Best time to mention kids?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    I have a 5 month old and a 2 year old from my previous relationship. I met this gay guy we text a lot and I've gone out with him four times already (he lives 40 minutes away so it's hard to see him) but we've been talking for about 6 weeks now and I'm going to have the boys over this weekend, but he wants to come see me. Should I tell him I have kids? I BARELY hinted something to him about having kids and he flat out said he never wants any.

    I was thinking this weekend just saying "hey, I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends.." when he comes over, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Will this scare him away? Should I tell him I can't hang out this weekend? I'm 18 he's 25
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    mvlgg saidI have a 5 month old and a 2 year old from my previous relationship. I met this gay guy we text a lot and I've gone out with him four times already (he lives 40 minutes away so it's hard to see him) but we've been talking for about 6 weeks now and I'm going to have the boys over this weekend, but he wants to come see me. Should I tell him I have kids? I BARELY hinted something to him about having kids and he flat out said he never wants any.


    You have two kids and there is an entire childhood for them to go through yet, so that is a major problem. You need to seriously think about if his is the right person for you.


    Side note- Two kids by the time you were 18? Man, what were you thinking?!
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    mvlgg said

    I was thinking this weekend just saying "hey, I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends.." when he comes over, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
    WTF? A couple of your 'friends'? You have some VERY serious issues.. and I think maybe those children need to be living in another household.
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    I'm not looking for him to be a step dad or anything. I don't really think that has anything to do with their childhood though. You didn't too much answer my questions either...

    @ice my eldest son was an accident and then his mom didn't want him to be an only child, ect. I already know it's a mess.

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    Mar 13, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    @tropical They live with their mother
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    mvlgg saidI'm not looking for him to be a step dad or anything. I don't really think that has anything to do with their childhood though. You didn't too much answer my questions either...

    @ice my eldest son was an accident and then his mom didn't want him to be an only child, ect. I already know it's a mess.

    Thanks for validating my assertion that you should NOT have custody of either of those two.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    and why's that?
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    mvlgg saidand why's that?
    I doubt very seriously you want to hear that answer.
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    It's nothing I haven't heard b4. Do your best
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    Mar 13, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    mvlgg saidand why's that?



    I think you, yourself, already answered that. One kid at 16 by accident and another by 18 because the mother 'didn't want him to be an only child'. I would ask you if you and the mother have provided all financial support entirely for these kids, but I don't have to ask because I already know kids can't possibly support kids on their own. It is either her parents, your parents, or taxpayers providing for these kids, and I would venture to guess it is most likely a combination of all of them. Not fair to any of them.
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    Mar 13, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Her parents do a lot. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm far from it, but I've done a lot to help out too. I'm not a completely different person, but I can say I've grown up from a year and so ago. I'm still in the process, but I think it's really unfair for you to come on here and rant like you've never made any mistakes in your life before esp when you don't know the full 360 and gone out of your way to attack me on it when that's not even what I came here for.

    So, I'm still seeking actual answers to my questions. Thanks
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Mar 13, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    (If this serious...) Wow, you're in a real pickle here. It'd probably be tough to find somebody willing to date such a young guy with two "friends." Be upfront and see what happens? It's gotta come out at some point.

    That, and the pullout method doesn't work. icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 13, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    Thanks general. Your post actually made me smile haha. You're right tho. I just decided to text him and see what happens. We were talking about childhood memories, so I thought I'd just sneak it in there (;
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Mar 13, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    he said he didn't wnat kids.

    You have tour answer.

    if he doesn't want kids, why would he date one with 2 others?
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    Mar 13, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    You're a terrible person. Introducing your kids as "friends"? Are you ashamed of them or something? icon_confused.gif

    You should have told him at the beginning of your chats, maybe when he asked you to tell him about yourself you could have said; my hobbies include blah blah blah and I try to spend time with my kids.
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Mandatory birth control from first period until age 30 and use this as an example. 16 and a child, second because did not want a single child? How about not having the first at 16?
    Gay dad not sure when to tell the hook up? WTF?
    This is like retarded "Where's Waldo?" How many things are wrong with this post? Maybe you should worry about raising kids for a few years and less about boyfriends for a while. Education? Money? Family? You have them now, best to learn how to be a man and worry less about being with men.
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:44 AM GMT
    mvlgg said

    @ice my eldest son was an accident and then his mom didn't want him to be an only child, ect. I already know it's a mess.



