to oblige them.I would also like to state that given the fact my own family destroyed my self worth at a point in time, there is nothing some random online guy can say to hurt me.

    Anyway,

    Thank you swimguychicago, I appreciate your thoughts and compassion.
    I don't talk to anyone in my family but my dad. I don't blame people for wondering if my issues are fake because there has been so many things that has happened to me it is shocking. I am not playing the victim card, I believe that something great is going to happen because of all the suffering. I just wanted to know what might have been the mindset of others who would do those type of things.

    I probably do need therapy but the famous verse in Matthew gives me strength.

    "Those who are last shall be first."

    I do have to say though, that when I look at all my issues and realize I am only twenty-two, I feel a sense of purpose. I know I have something I am supposed to do on this earth. I just have to find out what it is.

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 12, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    dude, first i want to say i am sorry people beat you up for something they were not even sure about. i agree with you that people should not out others. i have no respect for people like that. i was always told that it is frowned upon in the gay community for gays to out other gays unless its someone who is causing harm to other gays.
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    Mar 12, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    +1
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    Mar 12, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    est89 said
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    +1


    +2
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:15 PM GMT

    Jamie said, "I just wanted to know what might have been the mindset of others who would do those type of things."

    I think the next time it happens, if it does, look them squarely in the eye and ask them.

    -Doug
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    agreeing with everyone else from swimguychicago onwards
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidI read the replies. Frankly, I was disgusted by them. Do you have neither shame nor compassion? The OP was saying that in his situation it's physically dangerous for him to be gay. Then the usual shits started piling on about grammar. For good measure, they threw in a few bon mots about therapy. WTF? Here's a guy who's clearly suffering and wondering why gay men have to make it harder for him. What do the Einsteins on RJ do? They make it harder! Unfortunately, I don't have the vocabulary to describe my utter contempt.


    Yes, I too am often disappointed in the caliber of human beings on this site.

    For what it's worth, what the OP has/is suffering is reprehensible. The obvious answer is to distance himself as much as possible from the offending characters and when found in situations where he cannot he simply needs to tell people is sexuality is none of their business and not up for discussion.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Mar 12, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    People have no right to fuck with your privacy, particularly if you are in a vulnerable spot. All of you who are out and proud from the comfort of your gay ghettos and gated communities can just shut the fuck up about now.

    As for the famous and the powerful, they have no excuse to stay in the closet, but they should be left alone if they don't make life harder for the rest of us. If they cross the line I say throw them to the wolves, but the situation is fundamentally different for ordinary people, particularly if they live in less 'desirable' circumstances.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Jamie said, "I just wanted to know what might have been the mindset of others who would do those type of things."

    I think the next time it happens, if it does, look them squarely in the eye and ask them.

    -Doug
    Well said. Call them on their shit. Because it is their shit - not yours.

    You have your own issues to deal with without tragic people mucking things up.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    This thread is why so many "no photo" profiles start topics on here. The OP posted a question and a couple miserable critters respond with their turd messages. Ironically, they are examples of the types of gays who would out other gays and their reason for doing so is the same.... because they're miserable.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    OP aside, Outing another gay is wrong... but I wouldn't even bother dating someone who was ashamed of their gayness. They could keep their closet and deadbolt it for all I care. You either own what you are, or you let someone else own it for you! Now why give it to straight ignorant dicks who'll only want to change and surpress you!
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Mar 12, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    What your co-workers were doing was sexual harassment.
    Making unwanted comments about an employee's sex life, teasing, inappropriate "jokes," invasive questions, etc. -- it's textbook harassment, and I'm sure Verizon has a strict policy against it (because they don't like to be on the losing end of lawsuits.)
    If your boss at work was any good at his/her job, he would have said something to the juvenile girls who were doing this.
    You could try speaking to them privately, and start by saying nicely/diplomatically "when I'm at work I try to keep things professional. You're asking about things that are better discussed outside of work. Thanks for understanding."
    (Obviously you will never discuss them outside of work either, since these women are not worthy of your time or attention.)
    If that doesn't work tell them you consider their personal questions to be "harassment" and you want it to stop. When they hear that word, that will be the end of it, I'm guessing.
    Good luck.