Churchboy

  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 12, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    Well, I complain about life, too. It's hard to be gay here. There are plenty of homophobes in Russia. And I'm in a very difficult situation.My father hates gays. And the worst thing is that I work in the church. I'm chanter. As you can imagine the church is a place where people are not happy to gays. I must pretend that I have a girlfriend. It is very hard. Surrounding people ask me when I get married. What do I do? I can no longer wear a mask.
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    Mar 12, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    Move and tell them to go fuck themselves.
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    Mar 12, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    Move to Canada. They're gay-friendly...and you're probably already used to freezing your ass off.
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 12, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    Caslon18453 saidand you're probably already used to freezing your ass off.

    Of course I used.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.
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    Mar 12, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
    Makferson said
    Caslon18453 saidand you're probably already used to freezing your ass off.

    Of course I used.

    Oh bless your heart. That's so cute.
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 12, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.

    Should I leave my father?
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    Mar 12, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    I have the same issue. I love my dad, but he is a homophobe and worst is that he is sick, and I wonder about leaving him ...but my first day here...I posted "would you move away for happiness"

    I think i have 2. In the end people are living for themselves and we are living for them..it takes a toll on us. Depression, low self esteem and we can end up resenting people.

    I think you should save up and move. That is what i decided to do.
    I have 2 if I ever want a shot at being happy.

    I grew up in the church 2 and my dad was a cop. SO i get it.
    But we have to try to get away.


    Maybe you can get ajob find a gay roommate and live with them,

    The church is hard to be in, especially when you are listening to a sermon about homosexuality.

    I wish you the best and ill pray for you like i pray for me.
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    Mar 12, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    Makferson said
    paulflexes said
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.

    Should I leave my father?
    Yes, and they don't even need to know why. All they need to know is you're making plans to advance your career abroad. Then you can get out, make a new life out of the closet, and have a new circle of friends who accept you as you are.

    That will also make it easier to come out to your family, eventually.

    BTW, I lived with my first boyfriend for two years before my family knew.
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    Mar 12, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    So sorry for your situation. Make sure that you come out in a safely -- where you won't likely end up with a physical injury from a hater.
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    Mar 12, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    Makferson said
    paulflexes said
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.

    Should I leave my father?
    Uh yeah.. its HIS issue.. leave it for him to deal with.. you move the hell on!
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 12, 2012 7:55 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Makferson said
    paulflexes said
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.

    Should I leave my father?
    Yes, and they don't even need to know why. All they need to know is you're making plans to advance your career abroad. Then you can get out, make a new life out of the closet, and have a new circle of friends who accept you as you are.

    That will also make it easier to come out to your family, eventually.

    BTW, I lived with my first boyfriend for two years before my family knew.

    It is not so simple as it seems. I do not think that other countries are waiting for me with open arms. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 12, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    Makferson said
    paulflexes said
    Makferson said
    paulflexes said
    AMoonHawk said... Life is an adventure ... take flight.
    Best. Advice. Ever. icon_biggrin.gif

    To the OP, pretend you own Nike and "Just Do It." Work up a plan that'll get you out of there, even if it takes a couple years. You'll be glad you did.

    Should I leave my father?
    Yes, and they don't even need to know why. All they need to know is you're making plans to advance your career abroad. Then you can get out, make a new life out of the closet, and have a new circle of friends who accept you as you are.

    That will also make it easier to come out to your family, eventually.

    BTW, I lived with my first boyfriend for two years before my family knew.

    It is not so simple as it seems. I do not think that other countries are waiting for me with open arms. icon_smile.gif
    It doesn't have to be out of the country. Russia is huge. There should be some place you can get away, and find a more accepting crowd.
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    Mar 12, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    Makferson said
    It is not so simple as it seems. I do not think that other countries are waiting for me with open arms. icon_smile.gif


    Есть очень много русских здесь, в Соединенных Штатах, особенно в Бруклине. Вы были бы среди людей, которые говорят на вашем языке, и есть услуги, которые могут помочь вам получить работу.


    Exactly, and not just New York (Brooklyn), but several major metropolitan areas throughout the country. I work with several displaced Russians, and others from former CCCP countries in the south bay area of Northern California.
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    Mar 12, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    Do not come out if your safety is in jeopardy. Do not come out until you have a plan to get away and a way to take care of yourself.

    There are places in the world where you ARE welcome and are free to be who you choose to be... but you must get there. San Francisco also has a large Russian population.

    I know there are cultural things like family, siblings, caring for your parents and your church relationships that make it very complicated.

    But if you decide to NOT let others choose a life for you and you stay in your home town, you have a fight to fight no matter what.

    - Do not come out and do not marry, fight the pressure of marriage
    - Come out and do not marry, I don't know what your town is like but if it is as hateful of gays as your father, this might be a sentence for being beaten or killed

    Are there other gay men in your town?

    If you want and need to be true to yourself, it sounds like you will need to leave.
    ... it's a big decision that only you can make, I hope the best for you.
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 12, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]

    Are there other gay men in your town?

    [/quote]
    Yes, in my city, there are some gay men. But there are few. And it's very hard to find a couple here. After my boyfriend died in a car accident, I can not find a boyfriend for 2 years. icon_sad.gif
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Mar 13, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    Makferson saidWell, I complain about life, too. It's hard to be gay here. There are plenty of homophobes in Russia. And I'm in a very difficult situation.My father hates gays. And the worst thing is that I work in the church. I'm chanter. As you can imagine the church is a place where people are not happy to gays. I must pretend that I have a girlfriend. It is very hard. Surrounding people ask me when I get married. What do I do? I can no longer wear a mask.


    It sounds like you have reached the critical moment in your life. Will you live your life the way that makes you happy or will you live it for others? But I would caution you to keep in mind where you live and the people you are around. You're a church boy right? Isn't it interesting that Jesus never really said anything about homosexuality. Only the church people who came after him, and had never walked with him, had so much to say about it.
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 13, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    I agree, Jesus said that we should love each other.