    Wow...just wow. I have no words for that.
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:49 AM GMT
    mvlgg saidI have a 5 month old and a 2 year old from my previous relationship. I met this gay guy we text a lot and I've gone out with him four times already (he lives 40 minutes away so it's hard to see him) but we've been talking for about 6 weeks now and I'm going to have the boys over this weekend, but he wants to come see me. Should I tell him I have kids? I BARELY hinted something to him about having kids and he flat out said he never wants any.

    I was thinking this weekend just saying "hey, I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends.." when he comes over, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Will this scare him away? Should I tell him I can't hang out this weekend? I'm 18 he's 25


    Why not just look bewildered and say,"Where did these come from?"
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:53 AM GMT
    This sounds so fake lol
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:54 AM GMT
    PS, I think you deserve some credit for putting up with all the bitchy unhelpful posts here! You were young, you were stupid, shit happens. Now just make sure you don't pull more shit by getting a job to help pay for them and getting an education so you can have a life.
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    Mar 13, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    mvlgg saidThanks general. Your post actually made me smile haha. You're right tho. I just decided to text him and see what happens. We were talking about childhood memories, so I thought I'd just sneak it in there (;

    Be prepared for a negative response from him. He'd be stepping into a very complicated situation with you, that he may see as limiting his freedom and the activities he can do with you. Plus he may be angered that you didn't tell him this sooner, though I agree he must be told now. And not as an unexpected surprise about "friends" which is an insult to him as well as to your sons.
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    Mar 13, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    In this and all other situations you have to be honest and accept the consequences. Being accountable for your actions shows real maturity. Deceit creates an ever increasing web of lies. As much as I question the logic and wisdom of the second child, I don't think people here are in any position to make absolute statements about you as a person.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Mar 13, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    I was about to respond to another younger than myself guy thread before him being lost with end in sight for finding a partner, I thought he was in his mid 20s, he's 19. Anyways this isn't about him but the responses are just the same.

    It shows that age means nothing, especially on here. Like I've said many a times gay people are the most judgemental group out there and the first to attack from their high morality horses with sniper rifles, hell they would shoot pregnant women if they were allowed, why cause they are women, that simple.

    Regardless of the negativeness on the thread you are asking for advice, you've gotten some, so here is a bit more.

    So first off hope the texting him went well, if not sorry it didn't work out, if it did then hope things work out between the two of you. In this day and age its good to see the real world for what it is rather than what it should be (see the nellies who attacked you for their views on how the world SHOULD be, rather than what it REALLY is, I think 90% of them live online because they are afraid of the real world but that's just my two cents...) I've seen worse reasons in person as to how a child is brought into the world but regardless that child is here, nothing can be done about it once the process has hit a certain stage which I think is still the second trimester if memory serves me well this morning. If you love your two children than that's all that matters, if he's willing to accept that your a young father and they are going to be in your life from here until hopefully you get sent to the retirement home by them icon_lol.gif then don't worry too much about it. If he has issues, ask him why he has issues, if he can't get past the issues, than he's not the one you're looking for.

    Yes you are right about them making mistakes, they make a lot on here, almost daily, well daily would be the best word to use because they judge each other ALL the time, rather them help and teach and inspire like they should be doing. They don't understand that once things are done they can't be undone, that and they NEED to have their 2 cents of morals slung at everyone and everything.

    If you plan on staying on this site know that you'll be attacked all the time because of this thread you started, they will always bring it up over and over again, why because its what they do and they do it well but remember that they don't matter if they mind your business. Seek out ones that mind if you need guidance and acceptance in a world that should be offering it without the high horse requirements.

    Yes I'll get attacked but when doesn't one get attacked on here for speaking the truth...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2012 12:36 PM GMT
    I proudly mention my daughter from the initial conversation and usual in some capacity in every one thereafter. Excluding them, especially after 6 weeks of chatting seems deceitful and appears that you are shameful IMO. Havings kids is a gift and there is no reason not to mention them. You're a parent first or at least that's how I feel!
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 13, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    EVERYONE PLEASE STOP MAKE SNAP ASSESSMENTS, YOU ARE SOUNDING LIKE A CHURCH FULL OF HATE FILLED SANTORUM LOVERS. People make mistakes, especially at a young age.

    To the OP. Just send him an email explaining you have kids but you don't have custody but you enjoy spending time with your kids. It should not be an issue.